Weekend At Dipshit’s

Every time I see the title of this story, I start laughing. You’ll see why.

If your room-mate croaks, and you really want his social security cheque, but the dude at Pay-O-Matic says he needs to see said room-mate, whatever you do, don’t wheel him down the street in an office chair before you go in. You’ll probably not get the security cheque, but what you will get is a crowd of upset folk, a police arrest and a fraud charge.

Dudes, you’re 65. You should know that dead people don’t sit up like live ones. You’re lucky the autopsy came back with natural causes as the cause of death, otherwise, you look like murderers! How stupid are you? I guess you’re this stupid.

The roommate, James P. O’Hare, and his friend, David J. Dalaia, both 65 and unemployed, placed Mr. Cintron’s body in the chair and wheeled it around the corner, south along Ninth Avenue on Tuesday afternoon, the police said. The men parked the chair with the corpse in front of Pay-O-Matic at 763 Ninth Avenue, a check-cashing business that Mr. Cintron had patronized.

They went inside to present the check, but a clerk said Mr. Cintron would have to cash it himself, and asked where he was, the police said.

“He is outside,” Mr. O’Hare said, indicating the body in the chair, according to Mr. Browne.

The two men started to bring the chair inside, but it was too late.

Their sidewalk procession had already attracted the stares of passers-by who were startled by the sight of the body flopping from side to side as the two men tried to prop it up, the police said. The late Mr. Cintron was dressed in a faded black T-shirt and blue-and-white sneakers. His pants were pulled up part of the way, and his midsection was covered by a jacket, the police said. While the two men were inside the check-cashing office, a small crowd had gathered around the chair. A detective, Travis Rapp, eating a late lunch at a nearby Empanada Mama saw the crowd and notified the Midtown North station house.

Police officers and an ambulance arrived as the two men were trying to maneuver the corpse and chair into the check-cashing office.

Oh well, you provided some funny reading.

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