Let’s Go To The Hop. And The Courthouse. And The Jail

$700,000 is a pretty nice chunk of change to be sure, but if I’m going to need to amputate my legs and then tell the insurance company that sepsis got me in order to claim it, I’ll do without, thanks. I guess I’m just not as determined as the now appropriately named Neil Hopper.

It is alleged that between 3 and 26 June 2019 Mr Hopper made a false representation to insurers by claiming that injuries to his legs were the result of sepsis and not self-inflicted.
He also faces a charge that between 21 August 2018 and 4 December 2020 he bought videos from a website called The Eunuch Maker which showed the removal of limbs and he encouraged Marius Gustavson to remove the body parts of third parties.
Mr Hopper, who is originally from Aberystwyth, Ceredigion, had been employed by the Royal Cornwall Hospitals NHS Trust from 2013 until he was arrested in March 2023, police said.
He has been suspended from the medical register since December 2023.

You Can Cross, But You’ll Want To Watch Out For Self-Driving Teslas

There are variations, but generally, an accessible pedestrian street crossing signal sounds something like this:

But for a little while in Redwood City, California, some of them sounded like this:

Or in Palo Alto, like this:

Those are obviously not the real voices of Mark Zuckerberg and Elon Musk, but I must say that the fakes are pretty well done.

Right now, you’re probably wondering how those poles came to sound like that. City officials were too, so they investigated. And while those investigations didn’t yield a who, they’re pretty sure they’ve got a why. They don’t seem overly keen to talk about it, but everybody say it with me now…Always change your default passwords to something stronger!

For years, Polara has had a publicly accessible app on the Google Play Store and the Apple App Store that allowed city officials to access Polara systems. Within 48 hours of the incident being reported in Silicon Valley, the app was pulled from the stores.
Theoretically, access to the crosswalk buttons requires a four-digit numeric code created by the city. However, many online commenters have pointed out that some cities never change the default password: 1234. Polara later republished the app with additional password security requirements. While a four-digit password allows for 10,000 possible combinations, some cybersecurity experts say it can be cracked instantly.
Polara has since added a lockout feature that limits users to two password attempts and gave cities the ability to disable connectivity altogether.

I’ll admit, this is funny. But I’d like to make a request.

Eventually, I will die. But I’d rather not have it happen preventably and prematurely with Elon fucking Musk as a soundtrack, thank you very much. So even if you know how to do this, please don’t. Those signals serve an important purpose. People’s lives (mine included) literally depend on them functioning properly.

We Aren’t Cancelling Your Comedy Show Because You Hurt Our Feelings? What Is this, An Application For A Writing Job?


I’m not going to sit here and say that Paramount is lying when it says that the decision to cancel the Late Show next year was a financial one. The world has changed a lot this century. The entertainment landscape is much more fragmented now than I think a lot of us ever could have imagined, and it’s hit traditional TV extremely hard. There are still a lot of people watching, but that number is getting smaller all the time. Even a well rated show isn’t necessarily going to command the same type of advertising money that it used to, and even though segments from the late night shows often pull in millions of views on YouTube (I’m one of them because I’m old and have to get up in the morning), the economics of that are often quite different, which you can go ahead and read as not as lucrative. So it stands to reason that even a show that appears successful could become a drag on the bottom line, especially when it’s not cheap to produce.

With that said, however, if you think that I think that they’re being completely honest when they go out of their way to say it’s all money and has nothing at all to do with anything going on at Paramount, then I think that you’re nuts.

Stephen Colbert has been going hard after the Trump administration on his show nearly every night for a decade. Paramount, which owns CBS, is itself trying to merge with a company called Skydance Media, which is controlled by Larry and David Ellison, billionaires who count themselves as Trump supporters and who apparently already have plans to make the network more conservative. There is a multi-billion dollar deal in place, but in order for it to be made official, it needs regulatory approval. That approval needs to come from the FCC, which is at present controlled by a Trump supporting lunatic who seems pretty committed to doing whatever dear leader tells him he’s going to do. Dear leader, meanwhile, had filed a lawsuit against CBS during last year’s election campaign accusing the network of deceptively editing an interview that 60 Minutes conducted with Kamala Harris. that lawsuit, according to basically everyone up to and including some of Paramount’s own lawyers, was frivolous as shit. But because corporations are largely soulless entities devoid of principles, instead of putting the merger on hold and using their considerable resources to defend the freedom of news departments everywhere and to hand Trump his ass, they went ahead and settled it for $16 million. On his show last Monday, Colbert called this exactly what it is. “A big fat bribe.” By Thursday, he was being slow walked out the door. If you don’t think the timing there is at least a little suspect, then I’ve got a bridge I’d like to sell you.

I want to believe that this is an isolated incident, but I’m not that naive. If I’m Jimmy Kimmel or Seth Meyers or especially everyone at the Daily Show which is also owned by Paramount, I’m starting to get nervous. ABC, which airs Kimmel, has already settled one of Trump’s other stupid news department lawsuits, so it’s not unthinkable that they wouldn’t go to bat for an expensive Trump hating comedian if they thought it would be advantageous.

No, late night television isn’t what it used to be, but it’s still important, especially now. It’s one of the only places left in the mainstream where you can hear what’s really going on and be told straight up how not normal it all is. If we lose that, especially for the reasons we’ve just lost some of it, I think we lose more than we realize.

Dear Congress: If You Want To Have A Fun Summer, Smoke My Wiener. Signed, Canada

A group of six Republican politicians from Wisconsin and Minnesota took a break from polishing Trump’s knob or whatever it is that Congress does to let the world know that they neither know how the wind works nor that their own country also has forests that sometimes catch on fire, hurting and killing people in the process. They did so in the form of a letter addressed to Kirsten Hillman, Canada’s ambassador to the United States. In it, they chastise Canada for being a bunch of arsonists who don’t know how to keep the woods clean, and more importantly, for ruining their summer with all that damn smoke.

“We write to you today on behalf of our constituents who have had to deal with suffocating Canadian wildfire smoke filling the air to begin the summer,” it reads.
“In our neck of the woods, summer months are the best time of the year to spend time outdoors recreating, enjoying time with family, and creating new memories, but this wildfire smoke makes it difficult to do all those things.”

The representatives ask how the federal government plans to mitigate the wildfire smoke, attributing “a lack of active forest management” as a major driver of Canadian wildfires, and suggesting that some of the fires began with arson.
“With all the technology that we have at our disposal, both in preventing and fighting wildfires, this worrisome trend can be reversed if proper action is taken.”

That person is not going to be me, but I do very much hope that someone who is good at data analysis will do a deep dive into these six and report back on how they’ve voted on climate and environmental regulations during their careers. You know, so we can get a sense of how they truly feel about taking “proper action”.

As for mitigating the smoke, maybe we’ll build you a border wall. We promise it’ll work almost as well as that other one. We’ll get started just as soon as you guys stop sending all your sewage up here.

Look, Some Dizziness

When I saw that someone had mashed up “The Look” and “Pour Some Sugar ON Me”, I had the thought I often have when confronted with a combination that doesn’t immediately make sense to me. “Hmmm. Interesting. I wonder how that’s gonna work.”

The answer is that even though on a basic level you can tell that it wants to, in the end it doesn’t. Not one little bit. Not in hands that get way too cute with it, at least. But I think I might know what shrooms or an acid trip feel like now, so I guess there’s that.

Stayin Alive, the Ragtime, Rockabilly, Normal Person Voice Range Edition

I was at a wedding a couple nights ago and someone told me how much he hated the song “Stayin’ Alive”. I don’t know if I’m sheltered or what, but I’m fairly certain that no one had ever said that to me before and I fully expect to live the rest of my life without hearing it again.

I doubt that the person in question would like it any better if it sounded like rockabilly or ragtime rather than disco, but I was certainly entertained by this right here.

Is There A French Word For Epinephrine?

If anything is going to help me get out of yet another posting drought, it’s going to be the need to make Carin aware that hundreds of bees recently attacked a bunch of people and that nobody quite knows why it happened.

Several dozen people were injured – with three rushed to hospital in a critical condition – in an unusual bee attack in a French town, local authorities said.
Twenty-four passersby were hurt when hundreds of bees suddenly attacked people in the central-southern town of Aurillac on Sunday morning. The three in a critical condition are now stable.
According to local media, one of them was a 78-year-old woman who was stung 25 times and had to be resuscitated after a cardiorespiratory arrest.
Police and firefighters fenced off the area and a beekeeper was called in to smoke out the bees – a safe way to calm the insects.
A local woman called Andrée said she witnessed “very panicked people” trying to bat off the bees. “I could tell they were being attacked by something but I couldn’t figure out what,” she told French media.

Depending on who you ask, the blame belongs to a group of threatening Asian hornets taunting the bees, the colony somehow becoming larger than it should have and getting overly active, stress due to a problem with the queen, early blossoming that lead to less food for them later on, or maybe just the weather being up and down.

The bees have been moved to an area outside of town, so I suppose there’s no need to worry about the cause unless you decide to take a walk in the country.

Bless You, Joe!

I have no idea how you replace someone like Joe Bowen, but Rogers has about a year to figure it out. Yes, we’ve hit another day I thought would never come.

After 44 Years of being the Voice of your Toronto Maple Leafs, I have decided that the 2025-26 Season will be my last behind the microphone. I have been totally blessed to be able to do “My Dream Job” for this long, eclipsing the career of my idol Foster Hewitt. I will reach over 3800 games some time this season. Thanks so very much to all who have made this wonderful career possible! Len Bramson and Telemedia Sports for giving a Sudbury native the chance of a lifetime and all who have followed at MLSE and various radio stations who allowed me to continue in this dream job. I have worked with the absolute best at my side in the booth, Harry Neale for 12 seasons, but none better than my partner of 28 years, Jim Ralph. Most of all, thank you to the loyal group know as Leaf Nation, for allowing me to invade your vehicle, family room and hearts over these wonderful years! Your support, and interaction has been what has made this “job” so wonderful! You are the most loyal and demonstrative fans on the face of the earth!! I can not THANK YOU enough!!! I sincerely hope that this will be the “One Before I Am Done” Season for the Leafs as they chase that elusive Cup!

If we were playing word association and you said “Leafs”, there’s a very good chance that my answer would be “Joe Bowen”. More than any player they’ve had in my lifetime, Joe, Bob Cole, Harry Neale and Jim Ralph are the Leafs to me. I’m the same way with Tom Cheek and Jerry Howarth when it comes to the Blue Jays.

He’s been calling their games for about as long as I’ve been alive, and it’s going to be really, really strange when he’s gone. Whoever does replace him, I hope that person has half the energy and passion that Joe does. Seriously, if there’s anyone who puts more of himself into calling a game, I haven’t heard that person.

I guess this is the part where I say HOLY MACKINAW! WHAT A CAREER!

You Should Try The App I Use. It’s Called Blanket

I’m worlds better than I used to be, but I’m still not anything close to what you’d call a champion sleeper. Even now, there are nights when it’s just not happening for me no matter what I do. Sometimes the problem is too much noise outside. Sometimes it’s weird dreams. Sometimes it’s headaches or my plugged nose, which have given me trouble my whole life. And sometimes I have no idea what the matter is.

But you know what the matter has never, ever been? My stupid, overpriced, AI-ridden bed being too cold for comfort because the app isn’t working.

YouTuber Theo “t3.gg” Browne had a bizarre — and hilariously 21st-century — reason for suffering through a sleepless night.
“Woke up because my AI-controlled bed is too cold,” the San Francisco-based content creator wrote in a tweet that has since gone viral.
Browne owns an intelligent mattress cooling system called Pod3, created by sleep tech company Eight Sleep. It boasts a host of sensors that track biometrics, including heart rate and sleep stages. An optional cooling cover cycles cooled or heated water through embedded coils, allowing sleepers to either raise or lower the temperature as needed.

Unsurprisingly, things don’t always go according to plan, especially given the level of technical complexity involved.
“Went to adjust temperature and I can’t because the Eight Sleep app is currently broken,” Browne wrote, seething that the situation was “unacceptable.”
“Now I am stuck in a cold bed,” he added. “This feels dystopian.”

At present, I am grappling with two thoughts. I am, of course, angry that this exists and that someone spent thousands of dollars worth of perfectly good money including a monthly subscription on it instead of doing something helpful like donating to charity. But I also must confess that I might sleep the tiniest bit easier tonight knowing that no matter what might have gone wrong for me today or how badly I may feel about myself because of it, I am far from the dumbest fuck in the world and that a far dumber one is having a more miserable time than I am simply because he is dumb. We spend entirely too much time rewarding dumbfuckery these days especially when it’s rich, so while this is a small victory, I’ll happily take one where I can get one.

How I Learned To Eat Soup, And To Waste Some Dickhead’s Day

It’s been a while, but I’ve finally come across another good use for AI. Building an army of bots and setting it loose on scam call centres!

One person tying up one other person for a while is fine and all, but in the grand scheme,that’s a fight you’re never going to win if the goal is to really disrupt the operation. But if you had, say, 12 or 15 different versions of you that never needed a break, now we’re talking. We’re talking and talking and talking and talking and talking…

Fighting scammers with the world’s first AI call center to disrupt scams!

I’ve been working on this project for over 5 years now and it’s exciting to share it with you all. Thank you so much to everyone who has supported me!