Vomit Comet

>Remember how I said I thought it was sad that kids were being read stories over the phone? Well, here’s the next logical step in that progression of events. Some creep hacked into the tell me a story line at a California public library and replaced a kids’ story with a passage of profanity-laced porn.

For parents who don’t have time to read to their kids, I hope this is a wake-up call. I hope they realize this is what they get by trusting others to do it for them. Na, probably not. They’ll just get outraged at the depravity of the hacker.

Hasn’t everyone had a kid in Kindergarten class who was a little brat? If you were a teacher of that class, would you ever think it was a good idea to stand the little brat in front of the class, have the class tell him what they didn’t like about him, and then have the class vote on whether he should go? No? Didn’t think so. But Wendy Portillo thought it would be a fine idea. How completely insensitive. The kid’s 5. What possible good could come from something like that. She’s an especially big jerk since she knew the little guy was in the process of being assessed to see if he had some form of Autism. Of course the guy’s going to have problems if that’s the case, and that kind of humiliation isn’t going to help.

My only thought is that she’s watched too much Survivor and was itching to reenact it in the classroom, voting the unpopular kid off the island. How very mature. I’m glad the teacher’s getting investigated. I hope it ends with her being wished good luck in all her future endeavours.

Japanese men must be very, very lonely. First we had Takahiro Fujinuma who called directory assistance repeatedly and went into ecstasy when the operator yelled at him, and now we have this unnamed Japanese plumber who doesn’t even require an interaction to get his motor runnin’. All he needs to do is call a food company’s toll-free delivery line and listen to the automated voice. He did this a lot, which cost them $38000 or so in phone bills. Dudes, get a hobby or something. AT least order some porn.

I think the funniest part of this story was the detective actually said that the automated voice sounded normal enough to him, as if he would be calling it if it sounded hot. Oh my my my.

I simultaneously think this is hilarious, awesome, and doomed to fail. Yup, I’m a big fat pessimist.

There’s a new way that human rights activists are trying to help folks in Burma. The campaign is called Panties for peace! Nope, you’re not hallucinating, I wrote that down.

This is the plan. Canadian women wanting to help should send panties that they have worn to the Burmese embassy, who wil then, I guess send them to Burma. There, when members of the junta see them, they will shrivel up in fear like the witch in the wizard of Oz. “I’m shrinking! Melting!” Why is that? They fear women’s panties, and see them as strength-sapping. That in itself shouldn’t make me convulse with laughter, but oh it does. Every time I think about it, I just start laughing again. I have to realize that every culture is different, and they’d probably look at us and laugh their asses off at some of our fears. But I can’t stop laughing. I can’t.

Now, onto the awesome part. I think it’s great that people have come up with a non-violent way to fight back. If it works, I will stop laughing and start dancing with joy.

But here’s the doomed to fail part. If Burmese generals aren’t letting food get to people, what’s going to get panties very far? If burmese military folk are so deathly terrified of these things, wouldn’t they destroy them on sight? I’m worried this will do even more damage. Maybe they’ll assume everything coming from here to there, including food and clothes, is women’s panties and destroy it without looking. I know people have to try anything at this point, and I can’t fault activists for trying something new. I guess they have nothing to lose.

So, women, if you’ve got some spare used panties you just don’t know what to do with, you now have a plan.