My first thought when I saw the headline Passenger Arrested For Masturbating “Up To Three Hours” During Megabus Trip was damn, that’s got to be some kind of record. Turns out The Smoking Gun thinks so too, and if they think it’s a record, it’s probably a record. They’re pretty good at this stuff. So …
Category Archives: names
For The Second Time Today, Don’t Dink And Drive
Thankfully nobody died this time. A Georgia motorist was masturbating when he plowed his vehicle into a van that had stopped at an intersection, police report. According to cops, Donald Marvin Johnson, 63, was “physically distracted” while driving his Saturn Ion Monday morning in Martinez, an Augusta suburb. Johnson was “following too closely” when he …
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Gin And Spruce
I’ve been sitting here for far too long trying to think up more tree jokes and nothing’s getting done, so let’s just start reading the story of Maryann Christy and her traveling companion and go from there. Christy was nabbed in late-January after a Roselle Police Department officer spotted her driving with the tree as …
What Did You Say Your Name Was? Hardon?
Sometimes this stuff is way too easy. According to a SLED affidavit dated Feb. 18, Officer Marshall Lee Hardin, II was in his parked patrol car at Woodward Park on Ballpark Road back on Dec. 13, 2015. Hardin, the affidavit continues, was watching pornography on his personal phone when he performed a sex act on himself …
Who Wants A Crushed One
So it seems that a few weeks before Bud Weisser jumped a fence at the Budweiser brewery, a guy named Miller was busy driving off in a Coors truck, then running himself over with it while trying to get away from the police officers who were chasing him. Around 5:45 a.m. on Monday, Columbus Police …
This Bud’s Not For You, Bud
As 2015 began to draw to a close and many of us were preparing to spend the holidays with our families, Bud A. Weisser was busy trying to break into a brewery. Really. And while that might have been chuckle worthy enough by itself, as fate would have it, Bud A. Weisser was kind enough …
Pot Head
I’m posting this story for two reasons. 1. To state the obvious. If you need rolling papers, there are much and I do mean much better people to ask for help than the ones down at 911. 2. Because this fella’s name is Kyle Dustin Head, and the police that the nice 911 people sent …
Don’t Pull The…
Now and then one of you will get in touch to pass along the story of somebody getting shot by his own dog thinking, quite reasonably, that I must have missed it and that’s why something so wacky isn’t up here yet. But the truth is that believe it or not, careless hunters, drunks, idiots …
I Hope He Puts People Out During These Surgeries To Stop The Snickering
If you live in Texas and are in need of a vasectomy or any other Urological services, Dr. Richard Chopp is your man. He either realizes how funny people are going to think this is or somebody’s having a hearty laugh at his expense, because they actually call him Dick in his bio. Dr. Richard …
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Pull, Pull, Pass
A perfectly last named man was arrested a couple months back for the attempted pilfering of pot from a plant product purveyor. John D. Roach was arrested by Cowlitz County Sheriff Office deputies after he attempted to take a jar of marijuana from Maranda’s marijuana dispensary on Westside Highway. During the attempted robbery an employee, 49-year-old Brenda Young, was …