Of all the sites on the internet, this is one.
I’m certainly not what you’d call a religious person, but even I would have a hard time resisting the urge to wear a shirt with a cross on it that says “Gone to see Dad. …Be back soon to pick you up. –Jesus”
And while we’re at it, here’s a nice list of gifts for the deity fans in your life that will all but ensure that they won’t ask you for anything next year, or any other year for that matter.
This right here boggles my mind, so please, everybody on the bus as we travel down the road to absurdity.
Ottawa’s Elmdale Public School created controversy recently when it was learned that teachers had decided to change the lyrics to one of the songs that was to be sung during a holiday singalong assembly. the song in question was Silver Bells, and the reason for the changes was to remove any and all references to Christmas.
That by itself is ridiculous, but as you will soon see, it doesn’t come close to being the stupidest part of the story. Observe.
Lynn Scott, chairwoman of the Ottawa-Carleton District School Board, said the song was chosen by teachers as only one of many at the concert that represent a variety of seasonal traditions, including Christmas and Hanukkah.
“Just to make sure everyone was comfortable looking at their own children in their own classes, they made the judgment call to change the word in that one song,” she said.
She said it might have been more appropriate to choose a non-Christmas song instead of changing one that included a reference to the Christian holiday.
But, she added, “Teachers did something out of the best of intentions. Do we always get it right when we try to do things for good reason? No, we don’t always get it right.”
I’ll pause while you all read that passage again and take appropriate time to marvel at the logic contained therein.
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Ok, now that you’ve had a chance to recover, let’s examine this step by step in a rational fashion. Hey, somebody has to, so why not us?
The idea was to present songs that represent a variety of traditions. This is good. Any time you can educate people about the differing beliefs of those around them, I’m all for it. What I’m not all for is making sure that everybody is “comfortable looking at their own children in their own classes”, and monkeying with the very purpose of the whole thing to ensure that they are. You either talk about everybody’s celebrations or you don’t, and if that makes people uncomfortable, it’s not your problem, it’s theirs. Using her reasoning, the lyrics to each and every song performed on that show would have had to be changed so that nobody would accidentally learn anything, and if that was the point, which logically it has to be, why not just call off the whole damn concert and save yourselves the trouble? What her quote should have said was something more along the lines of minorities get kind of pissed off when we talk about Christmas, and nobody around here has the balls to tell them to cram it, or better yet to tell them to take it upon themselves to make sure that they’re better represented during the singing next time.
And what exactly is a non-Christmas Christmas song? Something is either a Christmas song or it isn’t. But just for fun, let’s humour them and see if maybe we might be able to help out a little.
Given what we know, a non-Christmas song needs to be a song traditionally sung at Christmas time that does not have the word Christmas in it, but for some reason, Christmas related symbols are ok. I feel confident in this assumption because they weren’t changing the name of the song to Silver Noise-Making Spherical Objects, they were only whitewashing the purpose out of it. So bells good, Christmas Bad.
And if Christmas is bad, Christ is likely a no no too. I mean just look at his name. Bells 2, the Lord 0.
If the religious folks can’t have Jesus, Santa’s probably a goner too. He, much like Jesus, is considered a fictional character by some, and besides, it’s been decided by whoever decides these things that him and his lard ass are setting a bad example for the children. Bells 3, everybody else 0.
Oh Christmas Tree? Not on your life, buddy boy. Those things are holiday trees now. Bells 4, nature 0.
I’m starting to worry about my contention that symbols are fine. This is not good. Whatever shall we do?
But wait, all hope may not be lost after all. Just look at the scoreboard. Something is winning, and I think there’s a song about it. Perhaps you’ve even heard of it. No Santa, no Christ, not even any Christmas. So what is this magical non-Christmas song? You’re gonna kick yourself when I tell you, and you may want to kick a few people from Elmdale Public School if you don’t already. Are you ready? No really, are you ready? Ok, here it comes. The miracle [is it ok to use that word?] song that would solve everyone’s problems is…wait for it…wait for it… Jingle Bells!
That’s right, Jingle Fucking Bells!
And with that, I’ve done with 5 seconds of thought what meetings full of people who’s job it is to shape our future could not accomplish with weeks or perhaps even months of planning. And when I stop and think about it, that realization is far worse than the original point of this entire post, something that should make anyone with children in our public school system very upset, not to mention quite a bit worried.
Lynn Scott was right about one thing though. They don’t always get it right, and that’s fine. Nobody does. the problem isn’t that you didn’t get it right, it’s that you got it so spectacularly wrong when the right answers were staring all of you directly in the face.
The part of The Onion that doesn’t make shit up has published a list of
the worst band names of the year,
but for some reason, Band.Zero isn’t on it.
The list by itself is great for a whole lot of laughs, but in order to up the awesome, it comes with site links for about 99% of them. I haven’t gone and listened to any yet but a few are calling my name, in particular Harmonica Lewinsky and The Dead Kenny Gs.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, might well be the most productive thing I do all day. Today is my birthday, and I think I’m going to give myself laziness, hamburgers and beer as a present. This time of year is always insanity for me what with the 3-sided family and hosting the annual [besides last year] New Year’s Eve party, so if there’s a moment for me to do nothing, you’d better believe I’m taking it.
Judge: “You say you’re petitioning for a legal name change?”
Leon: “Yes, your honor.”
Judge (looking at petition): “I can see why, your name is Leon… Shitferbrains, is it?”
Leon: “Yes, your honor.”
Judge: “And what do you want to change your name to, Mr. Shitferbrains?”
Leon: “Melvin, your honor.”
If it isn’t already, the world should soon find itself on high alert, because the USB missile launcher has gone wireless!
Like the wired version, the new launcher is controlled by a little targetting app running on a Windows PC. This time round, what’s plugged into said system is a dish-like wireless transmitter that can talk to a similar unit wired up to the launcher itself.
Supplier Brando claims dish-to-dish communications can take place at distances of up to 15ft, which the launcher can propel its payload of three foam missiles a further 20ft. Right down the corridor and into the Accounts department, in other words.
The next time you’re drinking at a party and think you’re hot shit because you can hold it well, consider this story.
A 64-year-old German air passenger almost popped his clogs earlier this week after quaffing a litre of vodka officials told him he couldn’t take on the aircraft.
According to Spiegel, the man was switching planes at Nuremberg airport en route from Egypt to Dresden. Security operatives informed him that, according to the terror-busting 100ml liquid limit regulations designed to stop al-Qaeda concealing binary liquid explosives in their hand luggage, he’d either have to pay extra to have his bag put into the hold or ditch the booze.
He magnificently rejected both proposals, and sank the entire bottle.
The article goes on to let us know that, wonder of wonders, the plan didn’t go so well, and that the “pickled German” is currently recovering in a Nuremberg hospital.
Dawn Herb, the woman hauled into court for
swearing at her toilet,
has
had her charges thrown out and will not have to do any time or part with any money.
District Judge Terrence Gallagher earlier this week dismissed the charge on the grounds that while Herb’s language “may be considered by some to be offensive, vulgar and imprudent”, it is “protected speech pursuant to the First Amendment”.
Barry Dyller, who represented Herb on behalf of the American Civil Liberties Union, praised the judge’s good sense and insisted that past rulings have established that “colorful language” isn’t illegal. He said: “He’s exactly right … in his reasoning. And it’s important that the public understands this.”
For once, sanity prevails!
Somebody please tell me if I’m reading the end of
this article
wrong or missing something, because I fail to see how gang members using a certain brand of baseball caps as part of the outfit becomes something that the company needs to be held responsible for.
Think of it this way. If I buy a computer and then use it to commit credit card fraud, does that make everybody at HP or Best Buy who had anything to do with it falling into my hands as much a criminal as I am? No, it doesn’t. What I do with things in my possession is my responsibility, noone else’s. The same holds true for gang members, no matter how much politicians, police and even private citizens want us to believe otherwise.
I think this will probably be the last time I’ll have a chance to write a post before Christmas. It’s snowing, snowing, and snowing some more, but mom and dad are considering driving through it to get home. Interesting. So, hope everyone has a merry Christmas, and enjoys the heap of snow that’s being dumped…pretty much all across Ontario and part of the states! Hope everyone can keep the lights on, and those who lost power get it back soon.
This is also from the old news department, but I need to blog it before Christmas chaos hits.
There is a British teacher who is lucky to escape Sudan with her life. Why? She allowed her 7-year-old students to name a teddy bear Mohammed! But she still says she had a fabulous time in Sudan. Wow, lady, you’re a far braver soul than I could ever be. I guess that’s why you’re teaching English in foreign countries and I’m not.
Gillian Gibbons was teaching English in a Sudanese private school. She decided that a good way to teach the kids some English would be to have one of the kids bring in a teddy bear, have the kids name it, and then each kid could take the bear home and record logs of what they did with the bear. They were going to put their stories in a book and let them all keep it. What a sweet little project! I wish teachers did stuff like that with us when we were little.
She decided to let the kids pick the bear’s name. By a huge majority, the kids chose Mohammed. With Mohammed being a common Muslim name, is it any surprise that was the choice?
So the kids carted Mohammed the fuzzy bear everywhere, and the book was created. They even called Mohammed an intelligent bear. But one of the parents saw it, and ran off to the police. A crime had been committed! Apparently, insulting the prophet Mohammed is a crime, and by naming a stuffed animal Mohammed, even if they called it intelligent, the prophet had been insulted.
So, *clang*, Ms. Gibbons found herself in jail. She could have faced lashes, jail time, and people were coming out in droves with clubs and knives demanding her execution! What the? Luckily, she was pardoned and allowed to go home safely.
Ok, I try to be open-minded to different cultural views, but this is just ridiculous! I can’t understand it. I can’t. I can’t switch places and try and see things from their eyes. I can’t even think of something that we get morally offended about that they would look at and wonder if we were on crack. I can’t do it. I just can’t. Words fail me. My mind is full of sputtering phrases. Let me try and convert them into thoughts that make some semblance of sense.
It was a kids’ project. The kids chose the name. She didn’t force it on them. Part of me screams that you can’t blame the kids, but surely they’ve had it pounded into their heads that you don’t insult Mohammed. Surely, they know this more than Ms. Gibbons. I know that if you go to another culture, you have to learn about their beliefs, but if I was teaching there, and all the kids chose to name the bear Mohammed, I’d have to wonder if maybe this wasn’t viewed as an insult. An insult is a highly interpretive thing. Plus, if you are trying to teach the kids about voting, you can’t really have them vote and then tell them they can’t have it that way. I would have thought, if I was having as fabulous a time in Sudan as she seemed to have had up to now, that the parents would have been reasonable and seen this as a cute little project, nothing more.
The parents have to remember that she’s not from there, and they wanted their kids to learn English from someone who is not from there, after all. So maybe it’s their fault. Maybe they should take the lashes for letting someone teach their kids who didn’t know about insulting Mohammed. They have to expect that someone from far away might do something that’s not exactly standard with their norms. I don’t understand. There seems to be a contradiction here. The private schools go to great lengths to make sure their English teachers are the whitest of white so it looks at least as if the teachers are native English speakers, but if the teachers are not adhering precisely to their beliefs, they should die, die, die? Either you get someone who knows your beliefs inside and out to teach the kids English, or you deal with a few oopses. As long as the oopses don’t hurt the kids, what in hell does it matter? Maybe, if you’re worried about whether the kids are going to be good little Muslims after this episode, you take the teacher aside and explain it to her. You don’t lock her up.
Another thing that confuses me is if it’s such an insult to name a bear Mohammed, how come you can name your kid Mohammed? Aren’t you calling your kid a god, or giving your imperfect child God’s name? Isn’t that an insult, or a sign of hubris, or something? I admit I don’t know shit about shit about all the rules of Islam, but logic leaves me confused on this one.
I also don’t understand this country’s stubbornness. Because of that Danish cartoon, Sudan won’t let Scandinavians come to Darfur, even though they offer highly technical skills. I’m all for standing up for your principles, but this is absurd.
I think I’m done sputtering. I’m just glad she got out ok. This reminds me of that Star Trek The Next Generation episode where Wesley Crusher was going to get executed for stepping on the grass. I never thought I’d see a real case as ridiculous as that. But I guess they had to get the idea from somewhere.