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Last Updated on: 6th August 2017, 09:28 am

Mother not happy with son’s plunge over Niagara Falls

Mercury Wire Services

CANTON, MICH. – The parents of a 40-year-old man who went over Niagara Falls with only the clothes on his back say they’re not happy with their son’s actions.

“We would rather he hadn’t done that,” Doris Jones, 77, said Tuesday.

Kirk Jones of Canton, Mich., is the first person known to have gone over Niagara Falls without safety devices and survived.

Jones was not seriously injured and was in hospital in Niagara Falls in stable condition. The Jones family has made a number of trips to Niagara Falls.
Surviving a drop from falls had intrigued Jones for years, his mother said.
Well it’s heartening to know that Mom’s not proud of the fact that her son is a fucking idiot. I was actually waiting to see a story where his family defended him as being the adventurous type. Wait, I think I remember his friends already doing that. Honestly I’m not sure what the bigger tragedy is here, the fact that his buddy didn’t think enough of the guy to try and stop him or the fact that he lived to tell his story. It might sound harsh but just hear me out.

I was talking to a friend of mine about this yesterday and we both agreed that it’s always the dumb ones that live. You’ve got a guy like this who just decides “hey, I’m gonna hurl myself over this waterfall and see what happens” and he lives while the guy who does these sorts of things for a living takes all the safety measures required and somehow still manages to screw up and die. Or all of those drunk driving accidents you hear about where the innocent victims of somebody’s stupidity suffer painful fiery deaths while the worthless piece of shit drunks responsible for these mishaps walk away with a cut on their hand and a torn shirt. I suppose you could argue that justice is being served because these people have to live with the consequences of their actions forever, but what about the people who are no longer able to live with anything anymore? Where’s their justice? And is it fair that the family of a perfectly innocent human being should have to live with the consequences of somebody else’s stupidity? At least I’ve finally figured out why stupidity is overrunning the earth, it’s because the morons are killing off all the smart people among us, slowly but surely.

And on that uplifting note I bid you all a fond farewell.

Until next time, I’m
and I’m trying to be smart enough to get by and dumb enough to survive.

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