Lawn And Order, Crazy Bastards Unit

Oh man. This story about Everett Keith keeps making me laugh. I could read it several times and I’d still laugh. How many times do you get the chance to see the words “saunter”, “mosey”, “wrythe” and “pilfer” in the same story?

Our drunken fool walked, no no, sauntered, into a restaurant with a cigarette in his mouth. He refused to put it out, and this was when he “moseyed” into the dining area, although I think “staggered” would have been a more accurate word. After he’d finished moseying, he fell down and started rolling around on the floor, causing patrons to scatter. then he went outside, tried and failed several times to get into his car. thank god he failed…see my recent post about drunk driving… although he would have had to have driven to this restaurant. but anyway, after clonking his head off a curb, he decided he wanted a softer place to land, so went over to the landscaping, fell into it, and this was when the wrytheing started. That’s right up there with the guy who was caught punching vegetation. He then started throwing crayons that he had “pilfered” from his previous mosey into the dining area at cars. Then deputies scooped him up.

Good christ I hope they lock him away for a while. He’s a danger to himself even on foot. And for the love of Pete, don’t let him have crayons.

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