That’s Not Even My Dong, Man

Telling the police that you don’t own the shirt or pants or jacket you’re wearing that just so happen to be stuffed with weapons or drugs or whatever is highly suspect, but at least it’s the smallest bit plausible. It might even be true once every couple million times. Trying that with the two bags of drugs they find wrapped around your own bag, though? Not a chance.

During a search of Florence, a deputy discovered two plastic baggies “wrapped around his penis.” One baggie contained “cocaine powder and cocaine base,” while the other held a “crystal substance” police identified as methamphetamine.
Questioned about the narcotics, Florence “stated the package wrapped around his penis was not his,” reported Deputy Levi Blake. It appears Florence–who has multiple cocaine convictions–did not identify the purported owner of the drugs wrapped around his penis (or whether that individual consented to their drugs being stored in such a fashion).

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