Today’s handy criminal tip: If you’re going to give a police officer a false name, maybe make sure you’re not still wearing the employee ID that has your real one on it. Police say 24-year-old Keyonna M. Waters was reportedly parked in a fire lane at the Liberty Plaza Shopping Center when an officer on …
Category Archives: that was dumb
It’s Me, Grandma. The Ghost Of Dumbshit Present
There are a lot of better ones, but on the surface at least, sending a fake obituary to the newspaper to throw the police off your trail maybe isn’t the absolute dirt worst idea in the world. but if you’re going to do that, you’re going to need to leave a contact number because the …
Continue reading “It’s Me, Grandma. The Ghost Of Dumbshit Present”
If Only Our Heads Were As Loaded As Our Guns
I know some people don’t like it, but there’s a reason why the term gun nut exists. But since I’m a fair man, I’ll make you a deal. If you can come up with a better word than nut for someone who chooses to show his support for the second amendment by waltzing into a …
Continue reading “If Only Our Heads Were As Loaded As Our Guns”
Follow Your Arrow To Jail
I figure I might as well ruin two songs with this case. Remember the story about the guy getting shot with an arrow? Well, a few days ago, Eric Amaral pleaded guilty, and is going away for a long time. When they charged him with the murder, there was a small part of me that …
When We Catch Him, We’ll Grill Him. Hopefully He’ll Tell Us The Tooth
Police in Minnesota are looking for a group of six or seven people in possession of several hundred dollars that doesn’t belong to them and possibly one brain between them that might, if we’re being extremely generous. When police arrived, the Eastside Grillz employee told police he had a valuable piece of evidence — he …
Continue reading “When We Catch Him, We’ll Grill Him. Hopefully He’ll Tell Us The Tooth”
Chop, Steele And Hoax
Remember Chef Keith, the guy who managed to trick five TV news shows into having him on? Well, he’s at it again, this time as half of strongman duo Chop and Steele. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=avU5URR88KU Local morning news shows have a lot of air to fill each day. So when a pair claiming to be an inspirational …
Their Criminal Exploits Were A Smash Hit
This isn’t the worst getaway ever attempted, but it ought to be in the conversation for at least an honourable mention. Oh, and it probably deserves one more thing, too. According to the Kannapolis Police Department, officers responded to a report of shots fired into the Rent-A-Center on Cannon Boulevard around 2 a.m. Wednesday. When …
And If That Doesn’t Work, I’ll Find A Payphone, Make A Call And Buy Every Printing Press In Town!
Joseph Talbot has spent the entirety of his 43 years on this planet blissfully unaware of what an internet is or how it might work. I don’t know this for sure, but when it comes to explaining why, here in 2017, Talbot would spend well over $1200 of his own money buying copies of a …
Is This Stolen Truck Stolen, Officer?
On some level, I’m pretty sure I understand what Adriana Salas was thinking. If I were driving around in a stolen truck, it sure would be nice to know whether or not the cops knew that I was driving around in a stolen truck. But there’s wanting to know and being dedicated to finding out, …
Oh The Weather Outside Was Frightful, And To Thieves The Fates Were Spiteful
On the same morning within about 2 and a half hours of each other, two separate theft attempts in Abbotsford, B.C., were foiled by the weather. The snow, to be specific. The second and I think slightly less humourous of the two happened around 7:15 A.M. on the morning of February 7th (happy birthday, Carin!) …
Continue reading “Oh The Weather Outside Was Frightful, And To Thieves The Fates Were Spiteful”