American Airlines: Something Special In The Hair

Yuck! Imagine getting settled in your seat on a plane, going to sleep and waking up to find that the man sitting next to you is masturbating and has jacked in your hair! Ug! Fucking disgusting! I don’t know if I’d sue American Airlines, the airline with which she was flying, unless I knew for sure that they saw it happening and didn’t do anything, but I hope the jackoff, har har, gets a large punishment.

The Babs Journal: Day 3 (May 11, 2005)

Well, after she actually slept in my room, not on her dog bed I might add, but on the floor, she gave me a morning greeting of a sniff and a lick. We got up, I had a shower, we busied, don’t know if she actually busied, I fed her, she busied again, well I don’t know…then I got dressed etc.

And there lies the problem of free busy. How in the blue bloody hell are you supposed to know what your dog is doing if they’re out frolicking and peeing and pooping, and you’re not even out with them. You should feel their prancy dance on the end of the leash, even if you don’t touch their back or pick it up yourself at first! Dumb dumb dumb!

And then we came down for breakfast, and she was pretty damn good at breakfast I must say. Then we came back and I took her for a busy again. Then we had a big meeting in the lounge and we talked about obedience exercises. Grooming and obedience, those are two things we gotta do every day. don’t know if I can remember it all. Now we’re going out for another handle walk..and then lunch and then in the afternoon, we go out to the city on our first woofer puppy walk.

Holy crap. These days I have this constant headache. It must be a sign of brain strain.

Did I say yesterday that my hands have leash burn? Well my left hand sure does.

Well she’s having a real good snooze, groaning and moaning and sighing and sstuff. she’s quite the vocal puppy. growl groan moan. I wonder if she wants to go for a busy. Probably a good idea.

We went for a busy, a handle walk and I had to leave her here. She was so happy to see me. Oh it’s beautiful to have a reunion with my puppy.

In the handle walk I learned about what to do if she doesn’t go where I want her to go. We also had van practice. That’s interesting for sure. But she’s coming. Good little woof woof. Then I ttook her for another busy, and before that I got her some water because she was lapping at the empty bowl. Poor thirsty pooch. and now I’m just sorta sitting here with her as she snoozes and we wait for lunch. She’s such a good dog. Babs and I are gonna be best buds.

I tried. I really did. But the problem was I was trying too hard to be her best bud and not her boss. I really did love that dog, although she put me through the wringer.

Oh yeah, the first day back we’re going to have to go to the disability pension place to get the service dog allowance, and I have to remember to get her registered with the city of Guelph. Tags for my woof. I still have to get my train ticket fixed because I’m being driven back by mom and dad. Man the first grocery shop with her will be interesting. Oh she’s sitting here, so relaxed. So calm. So awesome. 20 minutes to lunch. I could eat a horse. I’m a hungry hungry hippo. I’m gonna miss all this babying. Have to remember to ask Tim about the grocery store, grad ceremony, that lump on her chest,

Stop the bus! Right there! That lump on her chest was the beginning of the end for us. If only I’d known.

it looks like she’s missing a boob, but what the hell do I know about lab boob structure? Candy, the pet dog I had as a kid always had like 6 boobs, 6 or 8 if ya count those other two lumpy bumpies on her chest. It looks like Babs only has 5. Weirdness.

It’s so cute to watch her get so excited when I grab her leash, it makes me think of that song misty takes me walking. God I sang that in like grade 3 in the festival.

How funny that I picked that song. That song is about a dog dragging you along when you take it for a walk. Foreshadowing, anyone?

Puppy was woofing in her sleep. Woofing and growling at some unseen enemy. That is the most adorable thing I’ve ever seen.
I get to go in like 5 minutes to lunch. mmmm…lunch. I’m a hungry mamma. I’m gonna go in a second. I’m just gonna let Sharon walk with Charity so we don’t collide. That’s her dog’s name. She got Charity, Tim got Willow, and Margery got Amy. Glad I didn’t get the name Charity. I wouldn’t mind Amy or Willow, but charity. eeewww. I said to her, as a joke, when she said she’d have to register her dog, it would be a registered charity, ha ha ha har har har.

I keep thinking I must be missing something. But I don’t think I am. Maybe I’ll start making my journey. journey to the feeding trough.

The afternoon was beautiful. I read part of my book while petting Babs. She lay there and moaned and groaned and slept like a log. I don’t think she got much sleep last night with my clock chiming on the hour. Silly clock. But anyway, after that we went on our first harness walk! Oh! that was the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen in my life. She was as good as gold! We walked past these guys on a bike and she didn’t even so much as flinch. She is oh so beautiful. Then I made her sit right plop right in front of a property with a barking dog on it, and she did! It took everything not to just bend down and hug her! We walked for a good half hour. It was the most amazing feeling. Sure instructor Tim still had one leash on her, but he didn’t have to do much. She’s awesome. Awesome I tell you.

She had the potential to be awesome, but only when instructor Tim was there. He had the leash on her for so long during training that I never felt truly like we were an independent team. More to come on that later.

I brought her back and we took her for a busy and then fed her and another busy and then we ate and had a little meeting about the classes to come. Lots and lots of walking. Fun fun.

Past self, um, duh! What else did you think you’d be doing at *guide dog* school?

Then I came here to write and she’s been good as gold. I gave her a good rubdown. That was fun. She just loves it and I wanted to give her the best one possible after she’d been such a doll. Well I should probably take her back for a rest. Later dudes.

Maybe She Didn’t Want Her Boyfriend To Squeeze The Charmin

Well, we have an update about that woman who was found stuck to her john. I guess she wasn’t sitting on the throne for the whole two years, but she was in the bathroom that long. She had been sitting on the toilet for a month. Now, the burning question of how her boyfriend managed to take leaks and such while she was hogging the facilities for two years has been answered. They had a second bathroom. But most shocking of all is that I missed one very funny detail in the first story. A sheriff who found her stuck to the toilet had the last name of Whipple. He’s Mr. Whipple, like the Mr. Whipple in the “don’t squeeze the Charmin” commercials! How funny is that?

Any way you look at it, both stories make the point clear that these two people are very, very screwed up folk.

Excuse Me. Can You Point Me In The Direction Of The Reaper?

This story about an assisted suicide facility in Switzerland moving in next to a brothel is a little quirky, but this statement jumped out at me.

The only problem ever is that Dignitas (the assisted suicide centre) doesn’t advertise its presence – and a lot of people get lost and have to ask for directions.

I know that in Switzerland, assisted suicide is legal. But if I were living there, and someone asked me to point them in the direction of the help me cash in my chips hut, especially if the person didn’t appear to be dying or in severe pain, I’d have a lot of trouble telling them where it was. I’d have a much easier time telling them where the brothel was! I don’t know. If I did give them directions, I’d be wondering about them for the rest of the day, and their face would haunt me for a lot longer. I would wonder why they would want to die so badly that they would pay 5 grand to get someone to help them die. I just don’t think I could give them directions to their own death, even if it appeared to be their choice. At the very least, I’d just say I didn’t know where it was and get out of there.

If This Is Any indication, We’ll Need A Sex-offenders Against Animals Registry Soon.

Here are two cases of men who are lucky they don’t live in Scotland, because if they did, they’d be on the sex-offenders registry so fast, and they’d sure deserve it more than Ye old bike-humper.

There’s Joshua Coman of Kansas who likes canine ass, and was very fortunate that his victim, a rottweiler, didn’t fight back, which makes me wonder if she enjoyed it. I mean, I’m sure she could have made a meal of him if she didn’t. She’s a frickin rottweiler!

And then there’s this oddball from New Zealand who tried to screw a goat, but willy went limp. They didn’t reveal his name for the sake of his….do my eyes deceive me? Does that say wife? It does! So let me get this straight. He is married, and he’s still trying to get it on with woolly animals. What the hell? If he were in Scotland, I wonder if his name would be McGreggor.

They are very lucky they are where they are, because officials are still contemplating whether or not they should be registered as pervs, even though both of them seemed to have gone a lot further to earn the label than screwing a bike in the privacy of a hotel room.

I Guess She Had The Fucking Guts. It’s Me Who Lacks The Brain

We’ve all seen the scene on TV where someone has tried everything to persuade a suicidal person not to do it, and out of desperation, they try to snap them out of it. But if you’re going to try that in real life, for one, be sure you have things very much under control, and mmore importantly, don’t hand the suicidal person a loaded gun! This is an especially bad idea when the person is drunk and this loaded weapon belonged to the suicidal person’s late father whose death was contributing to her desire to die.

Most importantly of all, when the weapon misfires, do not, for the love of god, reload it! You already made a pretty risky move, and the fates were on your side. Now capitalize on that and don’t give her another chance! This calling her bluff thing sure isn’t working, and you know that now, so stop it!

Aside: Why does the fact that this man’s defense attorney’s name is Leonard Cohen amuse me? I keep thinking he’s going to write a song about this tragic tale.

Let Them Bake Cake

Sure, these guys could have turned their lives around, but they’re gangster prisoners, you’re guards, and they just baked you a cake! Shouldn’t one of you have thought it was a bad idea to chow down? Guess not, since you’re all in the hospital being treated for mysterious symptoms. I’m just amazed that nobody took a second to ponder the motives of these prisoners for baking you a cake before digging in.

Ug! People And Their Explosive Tempers…

I don’t know whether to feel relieved, disgusted, or completely frustrated by this.

Leaders of the world’s Muslim nations have decided to sue countries where humourists live who choose to make fun of Islam. They say their proposed “legal tool” would be similar to the laws against claiming the holocaust didn’t happen.

Here’s the part where I’m relieved, and I get to be an asshole. At least they’re not dispatching terrorists, post haste. Oh no! Now Canada might get sued!

Here’s the disgusted part. How can they sit their and say anti-holocaust denial laws are the same as these proposed lawsuits? There’s a big difference between trying to claim something didn’t happen when there’s proof out the wazoo that it did, and screaming at people for making a joke. Newsflash, guys. You’re not the only ones being made fun of. You’re just one of the more recent subjects. And what makes you so special that we have to stifle our speech when talking about you? What makes you so fragile and in need of being handled with care? And if one person so much as tells me I don’t know what it’s like to be made fun of…oh you don’t wanna know. I think I have a right to tell some other people to grow a thick skin.

And here’s the frustrated part. I can’t believe they think a lawsuit is going to stop people from thinking what they think. I can’t believe they think their idea has a chance in hell of flying. Now that I’ve said that, it will.

If they’re so upset and want so-called bigots and blasphemers to know how it feels, why don’t they give them a taste of their own medicine? Make fun of them for a while. If it hurts the bigots’ feelings somehow, then they’ll have made their point without being tools about it. If it doesn’t, well…then I guess everybody else has made their point and it’s time for the fragile among us to get tougher.

Make Something Idiot Proof And The World Will Make A Better Idiot

Japanese scientists have invented smart glasses that they say can help you find things you’ve lost by playing back recordings made by a built-in camera of the last time you were with the object you’re looking for.

This is a pretty neat idea, but what are you supposed to do if you lose your glasses?