Business Strategies That Work

I’ve been seeing this ad on TV for a shoe store lately that’s kind of got me to thinking about the business sense of a few people. It’s for a store called Factory Shoe and part of the ad features the announcer happily praising the wide selection of “over-sized” shoes. Over-sized shoes? Couldn’t they have picked some better wording than that? I mean think about it, they’re pretty much telling a whole group of people that their feet are entirely too big. It would be different if they were selling those big clown shoes, but they aren’t. They’re ordinary people shoes, only for the over-sized.

I have a couple of different problems with this. First of all, who is responsible for drawing the line between what’s over-sized and what isn’t and what qualifications does he have? And don’t tell me that he doesn’t have any, that’s just crap. You’re not going to tell me that you’re putting a guy in charge of the Customer Discrimination department and he doesn’t have any credentials. He’d better have at least had a pediatrist in his family at some point, at least that would give him a little credibility.

The other thing that bugs me about this is wording. Is it really a good idea to make potential customers feel like freaks of nature? Over-sized means too big, no matter what sort of line the store tries to feed you about it meaning large or it being their way of saying that they have shoes of all shapes and sizes. If that’s what it was supposed to mean, why couldn’t they have just said that? As it stands now they may as well just put up a sign that says “hey Gunboat, bring those canoes over here,” or one that says “ask about our blacksmith.”

They should have taken a page out of the big and tall book. Those guys got it right. There are big people and there are tall people. Those words can mean different things even though everybody knows that in a clothing context they are generally understood to mean fat. But neither of those words actually imply that a person is abnormal, and the only reason they mean fat is because you only ever hear fat people talking about going in there and it became a stereotype. Factory Shoe calling anything over-sized is about the same as the big and tall shop saying “come check out our fat fuck section, now with tripple wide entrances.” It’s going to piss people off and they’re not going to shop there. Or maybe I just have way too much time on my hands and the fucking freaks don’t care. Who’s to say really?

Warped Tour ’04

This is the line-up for the Warped Tour this year. Anyone that even has the slightest interest in punk rock has to admit that this is a stacked show.

1208
20 X
Alexisonfire
Alkaline Trio
Allister
All Rights Reserved
Amber Pacific
Anatomy of A Ghost
Another Damn Dissapointment
Anti-Flag
Arkham
ASG
Atmosphere
Audio Karate
Avenged Sevenfold
Bad Religion
The Beautiful Mistake
Big D and the Kids
Billy Talent
Blackfire
Brazil
Break Dance Vietnam
Break the Silence
The Briggs
Bouncing Souls
Boys Night Out
The Casualties
Chronic Future
The Code
Codie
Coheed and Cambria
The Commercials
Crowned King
Don’t Look Down
Duane Peters and The Hunns
Dynamite Boy
The Early November
Eight Fingers Down
The Eyeliners
A Faith Called Chaos
Fall Out Boy
Fighting Jacks
Flogging Molly
From Autumn to Ashes
From First to Last
The F#*k Ups
Go Betty Go
The God Awfuls
Good Charlotte
Guttermouth
Happy Campers
Hazen Street
Hidden in Plain View
His Orange
The Hurt Process
IMA Robot
In So Far
The (International) Noise Conspiracy
Jackson
Jersey
Juliette & the Licks
Keg
The Kinison
Lakeside
Lars Frederiksen and the Bastards
Letter Kills
Lennon
Lillix
Lylah
Madison
Mae
Matchbook Romance
The Matches
Melee
Minority
Montys Fan Club
Motion City Soundrack
Much the Same
My Chemical Romance
New Found Glory
NOFX
Northstar
Only Crime
Opiate 4 the Masses
Oreon
O’re The Ramparts
Over It
Piebald
Pipedown
Planet Smashers
Plans for Revenge
Potluck
Pulley
The Q
The Red West
Reeve Oliver
The Revolution Smile
Rise Against
Rose Hill Drive
Rufio
Sahara Hotnights
Saosin
Senses Fail
Shiner Massive
Side 67
The Silence
Silverstein
Simple Plan
Single Frame
Slowdance
The Snakes, The Cross, The Crown
The Sounds
Split Sense
Stars Hide Fire
Straight Outta Junior High
Stole Your Woman
Story of the Year
Suffocate Faster
Sugarcult
The Swear
Taking Back Sunday
A Thorn For Every Heart
Thursday
Thought Riot
Tiger Army
The Tossers
Trophy Scars
Truth in Fiction
Underminded
Unit F
The Vandals
Victory Within
Wanted Dead
Washington Social Club
Windsor
Yellowcard
Yesterday’s Rising

There will be some bands that don’t hit every city due to conflicts with their own tours. NOFX for one will not be doing any of the August shows as Fat Mike and Erin will be having a baby in August and he wants to be at home for this. It still looks to be a great show. Check out warpedtour.com for the dates and venues in your city.

This Is Full Of Satanny Goodness

This was sent to me by everyone’s “favourite” commenter, Satan. It needs no introduction so it will get none. Enjoy

I think it’s been almost a week now since I challenged our resident “Insider” Nick, to post a coherent message on the board that I couldn’t make fun of. So far I have yet to see any remotely successful attempts, with one post being so pitiful I felt it best not to comment.

That’s the real problem here isn’t it? I mean if my phone ever rang that would bother me too. Anyways I sit there all day and it never rings, so I guess I don’t really know how you feel.
Some people can be so stupid, they keep calling and calling, and they never get it that you don’t like them and want them to just stop talking.
Anyways, I’m done.
nick | 03.20.04 – 5:11 pm | #

So what do you suppose the problem is here? I don’t think the challenge is all that tough. I mean every once in a while Matt manages to post something completely coherent and sometimes he even raises valid points. But Nick, you always just seem to be spewing excrement from your mouth with out considering who it’s landing on.

I think we’d all appreciate a little courtesy in this regard. I mean there are times that after reading a post by you I feel dirty, because you’ve insulted my intelligence so much your stupidity leaves a film. You claim to be seeking acceptance from the people who read the website. What for? I mean in what way does my liking you have any bearing on your everyday life? I somehow doubt it has any.

I know what you’re saying now, ” But Satan, you only ever pick on me”, and while it’s not entirely true I will say this, nothing you say has any merit, and half the time you come off as full of yourself while you have no knowledge whatsoever of the subject. That, by the way, is known as ignorance.

So what I’m trying to say is, quit crying and take me up on my challenge. Be a man Nick, Mr Bigshot…..Show me why you’re the feature, be my biggest Nitemare. If you want a little respect from me or anyone else show some balls and state you’re own opinions and don’t copy someone elses, Bob Mckenzie can sue for that kinda stuff you know.So I’m reissuing the challenge, leave me speechless, give me Nitemares, learn to spell and use proper grammar…..Any of it, and I’ll shut up. My money’s riding on me, prove to me that Feature’s got backbone and isn’t just limp as……figure it out. The Feature Presentation isn’t always a good thing, what are you Nick: The Godfather, a powerful, frightening masterpiece or Gigli, a waste of money, time and space that will never amount to anything.

Satan

Marcy Playground

Since the new Marcy Playground album comes out today I thought it might be cool to take a look back at their first album, so that’s exactly what I did, in classic review form over on Salty Ham. You can check it out by clicking
Here.

By the way, if anybody knows anything about the Canadian release of Marcy’s new album, please leave a comment or email me, I haven’t seen it anywhere I’ve looked and I haven’t heard anything about the album here in Canada.

Things That Annoy Me: Part 4085

I’m seriously thinking about calling an ever-increasing group of people I know together for a lesson on how to use the phone. Let me explain myself by asking a question, I’ll even make it multiple choice in case some of you have to think about what should be a pretty obvious answer.

When you call a person on the phone in a non-emergency situation and that person does not pick up, do you:
A. Cry.
B. Call back a second time just in case he didn’t make it to the phone in time.
C. Wait for the answering machine to pick up if there is one, leave a message and then go do something else and wait for a call back.
D. Call repeatedly until whomever you’re trying to reach caves in and answers the phone because it defies all logic that he would be either out or busy at the moment and is so obviously avoiding you right now that relentless calling is the only way to get through.

If you picked C, thank you for being one of the few sane voices in a world full of telephone lunatics. If you picked B, that’s ok too. If you picked D, I would like to take the time to say a fond hello to you, since you are probably either a friend or family member. I’d also like to take this time to ask, no insist, no demand that you read this and even more importantly, take it to heart and ultimately stop this madness.

I honestly don’t understand you D people. What are you trying to accomplish by calling me over and over again? If I don’t answer the phone when you call, it’s not a personal attack against you as a human being. It probably means that I’m either busy doing something or out having a life, as hard as that might be to believe. And this might come as a bit of a shock to you, but I’m not a slave to the telephone and I don’t spend all of my time just sitting around waiting for you to call me. I have things to do. Work that needs done, dinner that needs eating, places to go, TV shows I want to watch, fun to have, sleep to get, you get the idea, and sometimes talking to you just doesn’t fit in with the plan. This doesn’t mean that I don’t like you or that I’ll never speak to you again which some people just don’t seem to understand. It just means that right now I either can’t or choose not to talk to you for some reason. Deal with it. Maybe go out and get one of those lives I was talking about a minute ago. Whatever you decide to do, please, only call me once and for God sakes leave me a message!

That could almost be a whole other post entirely but I’ll mention it here because I’m ranting right now and nothing drives me up the wall about the phone more than when people call again and again and don’t leave a message. I pay the phone company 7 bucks every month so you can tell me what you want in recorded form, so do it! I’m spending that money for you. Yes I have call display but it only holds 10 numbers and because of people like these I can generally only see 1 of them 10 different times. Besides, if whatever you wanted wasn’t important enough to leave on my machine then it doesn’t need my immediate attention and it’s not getting it. In fact, I’ll let you in on a little secret. If I’m home and you call but I don’t answer the phone for whatever reason, if you don’t leave me a message, I’m not calling you back unless I had already intended to call you first. This is especially true in cases where nonstop calling is involved, then I don’t even call back if I did want to talk to you just because you’re annoying me and I don’t want to yell at you. You don’t even have to leave a big flashy message or anything. Just say something simple like who you are and “call me” and I’ll do it. All I ask for is a little note that you called, that’s all.

I know this post might seem harsh to some of you but that’s because that was my intent. You people, heretofore known as phoners, are driving me fucking nuts! I like all of you and respect you all for who you are, you just need to work on this 1 little thing and life will be beautiful.

By the way, just for interest’s sake, the person who ultimately ended up inspiring this post called me 5 times in a row within the space of 10 minutes. That’s half the memory retention of my call display box. The night before this same person called me 6 times in an even smaller time period. See why I’m flipping out?

VC’s WrestleMania Table For Two

Well good Saturday night to you all. Me and Steve figured that with WrestleMania tomorrow night we’d throw up a predictions roundtable. We also realized that with only two people, it would be more of a table for two than a roundtable so we’ll go with that for a title.

We’re both just gonna give out our predictions on who we think WWE will put over on the biggest show of the year and a few thoughts on each match. Keep in mind, this isn’t who we believe should be going over… simply who we blieve the geniouses at WWE will book strongly. Let’s roll. We’ll let Steve get us started.Ok, here we go.

Scotty/Rikishi (c) vs. APA vs. Bashams vs. TWGTT (WWE Tag Titles)
Steve’s Prediction: TWGTT
Thoughts: I hope this is one of those 4 way matches where they have multiple
pinfalls. I hope this for 2 reasons. First because those matches are just
way cooler than those stupid 1 fall finish ones and 2 because it hopefully
means that Scotty and Fatass and the APA can be taken out of things quickly
to save this match from completely sucking. The Bashams and TWGTT are going
to end up carrying this thing for sure and TWGTT deserves to win. The
Bashams need a new gimmick so I don’t think they’ll be winning anything just
yet.

By the way, I thought they were supposed to have 2 separate booking teams
now. I think that’s a load of shit since both tag titles are being decided
in 4 way matches and they’ll probably have exactly the same rules. Wow,
splitting the writing to keep the storylines separate and unique was sure a
good call, it’s paying off already.

Matt’s Prediction: TWGTT
Thoughts: This is clearly a “Let’s jam as many people as possible in to a match to get them all on the card” kinda deal which pisses me off. Throwing away any concern for a good quality match just to get guys on the card is a bad idea. That said, TWGTT are starting to really show that, beyond their wrestling ability, they can work with some charisma. It is a sudden death 1 fall match so i’m hoping for something quick here that will get the belts off Rikishi and Scotty. The dancing fat man and the dance-club wanna be gimmicks both died about 2 years ago. How they got the belts to begin with is beyond me.

Booker T/RVD (c) vs. Jindrack/Cade vs. La Resistance vs. Dudleys (World Tag
Title)
Steve’s Prediction: Booker T and RVD retain.
Thoughts: Didn’t I write about this match already? Oh yeah, that’s right,
never mind. I’m not sure what would have been so wrong with 1 of the 2
brands having a tournament or something instead of both RAW and Smackdown
doing the same 4 way match. RAW was already doing one, to me the qualifying
to be in the Mania match counts as a tournament so why not just take those 4
teams and pair them off and have semi-finals and finals on the PPV? I guess
that would be something people who thought ahead would do.

But ok, let’s do some serious analysis here. The Dudley’s should absolutely
not win this match. They need some time away or a character change or
something, I’m sick of seeing them and I think most other people are too. I
think they’ve done all they can do in the tag division, at least in their
current role. Jindrack and Cade haven’t really done anything much in the
last few weeks to deserve to win, WWE kind of dropped whatever momentum they
had a few months back and now they’re just another team. The La Resistance
gimmick is pretty much dead. The war is over and so is that storyline,
those guys need a change. Besides all that, Booker and RVD just won the
titles a few weeks ago and they’re something new in a tag title scene that
is in dire need of something fresh. They’re also 2 very popular stars and I
think that if anybody can get the tag belts over, it’s them. The fans want
to cheer them and want to see them, it only makes sense to leave the straps
right where they are.

Matt’s Prediction: Dudley Boyz
Thoughts: Well, Steve, I don’t disagree. The Dudleyz should not have the belts back but I think they’ll be getting them. I would say that not too far after ‘Mania, RVD will be moving to SmackDown so the belts have to come off of them pretty soon. Jindrak/Cade have shown nothing and have no reason to get the belts and the hole Frenchman angle is over so that leaves the Dudz. If they don’t drop the belts tomorrow, I’d look for it to happen the next night on RAW against one of the heel teams in a normal tag match in some kinda screw job that maybe leads to an angle of RVD being fed up and heading to SmackDown. I don’t see this match leading anywhere good or to anything we haven’t already seen. It’s elimination style too so it will undoubtedly get dragged out to be too long.

Christian VS Chris Jericho
Steve’s Prediction: Jericho.
Thoughts: I’m really looking forward to this match. If they give it time,
which they should considering that the show is like 5 hours long, this match
could be really great. I think this one will end up being pretty
under-rated since there are a lot of other matches on the card that have a
good chance to be blow-away good. I think Jericho will take this one
because so far Christian has gotten all the heat on Jericho and it’s time
for him to get some payback. He has to get it soon, he’s the face now and
where better for the hero to go over than at Mania? The only thing that
could throw a wrench into things is if they want to continue this story.
Somebody in Salty Ham’s roundtable brought up a good point, one that I
hadn’t even considered. What if Lita turns heel and joins Christian? It
makes a lot of sense the more I think about it. They have a bit of a
history and Lita is languishing right now as a face, she needs something
new. It would also create a double feud down the road and they could get
some pretty good inter-gender matches out of it for sure, they love those in
WWE land.

Matt’s Prediction: Jericho
Thoughts: Jericho has to go over in this. He’s been getting his ass beat for weeks and his chick has ditched him in this angle and he simply needs to finally get some cred back and I’d look to see a teerful re-union between Jericho and Trish in the ring after the match where the happy couple shares a WrestleMania moment. I can see a possibility of the Lita thing playing out but she has looked so terrible lately that she would bring the hole story down with her and Trish is not good neough yet to have to try and carry Lita. That said, Jericho carried Chyna to some decent matchs a few years back, maybe he could do the same with Lita in the inter-gender scenario. I just don’t want to see anymore Lita.

Molly vs. Victoria
Steve’s Prediction: Victoria
Thoughts: This is another match that probably won’t be recognized for being
as good as it is. I’m actually looking forward to seeing it. The Women’s
division on RAW has really improved over the last while and it’s
interesting, which is something that I never thought I’d be able to say. My
reasoning for picking Victoria is pretty simple. She just won the belt and
she just turned face too, she’s not getting her hair cut and she’s not
losing the belt either. I’ll refrain from making any Brutus Beefcake jokes,
I’ve already made them elsewhere.

Matt’s Prediction: Victoria
Thoughts: Steve is more generous than I. I’m expecting this to pretty much blow. On RAW, I’ve been impressed with the women’s division but with all the huge matchs at Mania I do NOT care to see this. It’s WrestleMania and it’s all about great matchs. I guess you need to reward the girls for their hard work by giving them a match on the show but this will be when I go for my piss-break and popcorn refill. Victoria will go over because the faces always do at Mania if it doesn’t matter much… and this doesn’t. Plus they would not have made the “shaved head stipulation” if they didn’t plan on making it a factor. I wouldn’t worry if I’m Molly though. Kevin Nash set the standard in the shaved head match to be pretty low if we all think back to his turn to be shaved.

Rock/Foley vs. Evolution (Flair/Orton/Batista)
Steve’s Prediction: Rock and Foley
Thoughts: Yeah, like they’re going to bring back Rock and team him with a
returning Foley at Wrestlemania 20 and have them lose. But now that I say
that, watch them do it.

I think this match will be a fun one. Not the best wrestling match on the
show by far but the crowd reactions are going to be off the charts which has
a tendency to make matches come across better than they actually are. I
don’t even think that losing will hurt Evolution all that much, they’ve
gotten the upper hand all the way through this whole angle and again, this
is Mania, the 1 show a year where special things like this match happen.

Matt’s Prediction: Evolution
Thoughts: Ya. Most of you are probably surprised and Steve is probably thinking I’m a retard but that’s fine. I can back myself up here on why I think like this.

Mick Foley has designed this entire angle himself. It was his idea to have Orton spit in his face, beat the shit out of him week after week, call him a coward and numerous other things that typically isn’t done to legends in the wrestling business. He has designed this to make Orton look like a mega-heel and I’d have to say that he’s succeeded at that. I can’t see him booking it like this just to have Orton lose at the biggest show of the year. Granted, Orton is already a huge heel thanks to Foley now but I just don’t think it’s Mick’s way. I would look for Rock to get taken out somehow and be double teamed on the outside by Flair and Batista allowing Orton to get a cheap roll-up or tainted win over Foley to set up a one-on-one match on Backlash possibly. Even if they don’t set up the one-on-one match a tainted win still makes Orton look great as a heel, gives him the win and doesn’t have to hurt Mick or Rock. (if they can still be hurt). It’s a long shot but I think this would be a great way to surprise the audience, keep Mick strong, make Orton even stronger and still keep a good match. I’m not saying take Rock out early… just have him out of the ring when the finish happens.

Cruiser-weight open
Steve’s Prediction: Chavo retains.
Thoughts: I hope this match gets a really good amount of time, it needs it
considering that it’s an elimination style gauntlet match featuring 10 guys.
I can’t stand matches like this where the eliminations come one right after
the other in rapid fire style. It just doesn’t look believable at all and
it makes everyone involved look bad. I mean you’ve got guys who can kick
out of people’s finishers multiple times in a regular match getting beaten
by a fucking clothesline, it just looks bad. And I know that wrestling is
all about suspending disbelief but just like with everything else in this
world there’s a place where a line has to be drawn and you have to take a
good long thoughtful look at what’s going on and just say, “what the fuck?
This is stupid.” For me, that line is drawn at elimination matches.

I’m picking Chavo to win because I like him as champ and if they want to
make the belt mean something, it needs to stay right where it is. I really
like Chavo’s heel act, and the inclusion of Chavo SR. is a nice touch too.
I think Chavo needs to retain here to lend credibility to his title reign
and to get more heat on him so that the eventual switch will get over better
and be looked at as more special than your average title change. Besides,
if he loses the title on Sunday, where does he go from here other than back
down to the bottom of the card where he’ll most likely be forgotten and
wasted with a lot of other talented guys?

Matt’s Prediction: Chavo
Thoughts: I will completely honest with you. I don’t care about this match one bit and have no idea what kind of build up there’s been. Mainly because there hasn’t really been one. Any cruiser-match has been part of the build up. This is just another way to put too many guys on the card. This will be nothing more than a clusterfuck, spotfest where everyone will hit their finishers and guys will dissapear so fast you won’t notice half of them. I hate this idea. They should have put one standard cruiserweight on match on this card and built huge for it. I’ll still watch intently but I just don’t care about it. So Chavo retains just for lack of interest.

John Cena VS Big Show, US Title
Steve’s Prediction: Cena
Thoughts: I think this is the most obvious pick on the entire card. Cena is
crazy over and he’s ready to take that next step and winning the US title
will do good things for him. As for Big Show, the loss doesn’t hurt him
that much, he loses to smaller guys all the time and his title reign wasn’t
anything special either, I think he might have defended the thing maybe
twice, perhaps 3 times since he won it. I also read today that Show may be
taking some time off following Mania to rest a few nagging injuries. But
even without that knowledge Cena is the obvious choice anyway.

Matt’s Prediction: Cena
Thoughts: Duh! It’s time for Cena to take this thing but he has been nutered recently on the mic to not say anything controversial which has really dulled him for me. Hopefully they take the reigns back off of him when he gets the belt. Or let him just cut a promo that isn’t a rap. He’s a quick charismatic guy. Let him just go out there and cut a promo. I think the raps are cool and he should keep them around… but not every word he speaks should be in rhyme. Hell, real rappers don’t do that. Cena goes over putting an end to the horror story that has been Big Show as champ.

Sable/Torrie vs. Stacy/Miss Jackie (Evening Gown Match)
Steve’s Prediction: I’ll either be taking a shit or getting something to eat
or drink while this match is on. Ok, so that’s not a prediction, it’s a
fact. My prediction is Sable and Torrie just in case anybody’s curious.
Thoughts: I think I’ve said all that really needs to be said about this
match already. But if you’re looking for serious wrestling commentary I’ll
repeat what I said on Salty Ham. Sable and Torrie will win because they’re
the ones on the cover of Playboy. It wouldn’t be good publicity for the
magazine to have them lose.

Matt’s Prediction: I’ll be checking hockey scores.
Thoughts: N/A. Get this shit off my ‘Mania card. Plus you’re in New York City. These are your most loyal fans shelling out HUGE dollars for this huge card and you’re giving them this shit. No fans appreciate work rate like New York fans and this match will not be received well by the crowd.

Angle vs. Guerrero (c) (WWE Title)
Steve’s prediction: Guerrero
Thoughts: This could and should easily be match of the night. Both of these
guys are fantastic and I’m really looking for great things to come out of
this one, I’m looking forward to it. I’m picking Guerrero to win because
Angle doesn’t need the title again, it won’t do anything for him at this
point. Eddy is the guy who needs the rub right now and if WWE handles him
right they’ll have their next big star on their hands in not too much time,
you can bet on that. Having him drop the title after only a month and after
all the build they gave him would just be stupid and they would be pissing
away a golden opportunity to create something great.

Matt’s Prediction: Guerrero
Thoughts: Match of the night, easily. I can’t wait. What else can you say? They’re both world class wrestlers and they’ll put on one hell of a show here. I look for Eddy to take the one but I don’t think the feud ends here. I would say it carries on for another month or so because, well really what else are they gonna do with these two guys with Brock gone? Not that I think another month of watching these two work together on top is bad cuz I could think of much much worse things. (Can anyone say “Deadman?)

Kane vs. Undertaker
Steve’s Prediction: Undertaker
Thoughts: I’m sort of excited to see the return of The Deadman, but I’m sure
it’ll be short lived excitement once he actually gets in the ring and I
remember why I hate him so much. I’m looking for the standard dark side
Undertaker match here, complete with Kane kicking out of multiple finish
attempts before finally being put away. Here’s an idea, why don’t they just
show their other Mania match from a few years ago again and save themselves
some time?

Matt’s Prediction: I see many kicks and punchs in the future. Also an Undertaker win.
Thoughts: Y’know, I have some interest in seeing how the Deadman gimmick is received in the year 2004. I think the first few weeks it will be welcomed but we’ve come so far that I think once the novelty wears off it will just be annoying that we’re supposed to believe in the supernatural in wrestling again.

‘Taker goes over to set up his huge annual post-Mania push. I said above that we may see more Angle/Eddy. That may be wishful thinking on my part and just hoping not to see ‘Taker put in to that picture. Plus, by putting Taker over it makes Kane human again which they desperately need to do. There are no more programs to put him in where he’s the unbeatable monster so by this they can send him back to the nothing but annoying but not really intimidating Kane we had a year ago. When you’re not getting the monster push to the belt anymore, you should no longer be squashing guys in seconds and getting the “you can’t hurt me because i’m a monster” treatment. This just makes sense for ‘Taker to go over here. Maybe it even means the end of Kane for good. One can only hope.

HHH (c) vs. Benoit vs. HBK (World Title)
Steve’s prediction: Benoit
Thoughts: I know this match is going to be good and that I’ll end up
enjoying it but the build-up for this match has really taken away some of
the anticipation I had for it. Michaels, as good as he is, has no right to
be in this match. It’s the main event of Wrestlemania, Benoit won the shot
fair and square at the Rumble, and Triple Threat matches suck and belong on
the lesser PPV’s, not Mania main events. Maybe I wouldn’t even mind so much
if the circumstances behind him getting in on the action weren’t so
completely stupid. Signing a contract with another guy’s name on it and
having it count as valid? I’m drawing another one of those “what the fuck”
lines here. But having said all of that, I’m still looking forward to this
match, just like I am pretty much everything else on the show. I’m sure all
3 guys will be bringing their A game and that no matter who ends up winning
this match will be a good one. Having anybody but Benoit win the thing
would sort of ruin it though I have to say.

Matt’s Prediction: HHH
Thoughts: Now just calm down before you freak out. This match will rule. HHH will bring his good shit cuz he’s working with HBK, HBK is great ALWAYS, (don’t mention that I’m a mark for him please, Steve) and Benoit just doesn’t have bad nights. I think we see HHH go over HBK in the finish with the pedigree. This eliminates HBK from the equation as up until then he has not actually lost his title chance. He hasn’t won yet but HHH never beat him. At ‘Mania HHH finally beats him but Benoit didn’t lose. This sets up HHH/Benoit at Backlash in…. Edmonton. If they want to put the belt on Benoit, why not wait one month until you’re in his home town, it’s not deluted by a third guy and we get a good one-on-one match. Plus, the roof will blow off the arena in Edmonton for Benoit winning the belt there and that will come off well on tv and get him over in other cities as he travels when people see the reaction he gets for winning the belt. I don’t have a problem with HHH retaining for one more month to put Benoit over in his home town.

Brock Lesnar vs. Goldberg
Steve’s prediction: Goldberg, even though Austin is the most deserving.
Thoughts: Wouldn’t it be funny if they made this an I quit match? Ha ha ha,
I kill me sometimes. I’m not sure if I’m the first person to use that line
but I’m using it anyway just because I can.

Up until a couple of days ago the winner of this match was obvious.
Goldberg was on his way out of the company and Lesnar was a big part of
their future plans. Now with Brock announcing that he’s leaving wrestling
to take a crack at a pro football career things aren’t quite so cut and dry
anymore. In fact, the only guy who deserves to be put over strong in this
match is Austin and he’s just the ref. It wouldn’t surprise me to see a
non-finish with Austin stunning both guys for things that they’ve done to
him previously. They might do it but since this is Wrestlemania and they’ve
been building up to this match for months, I think the fans deserve a clean
win and I think Goldberg should get it since if the Brock story turns out to
be true, Goldberg is the guy most likely to be working with the company
again even if nobody has a clue when that might be.

Matt’s Prediction: Goldberg
Thoughts: Well both guys are leaving so when in doubt and at WrestleMania in MSG, just put over the face. Like Steve said though, it should be Austin who comes out strong so after the finish look for him to probably give them both a good ass-whoopin’ which they won’t sell. And I mean, why would they? they’re leaving. If they really wanted to be unprofessional pricks and give the WWE a huge “Fuck You” then in the middle of the match they could both shoot and actually beat the shit out of Austin, or just walk out of the ring together ruining the match. Vince has to be nervous sending this match out there knowing both guys don’t care about the company after this night. Hopefully they have enough pride to try and make themselves at least look good but you never know. I think i’m just hopin’ for that cuz it would be real funny to see on live PPV at the biggest event of the year. I wouldn’t count on it though.

So that’s WrestleMania for this year. No matter who goes over, ‘Mania is always a great great show and it’s one that wrestling fans just don’t miss. I personally think there’s some crap on here just for the sake of having a long show but it won’t matter as long as the big matchs deliver and I think they will.

Enjoy the show everyone.

Salty Ham’s Wrestlemania Roundtable

This is just a quick note to let you all know that the
Salty Ham Wrestlemania Roundtable
is now up on the site. You can click that link there and see how bad some of our predictions are. This one’s really cool too, the monthly reader is Scotsman, if you don’t know who that is then shame on you.

By the way, Matt and I will have our own Mania deal up here in a few hours so be sure to stay tuned for that. But if you want to see my look at Mania as well as the predictions of some other smart people then click over to Salty Ham and check that out.

Back later.

Brock Lesnar Quits?!?

I gotta start by saying that I’m shocked with Steve and I running this thing how little wrestling talk there’s been. I could be wrong but this might be the first post ever on here devoted to wrestling only. If not, then its the first in a very long time.

It’s all over the ‘net right now that after the SmackDown! tapings on Tuesday night Lesnar stood up in front of all the talent and announced that WrestleMania’s match against Bill Goldberg would be his last before he leaves the company to try his luck in the NFL.

What the hell? I know he’s been frustrated with the WWE travel schedule and he wanted to keep the title for his match with Goldberg to keep him higher on the card and thus ensure a higher pay-off but I didn’t think it had gotten this bad.

It’s also been said that he’s become very unpopular backstage after buying his own plane for travel and he’s let his frustration with dropping the belt be very well known. Also he’s in line for a program with the Undertaker after WM where ‘Taker will most likely go over and he’s being tired of being made to look bad by the aging Undertaker. This would be his third program with ‘Taker in the last two years and though he gets put over, he always is made to look like a fool first.

There’s gotta be a lot of guys in that locker room real pissed right now. Management poured all kinds of time and money in to making him look like their top star and putting the future of the company on his shoulders. Guys like Rock and Angle that put him over clean to make him look like a star are now realizing that they did it for no reason. Countless mid-card guys that have been squashed by Lesnar repeatedly are now feeling the same way.

Times are tough but it sure doesn’t show much character on Lesnar’s part to bail because things aren’t going his way.

What about WM? Both guys are leaving now. It seemed pretty cut and dried that Lesnar would go over to make him look strong and to take Goldberg out of the WWE but now what? Why put either guy over if they’re both bailing on your company? I wonder if now WWE is a bit more anxious to give Goldy the money he wants to stick around as they will be losing some star power with Lesnar going. Certainly leaves things as a mess and it probably tells us that Edge will go to SmackDown on his return rather than RAW as was planned to try and fill the lack of star power left by Lesnar’s departure.

What a mess.

Finally, Another One

Well I finally threw a new edition of the Towel Snap up over on Salty Sports. it’s been a while but I finally had some time and a decent topic. We touch on the now famous Todd Bertuzzi incident this week so go check it out. It’s kind of a touchy subject that I’ve thrown a bit of a different spin on.

I hope Not Roland takes some time to check it out as he’s been askin’ for this.

The Guys’ Rules

This showed up in my e-mail this morning and I thought it funny enough to warrant a post over here. I haven’t edited out any of the “pass it on” bullshit cuz I’m just pretty lazy.

Enjoy.
—The Guys’ Rules

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down. Finally, the guys’ side of the story.
(I must admit, it’s pretty good.)

We always hear “the rules”
from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules!
Please note… these are all numbered “1”
ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are.
Don’t ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say nothing,” we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine…Really.

1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don’t mind that? It’s like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can – to give them a laugh.

Pass this to as many women as you can – to give them a bigger laugh!!