People For The Swift Return Of Bryan Danielson

Last Updated on: 20th September 2019, 05:29 pm

I don’t often get a chance to write about PETA and wrestling at the same time, so there’s no way I’m passing this up.

I wrote quite a bit in mypostthis morning about the completely ridiculous firing of Bryan Danielson. Well, it appears that among his many supporters we can now count PETA, who have written aletter(PDF) to Vince McMahon asking WWE to hire him back not only because the people love him, but more importantly at least to them, because he’s a vegan.

I’ve pasted the text below for those who can’t access PDF files. Note the “hey look at us, we sure do know our wrestling” tone of this thing, which comes off extra lame when mixed in with the typical graphic references to the death of our food.

June 21, 2010
Vince McMahon
Chairman and CEO
World Wrestling Entertainment
Dear Mr. McMahon,
On behalf of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) and the WWE fans among our more than 2 million members and supporters, I’m writing to toss our name into the ring as yet another proponent of the push to bring back Daniel Bryan (Bryan Danielson). I might not personally carry the same clout as other Bryan supporters like John Cena or Shawn Michaels (although I do consider myself “The Showstopper of PETA”), but I am, along with many of my colleagues, a huge Daniel Bryan fan, not only because he humiliated the Miz and Michael Cole a few weeks back on Raw but also because he’s vegan.

Lots of athletes, including baseball slugger Prince Fielder, the NBA’s Raja Bell, MMA fighters K.J. Noons and Mac Danzig, and Olympic Legend Carl Lewis, show that vegetarians often leave meat-eaters in the dust, gnawing on their greasy chicken wings as they wonder what hit them. But Bryan represents the quintessential vegan badass. He knows that unlike WWE superstars, animals beaten to a pulp by the meat industry don’t want to be there. The worst Hell in a Cell match is nothing compared to what animals in slaughterhouses go through, such as having their throats cut and being scalded alive and dismembered, often while still conscious. Even Mick Foley couldn’t withstand that kind of abuse. Just by being vegan, Bryan saves more than 100 animals a year, a feat far more impressive than any of Jack Swagger’s “accomplishments.” Savvy athletes go vegan for the health benefits, too, as they slash their risk of heart disease, cancer, and diabetes.

So what do you say, Mr. McMahon? Bring back Bryan and let him prove that he belongs. And maybe there could even be a storyline romance between Bryan and the gorgeous vegan diva Tiffany! (Who, in your PETA fans’ opinion, deserves another shot at Layla.)

Dan Shannon

This, it should be noted for history’s sake, may be the closest I ever come to agreeing with PETA on anything, even though I have no doubt that what you’ve just read is a big arse load of disingenuous crap. There’s no way any of these people give fuck number 1 about Bryan Danielson or WWE. As usual, PETA is jumping on something a lot of people seem to care about to further its own agenda. It’s not nearly as offensive as some of the other things they’ve attached themselves too, but it’s the same idea and I still hate them for it.

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