If You’re Reading This, My Net’s Up!

Last Updated on: 23rd October 2014, 11:02 am

There were a few things floating around in my head, and I thought maybe I should write them down before a monster starts to develop, so off we go.

I finally figured out what that singing alphabet commercial was all about. It wasn’t an attempt at improving literacy. Why would I think such a thing? It was a commercial for zellers. What a letdown.

When I went to my parents’ house for the long weekend, I realized how much I’ve gotten used to certain things in my own house. Take the water and how much quicker it heats up here. I would turn on the tap and wonder why it was taking so long. Then, it would hit me. Oh yeah, mom and dad are on a well.

Next, there was their crappy computer and dialup internet. It wouldn’t be so bad if it was just their dialup internet. But the stupid thing would go up, and down, and up, and down. So while it was going down again, I would just assume it was the slow internet, and that I just had to wait a bit. Then I’d find out it was down, and disconnect the dialup, and reconnect, all of this while I’m working with a demo of JAWS that only runs for 40 minutes before I’d have to reboot the whole computer…at which point I would need a set of eyes because they’re using a cracked version of xp…raaarr!

Then, there’s their silly TV. Dad ran out and got a high definition TV. What he didn’t go get was some kind of service that would show things in high definition. So they’re still watching the four channels they get, in standard def, on their fancy shmancy new TV. Good job, fellas. I love ya, but good job.

I don’t mean to rag on being home. I loved being home. It’s been a while since I’ve been in that house, and it was sure cool to just slip out the back door when it was time for Trixie to go pee. But there are some little things that tell you this is not your house anymore and you haven’t been home for a while.

Does anyone else besides Steve and me think that it sounds like the CTV guy is saying “closed captioning of this program is brought to you in part by…AIDS.” when he’s saying eggs? You do a double-take, and then realize that that can’t be possible. At least when you do figure out that it’s eggs, you remember it. Was that all part of the plan? But then I think that maybe the eggs are AIDS-laiden. Do I want to eat AIDS-eggs? CTV guy, what have you planted in my brain?

Speaking of thoughts planted in my brain, it always amazes me how deeply a smell or a sensation can bury itself in the deep dark recesses of consciousness, and how smelling or feeling it again can dig up old memories that I didn’t even know were there. The other night, I was taking Trixie out to pee, and noticed how crisp the air smelled, and how much it smelled like winter. For half a second, scenes of being about five years old and running through the snow, drinking hot chocolate, skating, and waiting for Santa Claus flashed through my head in the fastest and most vivid movie ever imaginable. Then, the voice of reality came back. “That smell means winter. You don’t like winter! Have you forgotten that?” and the movie reel came to a grinding halt.

I’ve noticed something weird that people do when I’m in a store with Trixie. We’ll stop in an aisle while someone’s helping us get something, and people will want to get by. But they will do one of two things. They’ll not say a word and hope to hell we move soon, and when someone else tells us we should move, thank them for letting them through. Hey! Here’s a novel idea for ya! Say Excuse me, or ask me to move over. That would make things infinitely faster for both of us, and make me feel less like some kind of vegetable. Or, they’ll make kissy noises at the dog, and then grumble when she doesn’t move. I have two problems with this one. First, don’t! call! my! dog! If you want *my* dog to move, then talk to *me*. She moves when I tell her too, not when some random person says stuff to her. Second, I don’t even get the logic of the kissy noises and gestures. Most dogs, when you make kissy noises and gestures at them, come to you. So she’d be walking straight into your path. I’m so confused.

Trixie did something else really goofy yesterday that I thought just had to go up here because it’s funny. I was in the grocery store, and my friend didn’t know where the chicken would be. So as ajoke, she said maybe Trixie would know. Sure enough, she stopped right at the chicken! What the?

Jen sent me a link to a wacky file, and just because it freaked me out, I thought I’d link to it, for as long as it lasts. So, put your headphones on and go get your virtual haircut today!

I think that’s about it. Who knows when this will make it up, we’re having weird internet problems. I can receive email, but I can’t send any, or go on msn, or browse the web…or maybe I can…no I can’t…yes I….nope, scrach that.

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