Do These Pants Make Me Look Drunk?

I’m glad the Vermont state police have a shred of a reasonable explanation for why Allen R. Johnson Sr. may have thought it a good idea to get up and slip on a fresh pair of pants whilst driving his big rig down the highway one morning not long ago, because it means that at …

Ok, Class. How Do You Say I Can’t Speak Spanish In Spanish? You Don’t Know? Don’t Worry, Neither Do I

You may not know it if you judge by most of the things you see here, but I like to think that over all, most human beings are pretty reasonable. Reasonable enough not to…let’s say apply for a job they’re not even remotely qualified to do because it requires a very important skill they don’t …

How Would You Feel About Paying Me In Advance, Boss

We’ve already determined that stabbing your prospective boss is a poor way to land that dream job, and while we don’t know 100 percent for sure what happened here, I feel pretty confident that stealing his wallet when he leaves the room for a minute is going to work about as well. Takeda is suspected …

Maybe This Could Have Been Avoided Had They Asked If He Took Payment In Televisions

I’m fairly certain I’ve said this before, but it seems it needs repeating. If you’re going to take a taxi to a robbery, first of all don’t, but just as importantly, don’t stiff the driver. It won’t end well. Kenneth Burke, 46, and Timothy Foote, 38, of Ocean Township, called for a taxi to a …

Facebook Live, Brains Not So Much

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L_RD-ziEY5I What you’re watching here is a fucking retard (his words, not mine) named John Pinney finding a new and inventive technological way to spend some time in jail. To be more specific, it’s an edited down version of Pinney using a police officer’s iPad to stream himself on Facebook Live being chased as he …

I’m Donald Trump…Or Am I

I’m giving this one a soundtrack because we need to get it in before it’s too late to be topical. Tempting as it may be, there are more productive ways of voicing your displeasure with Donald Trump and his supporters than showing up at one of his rallies and vandalizing the cars there with peanut …

Baby You Can Drive Into My Car

I could sit here and list each individual thing that went wrong here, but to save us all some time, let’s just say that all of them did and leave it at that. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ux7Qg6x-wKA An officer was checking a reported disturbance on Wednesday when he heard brakes squeal and an SUV slam into the patrol …

If Ya Can’t Beat ‘Em, Think Things Halfway Through And Join ‘Em

An Iowa woman was arrested Thursday after it was discovered that she may have gone to two separate polling stations and cast a vote for Donald Trump at each one. Why? Because the polls are rigged, silly. A Des Moines woman has been charged with Election Misconduct, a Class D felony, after allegedly voting twice …

Snitches Get Stitches, But Attention Gets Detention

“Due to snitches, everyone entering my home is subject to being searched. All cell phones and drinks will be left outside. If you’re not a snitch, it won’t offend you if I search you.” You will be shocked, shocked I say to learn that upon seeing a sign bearing those words on the door of …

Smile, You’re On What Should Be A Pretty Obvious Candid Camera

Here’s one for the it’s only a matter of time files. Police are looking for a man who got away with $75 in cash from and did about the same amount of damage to an amusement park photo booth. He shouldn’t be too hard to find, since photo booths have cameras in them. Who knew? …