And Not A Moment Too Soon

Poverty-Stricken Africans Receive Desperately Needed Bibles

An exuberant Clarkson said the Bible drop was the culmination of one of the largest and most aggressive grassroots fundraising drives ever undertaken by the organization, which was able to fund the mission largely through local charitable events, such as bake-offs, barbecues, and pie-eating contests.
“We absolutely would not be here today if it were not for the amazing generosity of the people back home,” Clarkson said. “People everywhere opened up their hearts and checkbooks to us and said, ‘Dig in.'”
Niger, ranked as the second-poorest nation on Earth, is experiencing its worst famine in more than 20 years, as a brutal drought last year was followed by a plague of crop-destroying locusts. An estimated 3.5 million of Niger’s 12 million people are currently at risk of starvation.

I Guess The Classes Aren’t Working

A 27-year-old man is facing up to 120 days worth of jail time after an incident that saw him assault a 59-year-old woman and hit a 63-year-old man with his anger management homework.

Justin Boudin, 27, was on his way to an anger management class when he assaulted a 59-year-old woman at a bus stop.

He hit her in the face after she took out a phone to call the police when he started shouting at her.

When a 63-year-old man tried to stop him, Boudin hit him with a blue folder, which fell on the ground, and ran off.

Police who investigated the assault, in St Paul, Minnesota, tracked him down through the folder which officers said included his anger management homework.

Full story
here.

How Much Is That Doggie In The OH MY DEAR GOD!!!

City government in Amsterdam has announced plans to allow both gay and straight couples to have sex in public at a place called the Vondelpark, which hosts over 10 million visitors each year.

The plan has caused the outrage you would expect, but rather than coming from so-called morality crusaders like it would around here, the city council is catching heat from
dog owners who are upset that another part of the legislation will outlaw unleashed dogs in the same area.

“As long as the park has existed, we’ve been allowed to let our dogs run freely,” said one angry area resident. “It’s outrageous that we will be punished from now on but public sex won’t.”

Two things:
1. You live in Amsterdam, a place where sex and drugs are part of your average Tuesday. Public sex is a logical step, and I’m surprised legalizing it in this particular spot took this long or was even necessary to begin with.
2. Which of the following has more of a tendency to tear a person in half?
A. Two people fucking
or
B. An unleashed dog.

Yeah, that’s what I thought.

Oh, and before anybody asks, I have no idea if there is any truth to the rumour that the offending area will be renamed the Fondlepark.

You’re All Sick Puppies

People are nuts. Just nuts.

There’s a video floating around about a marine picking up a puppy and supposedly heaving it over a cliff. We don’t even know if any puppy was truly thrown because a lot is left to the imagination, or at least that’s how it seems according to Snopes’s description of the video. A marine’s last name was mentioned in the video in the context of “that was mean, insert name here.” So some luny tune decided to track down that marine’s family and posted their address on a webpage with the video. Now, that family is receiving threatening phone calls.

Yeah. Ok then. Whatever. Because threatening a guy’s family for something he may or may not have done is smart, real smart. Do they think that’s going to revive the dead puppy, if there is one? I notice no one is going after the actual marine. It’s a lot easier to go after his family. Is it because it is thought they are less able to fight back than a marine is? Maybe the people threatening are just as cowardly as, oh, say, someone who takes pleasure in throwing puppies off cliffs.

Here’s a message to all vigilantes. How about you let the marines do their job in investigating the incident? Wouldn’t you look like a bunch of fools if no puppy was actually thrown? Idiots, all of them. Nothing but idiots!

Now There’s A Hateful Kid

Something tells me that fifth-grader Tony Immediato may have some issues. I mean, we all might have strange fantasies about our school principal, but to say that you hope it snows and birds peck at him when he spends the night on the roof as a school spirit stunt to a newspaper reporter is kind of odd. The reporter never said if the kid was joking, smiling, nothing. If he wasn’t, maybe his parents should get him some help before it’s too late.

Reason Number 2…No 4…No Make It 18 Why Our Legal System Needs An Overhaul

Our legal system absolutely baffles me sometimes. I could probably go on and on for days about all the reasons why, but today I’ll just stick to one that particularly gets on my nerves.

I do not, and likely never will, understand the purpose of giving 2 for 1 credit during sentencing to people who spend time in custody while waiting for or going through a trial. This credit, as should be obvious, is only given to guilty people, which makes no sense whatsoever. If a person is guilty and you sentence him to 4 years in jail, why should he
be getting out in 18 days
just because he served a couple years already while the system did it’s work? If you want to give him credit for the 2 years he’s been sitting there, fine, be my guest. Other than because he’s a criminal, it isn’t really fair to lock somebody up for 6 years while sentencing him to 4. But that being the case, why wouldn’t you just do a little bit of simple math and give him a 2 year sentence, taking into account the 2 years you’ve already had him? Call me crazy, but it seems that would be the logical thing to do. I know I know, there I go again, using the L word. But I have to, and more people need to join me. If jail is supposed to be a deterrent, then we need to use it as one, not as a place where time passes twice as quickly as it does in the rest of the world and where people who shouldn’t be are spit out the other side long before their time.

You Have the Right To Remain Confused

The other day I was reading some story about a guy who was sneaking people into the U.S. illegally and pretending to be another guy. The story wasn’t really that interesting, but what he was charged with got me thinking. He was charged with criminal impersonation. I know what criminal impersonation means, but the literal part of my brain wonders why it’s a crime to impersonate a criminal. Would they think you were the fugitive and arrest you instead? Why the hell would anyone want to impersonate a criminal. I mean, if your impersonation was too good, they’d never believe you weren’t who you said you were.

This got me thinking about other weirdly-worded charges. For example, gross indecency. Is there ever a nice kind of indecency? I assumed indecency was gross. I know they don’t really mean gross as in disgusting, but every time I hear that term, all I can think is “eeeewwww! Gross!” That’s probably because the person involved is being charged because they showed off Mr. Willie or wacked off in front of someone or something.

Then there’s the term forcible rape. Hmm. It’s rape. What other kind of rape is there? I guess there’s statutory rape, but I think most rapes are forcible, don’t you? That seems like a bit of overkill.

Then I heard once that someone was charged with aggrovated murder. I understand aggrovated assault, if you beat someone really badly, but how can you kill someone really badly? They’re either dead or not dead. How do you decide that one person’s murder was worse than another one’s?.

And in the overkill department, what’s up with the term “aiding and abetting”? If you go to dictionary.com, you’ll find that aiding and abetting are synonyms of each other. So if someone gets charged with aiding and abetting, they’re charged with helping and helping? Why all the redundancy?

Maybe I just think too much. There’s probably a perfectly good reason for these weird terms. But for some reason, a whole bunch of them came to mind.