Total Nonstop Awful

I just saw the stupidest thing I’ve ever seen on a TNA program, and as anybody who watches that train wreck from week to week knows, that statement
covers an awful lot of ground.
This might be old news to some of you, but I’m a couple weeks behind on my Impact watching so I didn’t get to see it until right now.

I’ll try to describe this as best I can. Junior Fatu is cutting a backstage promo about his upcoming Fight For The Right tournament match against Robert Roode. It’s a good thing I know what the tournament is called, because Junior cared so much about it that he referred to it as something along the lines of the Right Fight For, Uh Fight To Right. That’s not a quote, but it’s pretty close. And if that wasn’t bad enough, he stumbles over his words a little more, stops for a second, looks to the interviewer and says “What’s that jobroni’s name?” To her credit, she recovers well for somebody who hasn’t been around wrestling that long and plugs the match again to remind him of what he’s supposed to be talking about. Unfortunately this doesn’t seem to help, as seconds later poor old Junior loses it again and says that next week he’s going to beat “Rick Rude or Robert Roode or whatever his name is” and go on to face whoever is the champion.

Let’s run down all of the reasons why this was completely retarded and never should have aired.

  • Rick Rude has been dead since 1999.

  • Not knowing the name of the tournament makes you look like an idiot.

  • Not caring what the name of the tournament is makes the company and the title look even worse than you do.

  • Not knowing or caring to get the name of your oponent right makes him look like a geek, which is bad at the best of times but made even worse because the company is actually trying to push the guy.

  • If you don’t care who you’re fighting or why you’re fighting him, why should I?

    • But most of all, this never should have made it to TV because…

  • The fucking show is taped! Yeah, I said taped! And not only is it taped, it’s taped days in advance! There is absolutely no reason why they couldn’t have shot it over again. And even if there was, there’s definitely no reason why somebody couldn’t have looked at it, decided it was not at all what they were looking for and cut it from the broadcast. Maybe it would have been different if The Rock had cut the promo or if it was done in a less bumbling fashion by a heel, but as it is, it accomplished nothing aside from making Robert Roode, Junior Fatu and TNA all come across as bush league which should not be happening when the goal is to build an audience and draw money. Whoever green lit this abortion should be fired, along with whoever’s call it is to cut away from major events like victory celebrations where the crowd is going insane so we can cram in another interview segment.

Between this and some of the other illogical dreck they’ve pulled out of their asses since, they’ve likely pissed away most of the good will and positive press they got from their Bound For Glory pay-per-view, and that’s a shame because that show was good and the praise was deserved. With all of the talent they have, there’s no reason why this company shouldn’t be lighting the world on fire. Unfortunately though, because of the utter incompetence of the writing team, the only fire they’re responsible for is the stuff that comes out of my ears every week when I watch Impact. I hope that management catches on and fixes the problem before it’s too late, but given their track record, I’m not holding my breath.

I Want To Ride It Where I Like

I had no idea this was a crime and haven’t the foggiest clue why anyone would do it, but a UK man has been registered as a sex offender after being caught
fucking a bike.

Robert Stewart earned himself a hearing at Ayr Sheriff Court following the incident last October when two “extremely shocked” cleaners at local Aberley House Hostel discovered him getting down and dirty with the bike.

Depute fiscal Gail Davidson told the court: “They knocked on the door several times and there was no reply. They used a master key to unlock the door and they then observed the accused wearing only a white T-shirt, naked from the waist down. The accused was holding the bike and moving his hips back and forth as if to simulate sex.”

The cleaners duly alerted the hostel’s manager, who called in the police.

Stewart on Wednesday admitted to sexual breach of the peace, and was placed on the sex offenders’ register. Sentencing was deferred until next month.

Maybe next time he’ll use the do not disturb sign.

>Cancakes

>Society’s quest to cram everything imaginable into a time-saving box has taken another step forward with the release of the
Batter Blaster.
Yes, pancakes in a spray can. Add some
pre-cracked eggs in a milk carton,
and you’ve got yourself a true breakfast of champions.

I’m not sure what’s more distressing, the idea of spraying an aerosol can over a hot griddle or the fact that this stuff has somehow been certified organic by the
USDA.

>May I See Your Burner’s Permit?

>I know we tend to rag on Britain a lot around here, but think for a few minutes about the idea of
charging people £200 a year for a smoking permit,
and then try telling me that you honestly don’t think they deserve it.

I doubt this idea is going anywhere considering that the brains behind it are the ones pointing out at least some of the flaws in it, but still, this is proof positive that there is not one single aspect of human existence that the British government will not attempt to regulate in some form.

The War Of The Moral Compass And the Golden Compass

Why does this thing I read in Snopes demand to be put up? It doesn’t surprise me, not in the least, but every time the logical part of me says it doesn’t need to be talked about, another part of me screams that it does.

There’s apparently a movie coming out in December called the Golden Compass, and a bunch of religious folk are sending up in arms emails about it, telling their fellow Christians to boycott the movie. Bla bla bla. They say the book on which it is based is written by Phillip Pullman, an English writer who is an atheist, can’t stand C. S. Lewis’s Narnia books and wants to write a rebuttal. For this, they say that no good Christian should watch it. But here’s why something in me screams that I have to blog about this whole campaign. They say the reason no one with any religious belief in them should watch the movie is because people may like the movie, which is watered down, and then go buy the book on which it is based for their kids for Christmas, selling Atheism and dooming the kids to want to kill god.

How is what Pullman is doing any different than sending the kids to Sunday school, forcing the bible on them, simplifying things to the point that they will understand it in the way you want, thus getting them to believe in it? I think if you’re going to make your kids read the bible, at least let them read the other side.

And this really speaks to how stupid the religious higher-ups think their “sheep” are. Well, they do call them sheep, after all. They think reading one book is going to turn them from being pro-God zombies to anti-God zombies. Come on, guys. It’s a book. It’s designed to make them think. Oh yeah, that’s bad too in the eyes of religion. See what I mean about this whole thing being not that big of a surprise? Oh well, it’s written down. Now that other part of me can stop screaming.

Fahrenheit 198451

Here’s some advice. Just don’t go to Britain. Don’t even go near it, and if you’re there, get out, if you can that is. Why? Cops want to increase surveillance to the point that if you even go in a direction that might suggest that you might be up to something, they will chase you down.

Apparently, all the CCTV’s aren’t good enough. So now, they want to centralize their data, make them good enough for face-recognition, and recognize patterns and start tracking the person who apparently fits the pattern. Are they going to get out the mechanical firehouse hounds of Fahrenheit 451?

And if you’re a kid in a British school, you might be RFID tagged like warehouse inventory. Isn’t that special?

I hope that the servers being used to store all this potential data die from overload before they can really use all this. IT’s too much!

Spineless Robber May Have Less Of A Spine Now

Wow. I’m sure the robber in this story wasn’t expecting to be shot in the neck by a 75-year-old blind man. I’m wondering if the shooter was Carey McWilliams’ grandfather. I guess that blind man was a good shot. The shootee is in serious condition with a bullet lodged close to his spine and they don’t know whether they should take it out or leave it in. Well, that’ll teach him to mess with an old man, that’s for sure. I still can’t believe the shooter was able to walk into another room, grab his gun, come back, threaten the dude, and shoot him. The robber really underestimated his opponent. Bad, bad mistake.

More Parental Disasters

I wouldn’t bother writing about this particular loser, except I know I’ve ranted about the number of crappy parents out there before.

He was driving drunk, in the wrong direction down a busy highway, with some open booze, in an uninsured car with an invalid license plate…oh, and his two-year-old daughter just hangin’ out in the back seat with no seatbelt or anything on. *Collapses in a heap.*