Great. Now We Have To Hire Another Hit Man To Kill The Con Man Who Was Supposed To Kill That Other Con Man…

A strong urge to kill the no good SOB who conned you and your daughter out of €60,000 is certainly understandable. But that said, it’s not generally a good idea to actually go ahead and contract someone to do it so that you can get the money back by harvesting and selling his organs. I’m …

Jail Full Of Dopes

I’m ready to give a million bonus points to the first people who manage to score an interview with these two guys for their true crime podcast, because I must know what possessed them. Do they label everything? Were we to search their homes, would we find bags full of clothes? Do they take bags …

Help A Brother Out

I’m going to hope that Shawn Yoakum and his brother aren’t very close, because this seems like it should have been extremely preventable otherwise. Shawn Yoakum tried to rob the Village Pantry at 900 N. 14th St. about 6 a.m. Tuesday, according to police. He failed, according to police reports. Yoakum pulled a knife and …

Moron Explains Moronic Act Moronically

Numbnuts from the plane A.K.A. James Potok has enlightened us as to why he thought it a good idea to announce to everyone that he had a virus and cause his flight to turn around and go home. And true to what appears to be form, he did it for the same reason that anyone …

Maybe We Should Send Him To China

I’m having one of those there oughta be a law moments after reading about this idiot. Seriously, everyone involved in this trip, from passengers to flight crew to ground workers all the way down to the people who laid the foundation for the factory where the plane was built should get to punch him. He …

Petty Criminal

It’s bad enough that you forget to put your mask on before you start robbing the dollar store, but it’s even worse when the dollar store you’re robbing is the one your girlfriend works at and people know you there. Also unhelpful? Said girlfriend making comments around other employees about you being in a gang …

Yes, I get Hung Up ON Little Things Sometimes. Kiss My Glute Region

I did get a chuckle out of these dunderheads driving their stolen car full of drugs straight into a RIDE program checkpoint, but I’m more hung up on the fact that somebody involved with either the creation of this news brief or the police press release it’s almost certainly sourced from decided to use the …

Stick Around For Our Master Chef Panel, Featuring People Who Can’t Not Ruin Kraft Dinner

There are times when a thing happens, there is a backlash to that thing and I’m left struggling to figure out how and why anyone could possibly get so worked up about the thing. There are also times when no struggling is necessary. Times like when a security conference puts on a panel discussion about …

Today In Just Plead Guilty, Dude

David Antonison was recently found guilty of attempted murder and a few other charges for unloading some bullets from a .44 into the home of neighbours Bruce and Joyce Coghill during a dispute over the location of some dog crap. Why we needed a trial though I’m not really sure, because this, apparently, was the …

On The Bright Side, You’ll Be Able To Watch Your Career Go Down The Toilet

New Jersey man found camera taped to urinal at his company’s office, suit says The employee who found the camera claims that after he reported the incident anonymously, the company retaliated against him. A few quick observations here. Gross. If the discovery of the camera happened the way Jason Savage says it did, David Swerdloff …