Watch Out, ‘Cause Here They Come!

I haven’t seen it, but have you guys heard about the part in the new Chipmunks movie where a man named Edward Brown gets naked and then exposes himself to nearly a hundred people? Thirty minutes into a showing last Thursday of the movie “Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked,” the Chicago man allegedly stripped off …

Hey Officer, Wanna See My Weapon?

I said yesterday that it was time to pick things up around here again after a few bad days, and what better way to do that than with a guy in a nightclub parking lot, pants down, putting a pink thing in through his out door while masturbating and eyeing up a couple of cops? …

Math Teacher, Sex Ed Teacher, What’s The Difference?

Teacher Posts Bail After Arrest For Masturbating In Class Paul LaDuke, 75, was fired from Schaumburg Christian School on Friday, after a student reported to another teacher that LaDuke appeared to be masturbating while seated at his podium during class. LaDuke was arrested on Monday and charged Tuesday with felony sexual exploitation of a child. His …

Spare The Rod…Yeah, Definitely Spare The Rod

The First United Methodist Church in Niceville, Florida, may want to reconsider what it calls it’s “come as you are atmosphere” after a teenaged congregant was caught taking the come as you are part a bit too literally. According to cops, four witnesses spotted the 14-year-old suspect pleasuring himself inside the sanctuary of the First …

Wood Was The Star Of The Show

Speaking of easy material, here’s a PDF news release from the Guelph Police Service about an indecent exposure incident. Note the location. That’s right, Starwood drive. Title makes sense now, doesn’t it? I also like the reference to a wooded area. Sure was. Although considering the crime we’re dealing with, doesn’t anywhere this type of …

It’s Time To Get To Work! Not So Fast, Tarvin. You’re Getting To Jail

I’m not sure what to tell you all here, so I’ll stick to telling you what I hope Vincent Michael Tarvin would tell you if he were to look back on the events of September 6th in a clearer state of mind than he was likely in at the time. As stupid as it is …

There Were Balls And Some Dribbling, But There Was No Sign Of The NBA

I’ve never visited Seattle, so I can’t say for sure whether or not the city is suffering from a critical free love shortage. I can, however, hazard a guess that Nicholas L. Davis’ apparent remedy for the issue likely isn’t going to help. So, just what was his grand plan? Well, if you guessed lying …

He Should Have Said He Was Quality Control For The Condom Department

It’s been about 17 years since I’ve been inside an American Walmart, but considering some of the people I remember seeing there, I figured shoplifting a couple boxes of condoms and then heading into the women’s room for a little less than quiet private time with them and some naughty pictures on your phone like …

I’m Blowing Your Torso As You Blow My Mind

Some folks burgle for money. Some burgle for food. Justin Dale Little Jim (yes, that’s his name in all the stories I’ve seen), well, he appears to burglefor love…or something. Little Jim, currently being held in jail in lou of $5000 bond and awaiting an August trial date, arrived in this situation after trying to …

From The Mile High With Himself Club To Damn Near Rock Bottom

This Kyle Pearce thing is quickly moving from the ha ha, the dude masturbated on an airplane zone into I legitimately hope he can get the help he needs because it’s kind of sad territory. After he bonded out of jail, he was ordered to live in a halfway house and undergo some mental health …