There is an update to the story of Gary Van Ryswyk, the elderly gentleman who messed up an in-home castration surgery on a fellow he met on a eunuch website, nearly causing the poor guy to bleed to death. He pleaded no contest to the charges he faced and will be spending a couple of years in prison.

Apparently this is not Van Ryswyk’s first rodeo. How many other rodeos there have been is unclear (the number has been as high as 25 and as low as just two including himself), but the one that wasn’t him also sounds like a doozer. It happened in a hotel, for a start.

The patient was a Florida man named Scott who used the online chat handle “Wanna Be Dickless.”
The 2017 procedure, Van Ryswyk recalled, occurred in a room at a La Quinta Inn six miles from his home. Asked by a detective how the hotel surgery went, Van Ryswyk replied, “Not well.” Van Ryswyk explained that he could not stop Scott’s bleeding, prompting the patient to seek treatment at a hospital emergency room (where Scott made no mention of Van Ryswyk).
A police search of Van Ryswyk’s computer equipment turned up a file labeled “Scott” that contained an “image of a person, wearing surgical gloves, holding up a testicle.” The photo was captioned “Scott’s right nut.”
“I only did one testicle on him,” Van Ryswyk told police as he recounted Scott’s castration. At the time of the procedure, Van Ryswyk said, his wife Ethel thought he was at chorus practice.

The hotel castration, Van Ryswyk claimed, was hampered by the darkened state of the room. “The lighting was really poor in the La Quinta,” he said. “You know, I mean they’re more for romance than they are for surgery.”

They also aren’t for old dudes with failing eyesight and poor coordination, two things we’ve since learned he suffers from.

He told investigators that he thought this one would go much more smoothly because his own home, which he could use because he was now divorced, had much better lighting. Decent theory, but nope. Very clearly nope.

Hopefully prisons don’t have jailhouse medics the way they have jailhouse lawyers. Jesus.

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