Next Time I Won’t Wear Pants, Officer

I think this might be one of the more straightforward, honest explanations for rubbing one or two or three out in your local Walmart I’ve seen.

A Walmart worker told cops that a female customer reported that Bryant was acting “weird” in the men’s department. When the employee went to investigate, she noticed that Bryant “had his penis out of his pants and was rubbing it.” The worker added that Bryant would cover himself when someone moved toward him in the aisle, but would resume “the activity when he thought no one was watching him.”
Two other Walmart workers told police that they also witnessed Bryant pleasuring himself. One worker said that she “peaked through a jeans shelf and noticed him pull out his penis and begin to stroke it.”

Police, who were not fooled by the jacket he placed in front of himself as they approached, arrested and charged Jeremy Percival Bryant with indecent exposure. During questioning, he told officers that the reason he did what he did is that he “has a problem with sticking his hands in his pants.”


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