I Just Fell Off My Bicycle, I Just Fell Off My Bike. I Just Fell Off My Bicycle, This Is Not Going How I’d Like

Timothy Broad sounds like a bit of a garbage human being, having been convicted of his part in robbing a female convenience store clerk at knifepoint. But that said, he’s still good for a moment’s entertainment because his getaway sounds hilarious. If only there was a video. Serial offender Timothy Broad, 30, chose a pedal …

Tell The Jackwagons We’re Ready For The Paddy Wagon

And now, another case of nobody’s looking for you, dude. Authorities in Idaho have released a 911 phone call that resulted in a drug trafficking arrest. The call, released by the Rexburg Police Department, details an incident nearly a year ago on Jan. 23, 2015, when two out-of-state drug traffickers got high and called police …

Sir, Which Of The Things We Found In Your Car Did You Say You Were Named After Again?

There are a number of reasons why I might want to post this story. Our hero speeding past a couple of cops sitting in front of a police station so he could get to court on time is one. Double parking in spaces he’s not supposed to park in in the first place once he …

Did He Think The Cop Would Think He Was The Pharmacist?

When you absolutely have to get to Walmart at 3:30 in the morning and the clothes you’re wearing and bags you’re carrying contain any or all of the following: two suboxone strips 0.5 grams of methamphetamine 6.4 grams of marijuana 0.7 grams of unidentified crystals 5 baggies containing 5.2 grams of black tar heroin a …

Give Me All Your Money Or I’ll Meet You At The Mall Tomorrow And You Can Give It To Me Then

I don’t know if Jason Donte Hayes will wind up being the stupidest criminal of 2016 as this article suggests, but it’ll definitely be safe to shortlist him. According to reports, Hayes disguised himself and entered the home of an elderly couple he used to rent a house from. He woke the woman up with …

I’m Hoping For A Warning, But I’m Probably Going To Blow It

One of the hardest questions a person can ask himself is do I have a drug problem? I don’t want to claim I have all the answers, but for future reference, if you get pulled over by the police and can’t even wait until the end of what was about to be a routine traffic …

Did They Find The Car He Used To Get There, I Wonder

Maybe it was raining. Maybe he’d missed his bus, had someplace else to be and realized he wasn’t going to make it. Maybe his leg was bothering him and he didn’t want to walk all the way home on it. Or maybe Courtney Cordell Wheat is simply one of the stupider of the stupid imbeciles …

Is Your Brother Home? No, But Since I Don’t Want You To Have Wasted Your Time…

For the sake of Rezwan Hussain, we’ll go over this one more time. If the police come to your house looking for someone who isn’t you, they aren’t looking for you. Stay cool, don’t panic, and whatever you do, don’t throw packages of drugs out the window, especially if their landing spot is right next …