Flaming Imbecile

I was a teenager once and I still love a good prank, but that doesn’t always mean I understand some of you idiots. For instance, when the driver is driving the car you are in, leave him alone. Talk to him, make him laugh, but under no circumstances should you touch him. Alright, if he’s having a heart attack and you need to get his hands off the wheel to avoid an accident and save everyone, then by all means touch him all day long and twice on Sunday. But lighting the dude’s armpit hair on fire for hahas? Save that shit for the kegger if you still want your ass kicked once he puts himself out. Jokes involving fire and human beings are never funny. End of discussion.

When police first responded to the mangled wreck early Sunday outside Boise, the driver, 18-year-old Tristian Myers, told cops he lost control of his Ford Bronco when he swerved to avoid an animal in the road.
But once Ada County Sheriff’s Office deputies spoke with all five teens a different story emerged. A 16-year-old boy admitted to lighting Myers’ armpit hair on fire, deputies confirmed. None of the five teens in the SUV were wearing seat belts and police said two people – girls, ages 16 and 17 – were thrown from the vehicle in the resulting 5:30 a.m. crash.

Myers was cited for inattentive driving, which unless there are some rather important details missing in every telling of this story that I’ve seen, is a pretty big dick move by the cops. The guy just got lit on fire. You suggest he pay attention to the road how, exactly? If you need to pop him for something, how about obstruction since he lied to protect his dumbfuck friend?

Speaking of his dumbfuck friend, he was given a citation for interfering with the driver’s safe operation of a vehicle, which makes absolute sense. Had I been driving, however, he’d have likely gotten the death penalty.

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