As we mention often, the importance of a getaway vehicle to a crime cannot be understated. But what happens when your crime is shoplifting and what you’re shoplifting *is* your getaway vehicle? Flagler County deputies said it was reported that a man exited a Target on State Road 100 with a stolen electric scooter. When …
Category Archives: master criminals
Yes. Electrical Work. I’ve Turned Me On, You See
Consider this your occasional reminder that even on days when we don’t post anything new, there’s still something you can come here to read. Every day, a new story from the archives of This is True is posted on this page. It changes every 24 hours, so bookmark it and make it part of whatever …
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Definitely Going To Fool Them
“Ok now. Before we leave, I have to ask. Did you remember to properly label the drugs bag?” “You mean the definitely not drugs bag? Of course!” “That’s right! We can’t be driving around looking as dumb as those bag full of drugs guys.” “Nope. We’re way smarter than that! No way in hell we’re …
If The Justice System Doesn’t Get Him, The Afterlife Might
I’m not a believer, but I often find these sorts of coincidences funny. It’s as though if there is a god, he’s making sure people know to keep their hands off his shit. Theft is only for evangelists, dammit! A drunken thief was injured after falling on the sword of a statue of St. Michael …
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Thanks For Your Help, Said Both Sides Of The Equation
Our boy made a couple of mistakes here. If you’re going to shoplift at Walmart, maybe leave the 37 pounds of marijuana at home instead of in the trunk of your car. If for some reason you haven’t done that, definitely don’t give your key fob to the police when they offer to help you …
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Perhaps We Need A Registry For That, Too
I’m having a little trouble figuring out exactly how stupid this gentleman is. Like clearly he’s stupid, but is he stupid or is he stuuuuuuupid? Police say a Hamilton man went to Kitchener around 11 a.m. on Thursday to “meet with a female youth for a sexual purpose.” When he arrived at the meeting spot …
Faster Than A Speeding Gullet
I imagine emptying out a gun shop is the sort of thing that would make a fella pretty hungry, but next time, maybe try holding those cravings until you and your rented car are a little further from the scene of the crime. A gang who stole firearms from a gun shop were caught when …
Well Shoot
I like it when the master criminal stories are nice and simple. The victim was located on scene suffering from a gunshot wound and transported to the hospital where he later died. The suspect, identified as 43-year-old Gilbert Vermillion, was apprehended after falling out of his moving vehicle in an attempt to flee the scene, …
The Sporting Goods Store Did Not Account For All Of The Dicks In The Area
Calling in a fake bomb threat and active shooter to a store across the street from where your boyfriend is about to get arrested for shoplifting maybe isn’t the smartest thing you could do, but I’ll go ahead and put it in the category of ideas so crazy they just might work. Distraction can be …
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I Want To Get Convicted Again
Point: Someone with 11 felonies on his record should know how to commit a proper robbery by now. Counterpoint: You don’t end up with 11 felonies on your record by being good at crime. You would not, for instance, threaten a clerk who just caught you trying to shoplift, go outside, put on a hood …