It’s bad enough that you forget to put your mask on before you start robbing the dollar store, but it’s even worse when the dollar store you’re robbing is the one your girlfriend works at and people know you there. Also unhelpful? Said girlfriend making comments around other employees about you being in a gang …
Category Archives: master criminals
Smooth
This is one of the funnier police news releases I’ve seen in a while, and a fine example of why the master criminals tag exists. Purple fentanyl seized after vehicle rolls into police cruiser On Jan. 5, 2020 at 9:59 a.m., a member of the Guelph Police Service observed a vehicle driving in a suspicious …
Yes, I get Hung Up ON Little Things Sometimes. Kiss My Glute Region
I did get a chuckle out of these dunderheads driving their stolen car full of drugs straight into a RIDE program checkpoint, but I’m more hung up on the fact that somebody involved with either the creation of this news brief or the police press release it’s almost certainly sourced from decided to use the …
Continue reading “Yes, I get Hung Up ON Little Things Sometimes. Kiss My Glute Region”
This Bud’s For You. This Warrant? Not So Much
Good on Billy Bob Hall for doing the right thing and turning himself in to police so that he could take care of his warrants. But perhaps before he started in on the liquid courage, he should have made sure those warrants existed. They didn’t. Billy Bob Hall, 59, thought he was the subject of …
Continue reading “This Bud’s For You. This Warrant? Not So Much”
News Flash Morons: I’m In Jail
It’s been a while since I’ve seen one of these. And news flash morons: it’s still just as bad an idea as it was the last time I did. Also, the saying long arm of the law exists for a reason. Jessie Dean Kowalchuk has been transported back to Kamloops from Edmonton to face a judge …
You Just Can’t Trust Anybody Nowadays
William Kelley left the keys to his truck on the seat of that very same truck. Naturally, somebody came along and took it. Also naturally, Kelley called the local police to report the theft. But of course, since you’re here, it turns out that Kelley forgot to consider one little thing before he did so. …
I’d Like To Report A Robbery. Someone Has Stolen My Good Sense
I’m trying to figure out exactly what Rachel Thornburg thought was going to happen here. Was the idea that police would give up on chasing her after a certain point, she would abandon the car someplace and then pick it up later once the heat had hopefully died down? I suppose that’s not the stupidest …
Continue reading “I’d Like To Report A Robbery. Someone Has Stolen My Good Sense”
I Got Him!
Bad: Being killed in a drive-by shooting. Worse: Being killed in a drive-by shooting that you’re helping to carry out. Worse than that: Being killed in a drive-by shooting that you’re helping to carry out by a guy in your own car. Gibson was driving about 5:40 a.m. in the first block of West 71st …
At Least She Knows Her Cameras Work
I understand that this stems from a neighbourhood dispute that Annie Durham appears to be on the right side of. I also understand that long simmering frustration can absolutely cloud one’s thinking. But unfortunately for her, those fluffy little anger clouds became a thunderstorm of imbecility and she didn’t have an umbrella handy. How else …
That’s The Last Time I Give Someone An Eskimo Kiss
It’s never not funny when you’re watching Cops and you see some guy explaining to the officer that he doesn’t know what might be found in the pants he’s wearing because they’re not his, he’s just borrowing them from a buddy. I feel like perhaps Fabricio Tueros Jimenez may have seen one of those episodes …
Continue reading “That’s The Last Time I Give Someone An Eskimo Kiss”