I Hate To Use Something So Corny, But What An American Idiot

I realize that this story is kind of old, but it’s so great and I’ve heard so little about it that it just has to be mentioned. And if anybody knows about any new developments in this case, I’d love to hear about them. I love watching other people humiliate themselves.

Oregon Grocery Store Clerk Claims To Have Written Green Day’s American Idiot

McPike is representing himself in the matter and the only evidence he has submitted thus far is a copy of American Idiot and a claim that the words that Green Day vocalist Billie Joe Armstrong sings on the album don’t exactly match those printed in the liner notes. The former ski resort employee plans to continue researching copyright law and to resubmit his complaint with additional unspecified evidence.

McPike says he’s written songs since high school and, while he’s never performed publicly, he’s occasionally sung some of his compositions for friends. He believes that a buddy must have recorded him singing at home, and that a cassette of his work somehow got into Green Day’s hands.

Riiiiight.

But let’s play pretend for a minute and act like this guy isn’t either out of his mind or completely full of shit. If he wins his case, Green Day could be in real trouble. I hate to say it, but if he wrote that song, there’s no telling how much of their other work he might ultimately be responsible for. I love Green Day, but even I know that a lot of their stuff has a similar sound to it, and they could end up owing him a lot of money depending on how many of those tapes they lifted from his friends over the years.

World’s Worst Drivers is the World’s Funniest Show.

Well, maybe not, but it’s pretty damn funny. If you ever get the chance to watch the show World’s Worst Drivers, do it! It’s not just that the horrid driving stunts that are captured on video are utterly hillarious. It’s not just that the guy doing the narrating is able to keep cracking me up with his descriptions of imbeciles behind the wheel. But you have to see the episode where, when a bad British driver is pulled over, he shouts at the camera man, twice, “Get that camera off me or I’ll shove it up your ringpiece!” And the best is he doesn’t even seem threatening. Oh he’s trying, but failing. Ringpiece? Ya learn a new word every day!

What Year Is It Anyway?

Everybody keeps telling me that it’s 2006, but with all this
talk of microphone outfitted security cameras on public streets,
I swear that it’s actually 1984. Seriously guys, you’re creeping me out here.

And I know I know, you’re claiming that the microphones can’t pick up words because they’re up too high and you can’t zoom the audio in to make it clearer anyway, but if that’s the case, how can they hear tones? I seriously wish that the general public was half way aware of stuff like this, because the people responsible for this system and others like it should have to provide quite a few good answers to quite a few good questions before anything is installed anywhere.

From: Your Blogger.

Um…ok then. I just got a spam from, and I quote, “Your Doctor,” advertising meds. Mysteriously, my doctor has lost her name, and writes me now, just claiming she’s my doctor. Uh-huh. Nice job, spammers. But the sad thing is this might work on some people. I can see it now. “Oh. It’s my doctor! It must be legit.” Oh the creative ways of spammers to prey on the stupid, the naive and the uninformed.

I Didn’t Know You Were a Mute.

I swear the strangest things happen to me when I’m out and about. Like this little gem for example. I’ll be standing at an intersection waiting for my chance to cross and not get killed. The time comes, andI’ll step off. Suddenly, without a word spoken, someone who I didn’t even notice beside me will have a firm grip on my arm!

Um dude. I appreciate you’re help, but if you don’t say a word to me, I have no idea what your intentions are. If I was a more jumpy person, I might think you were robbing me and start swingin’! I can’t even say all the ones who grab me without a word can’t speak the language, because when I say something like “What the hell?” I get very clear English spoken back.

Why do people feel the need to grab and try and drag me places? I mean, would they like it if random people decided to grab them and help them get into the store and across the street without provocation? Yesterday, the guy’s grip wasn’t so firm, so I was able to give him a little shove that was half accidental, half startled response and get him away. I appreciate the help, but please ask first before you decide to help me, and please, please, please, speak! With the number of creeps lurking around downtown anymore, I don’t take chances!

2 Things I Want For Christmas

It’s that time of year again. Time for my friends, family and blog readers [yeah right] to start asking the big question. “Steve, what do you want for Christmas?” Most years I kind of pause and just say “I dunno, just get me a gift certificate or something,” but this year I actually have 2 pretty good suggestions for everyone.

Suggestion number 1: The Vestibules, one of the greatest comedy troops of all time, have just released a huge collection of their classic material in a 4-volume mp3 set. The details are here, and if you’re a longtime fan like I am, you’ll love what they’ve included here. Each volume is only $5, and I can safely say that they could charge double that and I’d still buy all 4 of them.

Suggestion number 2: A roll of Recording Industry Association Of America toilet Paper.

I think Cory Doctorow over at Boing Boing said it best when he said, “Jinx is selling $6 rolls of RIAA bumwad — though it seems redundant. Those four letters are already inextricably associated with dirty assholes.”

How true.

And yes, I realize that toilet paper was suggestion number 2. Aren’t I clever? I didn’t think so either, don’t worry.

Plugs Ahoy!

It’s actually only 1 plug, but I couldn’t think of anything better to call this.

Salty Ham.com,
the list happiest site on the internet, is at it again. This time they’ve teamed up with the folks from
TBL
and
X Headlines
to present the top 100 pro wrestlers of all time.

Even though I’ve never been high on stuff like this, I went along with it because it’s good for business and I’m cool like that.

Anywho, the first part of the list is now up and ready for you to look over and comment on
here.

More of the list will be released in the coming weeks, and since I plug everything I do and I always need posting material, I’ll let you know when they’re posted. You can always stop by The Ham and look for them, but you should already be visiting there daily anyway so I shouldn’t have to tell you that.

Why I Don’t Write Songs

Any time I’ve been involved in any sort of musical project, I’ve always been pretty well content to stay away from the songwriting end of things. The reason for that is simple. I don’t write songs because I know that no matter what I do and no matter how hard I try, I will never in a million lifetimes be able to do better than this, which may just be the greatest piece of music ever composed.

Thanks to our old pal Greg for passing this work of genius our way.

Aaaaa! Not Yet!

I was sitting with a friend yesterday when she suddenly turned to me and said, “You have a big patch of grey hair!” This freaked me out, because I’m only 27! What the hell am I doing with a big spot of grey hair? I know I stress out a lot, maybe I gave them to myself! What a thought?

This started a whole cascade of thoughts. I wondered what it looks like, since I can’t really stand in front of a mirror and check. Ug!

Then I thought, how long until my whole head of hair is grey? What if it happens soon? I always said I wouldn’t rinse my hair, after seeing my mom’s hair destroyed by hair-colouring solution that always smelled more like urine than anything else. I’d watch her walk around with that thing on her head and think, “Why would you willingly wear piss on your head?” I knew it was to look good, but it still seemed wrong. Now her hair is all dry, like straw, and brittle. I don’t want mine to feel that way.

But I don’t want to look like an old hag either! I mean, some people can pull off the dignified grey hair thing, but I think they have to be actually older first. I don’t think I’m that old yet.

Then I thought, god I’m vain. I never wanted to be that way. I’m not the girl who likes to dress up. Hell I hate dressing up. I always feel like I can’t do what I feel comfortable doing because I’ll rip something or dirty something. Ug. Too much work. Plus it doesn’t feel like it suits me.

Then I thought, I think I’m thinking too much, probably adding to my stupid grey hairs.

I wonder how big the patch is now? Maybe after a while, if I get enough of them, people won’t think of me as the lost little kid anymore. Maybe this has its advantages.

Arg….Government!

It just never stops. The government’s quest for more ways to get tax money out of the people. Here’s the latest twist. Get this. There are internet gaming environments like Second Life and World of Warcraft, in which you can play these games and interact with other users. One of the things you can do withother users is buy and sell things. But this is all within the virtual world. This virtual economy is booming, and some of these communities have a virtual GDP rivaling the real GDP’s of some small countries. Apparently, there is now a U.S. congressional committee investigating how to tax these virtual assets. Sure, if user a and user b exchange real money, they know how to tax that, but now they want to tax the virtual stuff, the stuff that never leaves the server on which the game is played.

Hey buds, do you not grasp the difference between virtual and real? If the assets are *virtual*, they don’t actually exist outside the fantasy land of these servers. Therefore, there is no earthly way you can tax them! What’s next? You’re going to tax the assets gained in monopoly games? But they’re still ploughing ahead, wanting to have a report drafted up on this by the end of the year.

All I can say is, stupid government pricks! Do they not know when to stop? Of course they don’t! Why do I bother to ask?