The Victoria Lindsay Story Gets Weirder

Here’s a puzzler for you. Remember I talked about that kid who got the crap kicked out of her by 6 kids who then put the beating on YouTube? Well Apparently the kids bought her drinks and apologized for the beating before leaving her at the drugstore. What kind of freaky people would do that?

There’s even a recording of her 911 call where her friend’s mom gets on the phone and says these kids have been known to try and run other people off the road. So my question is did YouTube tell them to do that too? This wasn’t a one-off. These kids are obviously messed up, and I don’t know whose fault it is, but it’s bigger than one YouTube filming.

Trixie’s Been Home One Year!

I really hope this post doesn’t suck, I’m still really tired from taking a two-day first-aid course. But I couldn’t let this day pass without saying something.

Trixie has been home exactly a year. Can anyone believe it? It sure feels weird to me, even though I know it’s true, and the date is burned into my brain. I remember coming home, and everything was new. Sure, I had done this before, but I lived in a different place, and it was so long ago. There was the art of finding a place where she could do her business that was easy to find. There was learning where exactly I was going to go with the dog poop. There was knowing exactly how often she needed to relieve. Oh the first few days, I was out every couple of hours! Little did I know she would do anything to avoid having an accident in the house, and would tell me if she was about to burst. If I was too dense to get the message, she would bug the hell out of Steve until he said the magic words “uh, Carin, I think she needs to poop.”

It was so overwhelming at first. I was paranoid that I wasn’t giving her enough attention, even though I pretty much spent every waking minute with her. ThenI was paranoid Steve would feel squeezed out. Yup, I was a nutcase. An exhausted nutcase, but a nutcase. I remember trying to have a conversation with an old friend, and being so tired and worried about Trixie that it was no use.

And then there were the issues with my knee. I remember when mom and dad saw me getting off the plane and trying to walk around with that brace. It just about killed mom to see me in that much pain. I remember being terrified that Trixie would be nuts, just like Babs, and dad would have a heart attack. But Trixie was nearly perfect. I had to put the gental leader on her because she wouldn’t heel properly, but other than that, she made them love her in no time flat.

As we climbed into the back of mom and dad’s car, I could tell Trixie was wondering what in hell was going on. She squished up against me as close as she could. the poor, poor thing. I joked for a few months that she viewed mom and dad as the ominous agents of change, because they were the first new people she saw once we got off the plane. It was their car that took her to her new home.

This year has taught me a lot of stuff. I remember when I was preparing to get her. I was trying to think of everything, and I was freaking out about what I would have done with her if I was still working with those kids at the women’s shelter. I couldn’t have her in there with them, one of them might fall on her! But I couldn’t leave her up in the office. She might get into trouble or people might feed her, or…oh oh oh what to do? Now I know I would get a collapsable crate, leave it there, and crate her when I was there. Is that really so difficult? But it was difficult at the time. I guess that’s what a year’s experience will do. It takes the overwhelming and makes it ordinary and easy to solve.

People tell me I’ve been through the worst of the testing. Now, things should get better and better. I sure hope so. I want many more years with my little genius.

You Are Getting Sleepy…Sleepy…And Stupid…

From the country that brought you legalized public sex in the park comes wackiness of such a degree that it has to be a product of all that legalized pot.

Unemployed Dutch people are being forced to sign up for what is being called past-life therapy in the hopes that getting in touch with old selves and reflecting on the negative experiences those people might have had will give their current minds some perspective on why they have trouble finding work now.

Government officials, who are apparently serious about this and not just fucking with people because they’re high and they can, have gone so far as threatening welfare recipients with the loss of their benefits if they refuse to enter the program.

Luc Winants, the councillor responsible for social affairs in Maastricht, has defended the technique as a spiritual method for helping the unemployed.

“It might very well be true that reincarnation therapy is a means to get people back to work,” he told De Limburger newspaper.

Well ok, when you use that kind of persuasive language, spending those thousands of dollars makes complete sense. I’m a fool for thinking otherwise.

At press time there was no word on whether Mr. Winants had decided to seek therapy to get in touch with the past life that suffered a profound brain injury, but we’ll keep you posted.

There’s Always Time For Tim Hortons…To Shit All Over The Good Work Of Others

This,
for lack of a better way to describe it, is fucking retarded.

A small cafe set up in the Ottawa Hospital to help raise money to pay for new equipment has seen its revenue plummet ever since a Tim Hortons outlet opened up in the critical care wing of the same facility.

Hospital officials say that the charity gets a percentage of the rent paid by Tims, and that the move will ultimately mean more dollars for the hospital. That sounds great, and it would be if not for the ongoing discussions about whether or not the cafe should remain open or be shut down.

I freely admit that I’m bad at math, but even I’m smart enough to know that a percentage of something, even if it’s a big one is less than all of it, which just so happens to be the amount that the hospital takes in from the charity restaurant.

I don’t understand why anybody with any business sense or with the best interests of the hospital and it’s clients at heart would do something this stupid. Are there Tim Hortons executives on the hospital’s board? That’s the only reason I can fathom for a decision so utterly absurd. People are willing to donate their time and give you everything they make, and you repay them by allowing a chain store to walk in, take away all their business and then put less money into the fund? Some people are lining their pockets with this deal, I have no doubt about that. It’s just a shame that it isn’t the people who should be.

Zamzar: Free Online File Converter

I just found out about a service called
Zamzar
that allows you to convert files into several different formats. The best part? The basic service is totally free and works like a dream.

I tested it out by converting some pdf’s to text, made a YouTube video into an avi and then into an mp3 quickly and easily. If I were to make one complaint it would be that all but one of my notification emails ended up in my spam folder, but that’s nobody’s fault and easy to sort out.

The free site will allow you to convert up to 5 files at once to a maximum of 100 megabytes, which is a really nice time-saving feature. If you need to convert more than that you can sign up for one of their paid plans, the priciest of which let’s you upload a gig at a time.

I’ll link the site in our computer resources section so that you’ll always be able to find it if you forget what it’s called, but it may take some time to show up there due to me being a lazy, absent-minded prick.

I’m Not Think You Who I Am

The following is a helpful tip from your friends at the Vomit Comet.

If you’re going to go out drinking and need to use a fake ID, do your best to make sure that the guy you’re pretending to be
isn’t wanted by the police for anything.

Winona police were called to Brothers Bar, 129 W. Third St., at 12:43 Saturday morning. The bouncer at the downtown bar suspected he had a fake identification card. The person on the driver’s license, a Kevin Michael Stenson, was 27. But the bar patron didn’t look nearly that old.

Police confronted the man who presented the identification, and he insisted he was indeed Kevin Michael Stenson, according to the police report. Police then ran Stenson’s name through dispatch only to reveal that Stenson had at least one warrant for his arrest.

As they told “Stenson” this, Riley, 20, of Oak Park, Ill., quickly admitted his real name and that he had used the identification to drink in the bar, according to police reports.

Cole Patrick Riley, the man who had been playing the part of mr. Stenson, was taken to detox for the night and has been charged with giving false information to police, underage consumption and possessing the identification of another. He is currently residing in the Winona County Jail and is supposed to be making a court appearance today.

Hell of a way to end a night on the town.

This Story Has It All

This tiny news article is great for a number of reasons.

  1. There were legitimate fears that graffiti that has started appearing at a Florida school showing stick figures with giant peckers was the work of street gangs, because you know how those hoods and thugs love their penis jokes.
  2. Police have been called in more than once to investigate and have determined that no, street gangs are not involved.
  3. The story was reported under the headline “Explicit graffiti pops up at elementary school.”
  4. The school in question? That would be Longwood Elementary, of course.

Some days I’m convinced that the news is written just for me.

For That Price I Should Be Able To Ride In It Too

Did you know that for only $3500 you can get yourself a 1950’s style hot rod complete with leather bucket seats, a swank paint job and about a zillion other custom features? Well you can.

Sounds awesome you say? Would be a deal at twice the price? Sure, but would you feel the same way if I told you that what you were paying for was a
baby buggy?
No? Yeah, me neither.

It is the ultimate in buggy-bling: the baby-stroller for the infant – and parents – who must have everything. More Top Gear than Mothercare, the latest pushchair from California harks back to classic 1950s hot rods, with chrome trim kit options, teardrop fenders and surround sound to let the baby rock while you are rolling.

The top of the range tailfin Roddler from Kid Kustoms will set parents back at least $3,500 (about £1,750). Customised paint jobs, suede or leather upholstered bucket seats and even brake lights are among extras available.

“Gone are the days of being relegated to pushing your child in something as stylish as a shopping cart. Our buggies are really made the same way a car is, only without the production line. In essence it’s the same as having a custom hot rod for your kids.”

This seems like as good a time as any to mention 2 things:
1. No matter how much you pay for one of these you still have to push it yourself,
and
2. It’s just a baby, a baby that doesn’t care and won’t remember how it gets around. Save your money and put it through school.

I’m Sorry, I Just Can’t Help Myself

Note to journalists everywhere: When writing a story about a guy with a long history of molesting folks on the subway, there’s got to be a better way to describe him than “the 6-foot, 227-pound Johnson”, even if Johnson does happen to be his name. Remember, people like me read these things, and people like me have never been the type to be above going for the easy laugh.

And hey, I tried to warn you people years ago about the dangers of letting those things grow too big. See what you get for not listening to me?