She’s Some Kinda What Now?

I just finished listening to the Storm game. They beat Owen Sound 6-2, for the record. Woo! But that’s not important at the moment. What’s important is what happened when CJOY went back to playing music after the postgame.

It wasn’t half bad, so I left it on. Then, I assume because it decided that it was only half bad and could totally be more bad, it played Some Kinda Wonderful by Sky. If you don’t remember that song, good for you. And I’m sorry for what I’m about to do.

So it’s playing away, and I’m thinking that I really need to turn it off and find something else to listen to. And then, out of the corner of my ear, I hear something.

“She’s some kinda wonderful. You got a snowflake, she’s an asshole.”

Hang on. That’s not right. I know it’s not right. I don’t remember what is right because I haven’t heard that song in eons and I try not to think about it, but I know what I want to be right. I’ll tell you one thing. I’m not looking it up, because I don’t want to ruin my foolishness for myself. It entertains me so.

But Carin, helpful killjoy that she is, just had to know.

Turns out that the real line is “She’s some kinda wonderful, Forget it snowflake she is mine, So…”

Meh. I know what it is forever in my heart.

Do I Have Your Attention Now?

Not quite as eventful as the one from the other day, but still worth a post because reading it has made me realize that I’m going to feel a little bad every time I travel now. Not because I touch myself and other people on planes and am starting to figure out that perhaps I shouldn’t, but because if some poor woman ever tries to get my attention this way, it’s not gonna work and she’s going to think I’m ignoring her. If she’s got Voiceover turned on good and loud we’ll be fine, but at that point she might as well just scream.

Shortly after taking off, the U.S. Attorney’s Office said, the victim, a 21-year-old woman who was seated next to Robinson during the flight, recorded a 24-second video of Robinson allegedly fondling and manipulating his penis through his pants.

A short time later, the victim alleges, she looked over and saw that Robinson had exposed his penis.

Approximately five minutes before landing, Robinson allegedly put his hand on the victim’s thigh. The victim then asked why he was touching her, and he withdrew his hand.
The victim got the attention of another passenger by showing a message on her phone that read: “Hi, this man assaulted me and touched my leg and is masturbating.”

Rogers Goes Back To Half Assing Blue Jays Radio

Sportsnet’s Blue Jays radio broadcasters will call road games remotely from Toronto
There’s still time for you to change your mind on this, Rogers. Please do that. And let’s get Bowen and Ralph traveling with the Leafs again while we’re at it.

Sports coverage, like a lot of coverage, loses something when it’s not done from where the event is happening. It doesn’t matter how good your reporters and announcers are. It just does. It’s less natural and not nearly as thorough, and it winds up coming through in the product. Jerry Howarth explains it pretty well.

Howarth, who called home and away games over three-plus decades in the Blue Jays’ radio booth, said it’s simply “essential” to be on site when a team is on the road.
“You’re at the batting cage and you’re visiting with players. You’re getting a glimpse of what happened the day before and what might happen in this game,” Howarth said in a recent interview from Toronto. “Then you go to the umpires’ quarters and have a visit with them or maybe (discuss) a call that happened the day before.
“You’re always gathering information and stories and things that you share with people on the radio.”

Howarth said in-person coverage allows broadcasters to become “fully absorbed” in what’s happening at the stadium.
“This is where the audience, when they don’t get this, in my mind they get cheated as far as the full enjoyment of a baseball season that takes 162 games to play,” he said.
“Give the audience every aspect of the game, not just half of it or just what’s at home.”

By the way, if Rob Manfred is telling the truth for once in his life, what is he even doing here?

The subject was raised during Major League Baseball commissioner Rob Manfred’s media availability at the Blue Jays’ complex late Thursday afternoon.
“Honestly I listen to baseball on the radio a fair amount actually,” Manfred said. “I can’t tell you that I really have discerned a significant difference in part because I’m not sure which clubs are doing what.
“So I’m just not qualified to give you a good answer on that one.”

Not to toot my own horn or whatever, but I never saw any announcement about Ben Wagner going back on the road part way through last season. It just hit me one day that the presentation sounded different. That made me go look it up and oh hey, I’m right. Not saying I couldn’t be fooled for a while especially by teams I don’t listen to all the time, but I also don’t run Major League Baseball.

What really gets me about this is that midseason, Rogers made a change for the better. Unless that was one of those accidents where someone forgot for a moment that they were supposed to run things cheap and shitty, why take a step backwards? If it was something that Wagner requested for health or family reasons then fine enough I guess, but if that’s the case then why isn’t Rogers letting him speak about it?

I’m still going to be happy when baseball gets here, but things like this make me look forward to it less than I should. But I suppose it could always be worse. At least we’re not stuck with TV guys who constantly forget they’re on the radio anymore.

Swat!

Today in people who don’t know what an internet or a library is: These two fellas who beat each other with a stick and a baseball bat when an argument over what mosquitos look like got out of hand.

According to an arrest warrant, officers found Shavers’ roommate standing outside with blood all over his face in the early morning hours of April 4. He told them Shavers had assaulted him.
Police found Shavers inside the home, sitting on his bed with blood on his head and hand, according to the affidavit.
It was then the victim explained to police how a discussion about what a mosquito looks like escalated into a fight. The roommate said Shavers grabbed a stick from behind his bed and started hitting him on the head with it, according to the affidavit. He said Shavers hit him at least six times, according to the affidavit.
The roommate then grabbed a metal bat from his closet and hit Shavers multiple times in the head.

It’s hard to tell who got the worst of things here. The unidentified victim required several stitches to close cuts on his head and cheek, but Victor Symone Shavers, who admitted to taking the first shot, ended up with a cut to the back of his head and a potentially broken hand, not to mention the part where he got arrested.

On second thought, maybe it’s not so hard.

But although we may know who won the battle on this night (not Mr. Shavers, for the record), we don’t know who won the argument. Who took what position and whether or not either was actually right were not reported. Also not reported was whether alcohol or other substances may have been involved in getting us to where we currently find ourselves.

We may never solve those issues, but we can darn sure go ahead and take care of one very important one right now.

Here, for future reference and to save the police another trip, is a page on the CDC website filled with pictures of mosquitos. Pictures such as this one.

An adult mosquito.
Problem solved.

That was easy.

I’ll Take Just Because All These Words Are Here Doesn’t Mean I Have To Quote Them For $200, Ken

Just a quick note to all current and future Jeopardy contestants.

If there is a category with a name that’s like 7000 words long, it is completely fine to not say each one of those 7000 words every time you ask for a clue.

Using tonight’s episode as an example, there is a category called “a decade of number one hits tells a story.” There are longer ones, but that is a long category name. But do you think that any of these people shortened that thing down to something like “hits for 200” or “number ones for six”? No, they did not. And this annoys me.

If no one has, I need somebody to compile some stats on how much time is wasted and how many clues go unplayed because of people who insist on yammering on for a hundred years every few seconds simply because they absolutely must say what’s on the board. It has to be more than zero. It has to be.

It could be worse, I suppose. One day some clown could try to rattle off the entire name of one of those “Hi, I’m Fred Wilson from Action News 7 and today I’m here at the…” categories. Although I kind of wouldn’t mind hearing somebody try to do that once. Just once, though.

Northeast On Southwest

Southwest Passenger Arrested for Masturbating FOUR Times During Flight

“McGarity was seated in seat 11F and the female witness was seated in seat 11E,” the complaint states. “Shortly after taking off, and while the aircraft was in the air, McGarity exposed his penis by pulling down his pants and shorts and began masturbating.”
When the female seated next to him noticed the lewd behavior, she began taking pictures of McGarity. When he fell asleep after masturbating for roughly an hour, the female passenger told a crew member about what she had witnessed and was allowed to move to another seat.

The complaint states that when the Southwest Airlines flight landed, Phoenix Police officers interviewed the woman, who reiterated she had seen McGarity masturbating “on four separate occasions, using both his left and right hands.”

When police interviewed Antonio Sherrodd McGarity, he admitted to what he had done, but didn’t see anything wrong with it.

“McGarity advised he asked the female witness if she minded if he masturbates,” the complaint states. “According to McGarity, the female witness put her hands in the air and said, ‘it really doesn’t matter.’”
McGarity thought the response was “kind of kinky” and believed the female was comfortable with him masturbating, the complaint adds.

Unfortunately we’re never told whether or not the woman actually did say that. She may have, because who among us knows how we would react if asked a question such as this? But even if she did, it doesn’t mean what you think it means, my dude. I think most of us can at least agree on that. For the benefit of those who can’t (you’re obviously out there), what you’re hearing as “go ahead, that sounds fun” in fact translates to “whatever. You’re gonna play with your dingding no matter what I say.”

If McGarity wants to play with his dingding in the future, he won’t be doing it on a Southwest aircraft. The company issued a statement saying that he had been put on their no-fly list and banned for life.

Hmmmmm. NO fly sounds kind of kinky, too.

Update: McGarity was eventually sentenced to 48 days in jail and a year of probation after pleading guilty to committing lewd, indecent, or obscene acts while on an aircraft. He was barred from flying commercially during his probation, but I suppose he might have been able to use a private plane if he wanted to. Get it? Private plane? Huh? Huh?

Boo On Me

I learned today that in 1980, Larry Zbyszko recorded a funky disco song called Boo On Me. I’m not going to sit here and tell you it’s great, but I expected it to be so much worse than it is. I think I might even almost like it.

I miss the days when wrestlers would do weird, fun stuff like this somewhat regularly. Here’s probably the best known example.

Carin loves the part at the end when he beats up the engineer and plugs him into the amp.

Five Finger Discount Lickin’ Good

I want to understand where this lady is coming from because four isn’t even close to eight, for crying out loud, but these thieving bastards at KFC only gave me half my chicken is still not something you call 911 to complain about.

The woman told a dispatcher she was at the KFC on Euclid Avenue in Euclid and paid for 8 pieces of chicken and only received 4.

“I only got four pieces of chicken and I want my chicken,” the woman told the dispatcher.
The dispatcher told the woman that was a civil matter, and she would have to take it up with management.
“There is not much the police can do about it,” the dispatcher told the caller.
The woman, however, insisted she wanted to talk to a police officer.

It doesn’t say here whether she spoke to one who charged her with misusing emergency services, but I assume not.

So Long, Sandy

Sandy and Trixie in the water
A doggy friend and a lake. What else could one ask for?

I got some sad news the other day. Sandy, Steve’s aunt’s dog, the Australian shepherd that has been in so many stories over the years, passed away. She was 14, so certainly lived a good long life, but it’s still sad.

We first met Sandy when she chased Trixie around and around and around the living room. She also loooved using me as a chew toy. She taught me quickly that she loved red things, and she thought my shirt, Trixie’s leash and harness and my purse were mmm mmm good. She certainly had energy to burn. Poor Trixie did not appreciate that game, and told her off about it next time we saw her.

Then, as Trixie got older, they became friends, going on camping trips together and having a great time.

When Tansy came along, I hoped that Tansy and Sandy would run around like crazy. But Sandy did not approve of Tansy’s antics, and would act as Trixie’s personal guard dog. Sandy and Tansy really never learned to get along, unfortunately.

It doesn’t seem possible that Sandy has been part of family gatherings and stories for 14 years. But then again, the cousins are all grown up and they were smallish when Sandy showed up on the scene.

And just like that, another piece of history is gone. Goodbye Sandy. Thanks for the memories.