A Gun Disguised As A Cell Phone. Just What America Needs

I want to say right off the top that I hope I’m getting hoaxed here. I don’t think I am, but I really, really hope. Because even though I’ve seen what you’re about to see from a couple of generally reputable sources, when I run into something as stunningly stupid as MN company invents gun that looks like a cell phone, I think we’d all be better off as a species if the Vomit Comet guy got tricked.

MONTICELLO, Minn. – A Minnesota company is making national headlines for a gun that’s not even on the market yet. 
The start-up Monticello company, called Ideal Conceal, is getting a lot of attention for its double-barrel .380-caliber handgun. The reason why? The gun is designed to look just like a cell phone.

How, aside from excessive drinking of course, would this ever strike anyone as a good idea, especially in a country known more for its absurd number of mass shootings than just about anything else anymore?

CEO Kirk Kjellberg said he got the idea for the gun at a restaurant, after getting his permit to carry — and quickly realizing he’d like to be more concealed. 

“I walked towards the restroom and a little child, a boy about 7, saw me and said, ‘Mommy, mommy, that guy’s gotta gun,'” he said. “The whole restaurant of course turns and stares at you and I thought, ‘There’s just gotta be something better to do than this.'”

Just spitballin’ here, but how about acting like we do in civilized nations and not bringing your gun into a restaurant?

The gun, as advertised on his website, is designed to look just like a smartphone — “so your new pistol will easily blend in with today’s environment.”

America is such a riddle sometimes. On the one hand it’s so afraid of terrorism that it wants everyone to give up all right to privacy so that nobody ever has to get killed again, while on the other it wants to make guns more accessible and easier to carry, not realizing that maybe there might just be a connection in there somewhere.

Kjellberg said the prototype will be done in June and will likely be manufactured in October. So far, he said he’s had plenty of interest — more than 4,000 requests, he claims, including from law enforcement.

If there’s any right and good left in this world, law enforcement is only interested in this thing so they know who to scoop up when everyone’s violent crime rates start going through the roof.

The gun will be sold for $395. 

Since marketing for the gun began, Kjellberg admits he’s seen a range of feedback, including concerns raised about those who might be carrying a weapon indistinguishable from a cell phone.

Or maybe a cell phone indistinguishable from a weapon, which may be a slightly better way to frame the problem since everyone carries cell phones in the open.

He said his product is for those who want to carry a gun, when they need to “and not have to engage other people about why they’re carrying that gun.”

A.K.A. criminals.

He said the fact that there are several ways in which those with permits to carry are currently able to conceal their weapons, makes his product no more of a safety concern than other guns.

Which isn’t exactly comforting, nor should it still be legal to use as a selling point.

“We don’t want anything sinister to go on with it either,” he said, “it’s just made for mainstream America, not criminal enterprise.”

Boy, wouldn’t you like to be a fly on the wall when he has that talk with the notoriously reasonable folks down at criminal enterprise?

If this isn’t a hoax as I fear it isn’t, I hope reason and good sense will prevail before it ever gets past the planning stages. Unfortunately, I fear that won’t happen either. We’re dealing with America here, and as has been made painfully clear, America never learns.

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7 comments
  1. I’m not nuts. This has been done before! Wondered what became of that? I didn’t read much, just confirmed it was what I thought.

    1. It’s hard to say exactly, but it sounds like the main differences are that this one is designed to look like a modern phone and that it’s supposed to be more powerful. In any case, terrible idea.

  2. I just had a thought, VCers. You have a category for the UK. I remember when you made that. Now, why do we not have a category that’s just called “America! Fuck yeah!” for the complete retardation that is the US? This post would fit right in there.

    1. We’re definitely going down the road where that would fit. Yeesh. I wonder how hard that would be to go back and put that tag together lol.

      1. It’d just go on the list of things that get picked at over time with everything else, hahaha.

        A tag for America isn’t a bad idea, but I’m not sure we’re quite at that point. The only reason we have a UK one is because a lot of that stupidity has a funny side to it, whereas most of what happens in the States is just depressing and sad and I can’t often be bothered to get worked up enough to write about it. The day may come though, believe me.

        1. Well hey. I vote you guys pay me a bit of casheroo and I’ll do it up for ya. Lol nah I wouldn’t actually ask you that, I would help though if you needed it.

          1. I vote you do it for free in exchange for all the complimentary chef and bartending services I’ve provided you over the last 13 years, hahahaha.

            But seriously, if you ever want to write up some guest posts about anything at all, you know where to put them. steve@vomitcomet.org in case I’m wrong about that knowing where to put them part.

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