Dear Kimberly DeWolf

I’m sure you loved your dog and that he meant a lot to you, but that’s no reason to cry like a baby and threaten to
sue your local newspaper because they won’t run an obituary for him.
He may have been a child to you, but to the rest of us he’s just somebody’s dog, one of millions of pets that come and go every year. And no matter what you might think, he’s one of millions that nobody wants to read about in the paper, so get your head out of your ass, get on with life and for the love of Christ stop bothering the people who report my news.

Here’s an idea. If you want the thing published so bad, get a blog and put it up yourself. They’re free, and the sooner you use one the sooner you can shut up and stop being thought of as the retarded dog lady. Even if you don’t take my advice, please shut up anyway. I’ve never met you, but I can tell you’re somebody who would greatly annoy me if I ever did.

As an aside, yes, I did notice that a woman named DeWolf considers a dog her child and yes, I did find it funny.

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