AttenTV: A Great Idea If You’re A Creep, A Loser Or Just Don’t Have Any Respect For Yourself And Your Privacy

Can somebody please tell me where the appeal is in
this?

I’ll break it down quickly for the benefit of those of you who don’t have time to read a long article.

A new service called AttenTV allows people to download a browser plug-in that will record and broadcast their clickstreams for others to watch. If you don’t know what a clickstream is, it’s a record of everything you click on while you’re on the internet. And if you don’t know what watching is, well, I’m afraid there’s little to no hope for you.

I know what some of you are thinking right now, and yes, this is what it sounds like and yes, I’m pretty sure we did used to call things like it spyware back in the day. There are differences between AttenTV and spyware, though not many from where I sit. It reportedly won’t show password protected content, you can turn it off and on as well as filter out specific sites, and you have to download it yourself. but the big question I have is why would you want to?

First of all, you have no idea who’s watching you. Did I miss the memo about cyberstalking no longer being a problem? And why would you want to turn yourself into big brother, or if not big brother, then pesky neighbourhood gossip who seems to know a little something about everybody?

And those questions don’t even begin to address the issue of why anybody who doesn’t have any creepy intentions would care what you’re looking at, or why you would think they would. Trust me, you’re neither that important or exciting. And to anybody who would actually want to watch somebody surf the internet, please, go outside and walk around in the world, or at the very least pick up the phone and talk to another human being until you regain your senses and maybe even figure out how and where your life went so horribly, horribly wrong.

The people behind the AttenTV concept, who are obviously angling to turn it into a money-making venture, like to say that it’s no different than visiting a website and having that website place a cookie on your machine. What I feel I can safely discern from this line of reasoning is that the people behind the AttenTV concept haven’t a clue how cookies actually work. I’ll break that one down too. When you visit a site, it will put a cookie on your machine. However, that cookie will not log everything you do after it gets there and share it with anyone who asks. Basically, a cookie is a little “hey how’s it goin'” between you and the website you went to, while AttenTV is more of a “hey universe, check out what Steve’s lookin’ at in snappy detail!”

When you think about all of the different aspects of this idea, you’re still left with the same big question. Why would you want to? Why would you want to expose your internet comings and goings to the entire world? Why would you want to give up more of your privacy for the financial gain of others who’s aim is to help advertisers serve you more ads? And why would you want to entrust that kind of data to people who don’t know the difference between spyware and a cookie? I don’t know about you, but I don’t, and even though I’ve never used the “service”, it looks like a loser on all counts to me and I probably never will.

I Apologize For Every Newfy Joke I’ve Ever Made

Honestly, I do. I’ve met a pretty good number of Newfoundlanders in my life, and almost all of them have been some of the nicest people you could ever hope to run into, and I don’t even mean with your car. And no matter what people say about them, I haven’t met a single Newfy who could come close to being as retarded as these folks from Arkansas, or as I used to call it until today, Newfoundland South.

What you’re about to read came to me in 2 different emails from 2 different places less than 10 minutes apart. I’d find that a lot stranger if stuff like that didn’t happen to me all the time, but it’s still something I laugh at and wonder about whenever it happens.

First we have a news article about a religious nutcake who wants people to be fired and $20000 in cash because his teenaged sons found a book about lesbians in a *public* library and were traumatized by it.

A Bentonville, Ark., man is seeking $20,000 from the city after his two teenage sons found a book on lesbian sex on a public library bookshelf.

He also wants the library director fired.

Earl Adams said his 14- and 16-year-old sons were “greatly disturbed” after finding the book, titled “The Whole Lesbian Sex Book.” Adams said the book caused “many sleepless nights in our house.”

Adams said the book is “patently offensive and lacks any artistic, literary or scientific value,” according to a letter he faxed to Mayor Bob McCaslin. He said the teenagers found it while browsing for material on military academies.

Adams wants the city to pay $10,000 to each of his sons. That’s the maximum allowed under the Arkansas obscenity law. However, the city’s attorney dismissed Adams’ claim as baseless. She said the book is not pornographic.

“There is not a valid legal concern here,” Camille Thompson said. “In fact, (the request for money) made me question his motivation.”

The library’s advisory board voted earlier this month to remove the book from circulation. Board member George Spence said he found the book crude, but said it could be replaced with one taking a “more sensitive, more clinical approach.”

In an e-mail Thursday, Adams said that “God was speaking to my heart that day and helped me find the words that proved successful in removing this book from the shelf.”

He said he would fight any effort to put the book back on shelves.

“Any effort to reinstate the book will be met with legal action and protests from the Christian community,” Adams wrote in the e-mail.

I know this probably won’t help matters any, but here’s my small and dare I say noble effort to prevent this type of confusion from happening in the future.

pub·lic   
[puhb-lik]
–adjective
1.
of, pertaining to, or affecting a population or a community as a whole: public funds; a public nuisance.
3.
open to all persons: a public meeting.
4.
of, pertaining to, or being in the service of a community or nation, esp. as a government officer: a public official.
5.
maintained at the public expense and under public control: a public library; a public road.
8.
open to the view of all; existing or conducted in public: a public dispute.
10.
of or pertaining to all humankind; universal.
–noun
11.
the people constituting a community, state, or nation.
12.
a particular group of people with a common interest, aim, etc.: the book-buying public.

Taken from Dictionary.com.

Hopefully we’ve all got this straight now. The public is not just you, the public is all of us. You do not speak for the public, at least not all of it. So unless you want to build your own private libraries or start your own private broadcasting facilities, shut the fuck up and accept the fact that like it or not, everybody is the public and we’re all just a little bit different. Everything done for the public good is about striking the right balance, which does not mean that every crackpot gets exactly what he wants when he wants it. Every crackpot has the right to a voice, but the rest of us have an equal right to ignore that voice. It’s one of those things that makes the society you think you’re protecting with your what’s good for me is good for everybody else attitude so great.

Speaking of voices we should be ignoring, here’s a letter that Randy Cassingham dug out of the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette and posted on Jumbo Joke. By the way, where it says warning in the headline, it’s supposed to say warming. The letter was posted on April 16th, and nobody from the crack editing staff has fixed it yet. then again, that might explain how something this stupid could make it into a newspaper.

Daylight exacerbates warning*

You may have noticed that March of this year was particularly hot. As a matter of fact, I understand that it was the hottest March since the beginning of the last century. All of the trees were fully leafed out and legions of bugs and snakes were crawling around during a time in Arkansas when, on a normal year, we might see a snowflake or two. This should come as no surprise to any reasonable person. As you know, Daylight Saving Time started almost a month early this year. You would think that members of Congress would have considered the warming effect that an extra hour of daylight would have on our climate. Or did they ? Perhaps this is another plot by a liberal Congress to make us believe that global warming is a real threat. Perhaps next time there should be serious studies performed before Congress passes laws with such far-reaching effects.

CONNIE M. MESKIMEN / Hot Springs

When I was first reading all of this stuff, the only thing I could think was you know, the next time the Americans feel like bombing someplace back to the dark ages, why not consider Arkansas? But the more I think about it, there’s probably no point. Judging from what I’ve seen today, they’re already there.

Talk to the Twin

Wow. This is just weird. An Australian company called MyCyberTwin.com has come up with a program that is an artificial intelligence and can chat to your friends for you. Then, you can read what your friend and this twin said later.

Process that for a while. There are enough people who go online, but find the conversations so monotonous that they’d rather have a machine talk to their friends for them so they can do better things. It even says you can program the twin to answer repetitive questions like “Are you and so and so really an item?” In my opinion, if you’re having so many conversations on autopilot like some kind of zombie, that means it’s time to get new friends!

There is a cool side to this program, if used by businesses. It would mean faster responses to common questions.

I’d like to talk to one of these and see how person-like it is. I’ve talked to chatterbots before, ***oh no, I’ve just proclaimed my geekhood***, and you can tell they’re a bot. They say some amusing things, but nothing that you’d say realistically in a conversation. This company claims they’re not perfect, but better than most bots. I’m curious.

I’m waiting for the day when people don’t block people anymore, they just leave the annoying person to talk to their CyberTwin, and read the logs later and laugh. Now that I think about it, that might be kind of fun.

Bingo Hall…Bridge Club…Bingo Hall…Bridge Club…

The first time I read this, I was very, very sad. Our collective IQ must be deteriorating if even inventors are getting stupid.

Ok, here’s the premise. They want to take Alzheimers patients and give them RFID tags so their caregivers can track their wanderings and, in theory, come find them when they get lost. The base has a range, and when the tag goes out of range, it alerts with an alarm. They claim that this would give the Alzheimers patient more freedom to rome. Anybody see a problem with this? I see several.

First off, the thing only beeps when the person goes out of range, so how do you go about finding your dear old lost soul? You would have to go in four directions if you wanted to have a hope of finding them.

Second, these folks aren’t the type who should be left free to rome. If their alzheimers is so serious that you’re worried they’ll wander off, when they’re “roming”, they’re not off to the store to get some milk or going down the street to visit a friend. Maybe they think they’re off to the store for milk, but they’re thinking of a store near where they used to live. Maybe they’re wanting to visit a friend who is now dead. Then they get lost. They most likely need supervision, not tracking! I understand that could be hard for family members, but if the person needs to be watched so closely, perhaps it’s time for the family to get some help caring for that person.

Third, the inventors of this stuff shouldn’t delude themselves for a second. People with degrees of dementia have moments of clarity, and in one of those, they could remove your handy dandy tracker before going off on a jaunt that they knew would be out of range, or they could just get pissed that you were making them wear an electronic monitoring device like some house arrest prisoner and remove it. Lots of Alzheimers patients are very angry as the memory slips more and more. wouldn’t you be if you think of yourself as independent, and now everything that you consider to be a solid recollection of what you’ve done is questioned, and you forget who these people are who are managing your life?

Finally, I think this thing gives caregivers too much peace of mind. They think they can just leave the person alone because the tracker will beep if they wander off. Hey dude, the tracker won’t beep if they leave the stove on and almost burn the house down, or drop something on themselves. They still need supervision!

I think we’re too quick to replace old-fashioned ways of doing things with technology that lets us sit back and do nothing. Sometimes that works, but sometimes it just makes no sense! I’m waiting for the first lawsuit filed when someone’s dear old grandma gets hurt and nobody knew about it because the tracker didn’t go off to tell them something was wrong.

What’s This? A Normal Life?

Here's Trixie!
Finally! I’m home and starting to feel like a normal human being again! For the first few days, I was so overwhelmed. I was trying to figure out where the dog fit into my day, plus trying to read the fifty odd emails I had set aside to read when I got home, plus decompressing from the crazy schedule and helping my poor beast adjust to eastern time. It took me all week to get through the emails and get everything straight, but I think it’s finally happening.
I just wanted to say thanks to everyone who showed interest in one way or another in my little journey to California. I got some pretty cool comments and emails out of the deal, I even got emailed by a couple of alumni from GDB! Sometimes, a guy who raised puppies for another school would email me. We’ve even had google searches that just had my name and Trixie’s name. We’re famous!

A small update on my knee: I definitely need physio. I’m not in the horrible agony I was, but I’ve fallen down hills and when I walk anywhere long and drawn out, which has become 2 blocks, I need someone to be there for support. This isn’t like me. So I’m heading in for Physio on Tuesday. Let’s hope it helps.

Here’s a picture of Trixie…and me. I think she should be the star, but this is the best I can do. Isn’t she cute? Now that I’ve said that, I will have uploaded the photo wrong and she’ll look like some kind of hideous demon dog. That happened to a friend of mine. She was looking at her dog’s picture on the computers at the dorm, and Zoomtext, another program to enlarge text, was on, and somehow it had inverted the colours so it looked like a negative. So her dog looked black with glowing eyes and a white nose and she looked like an old man. So let me know if she looks good.

I have a couple more blog posts in store. Hopefully I can get them up soon.

Hope everyone is having the gorgeous weather we’re having! Spring just might be here! Maybe? Possibly? Could it be? If not, I guess we’d better enjoy it.

Carin’s Guide Dog Diary: Day 29

Oh my god. I’m on the plane. My beautiful beast is at my feet. I’m…done! She’s mine and I made it!

This morning I couldn’t sleep past 3. I ran around my room and tried to make sure everything was packed. I pray I’m not heading for an adrenal crash. My body is trying to tell me something, but let’s just hope that if I do crash, it’ll be small.

I packed up my poor beast’s fleece. I don’t think she slept a wink, the poor baby. Every day I love her more and more. Sometimes I was afraid that we weren’t bonding, but I think we’re fine. Everyone says she settles well beside me and looks happy, and I feel like someone amputated part of my arm if I leave without her. I mean there are times when it’s easier to not have the beast on the end of my arm, but I have to know where she is and all that or I’m not content either. Anyway I don’t think she slept well, poor baby.

When I got up I guess I made a bit of a racket with my hoppy limp step, but it’s a good thing I did because I woke up Jill, Amy and Sylvia who almost overslept. Woopsers.

My little angel pooped and peed, which is good because we’re about to fly. Oh my poor Californian pooch who has never seen snow. My poor poor Californian pooch.

We got on the bus, and we gradually went from loud to silent. Everybody’s exhausted, especially Amy, Jill and Sylvia. Poor Amy now has to pay the bill from her trip to the ER when she had her seizure at the beginning. Man am I ever thankful that Canada has the health care it does, even with its problems.

I hate goodbyes, especially when we’re all groggy. I was the first one off. They took me to the counter, and…that was that. A goodbye and my passport was being checked through. then I was led to the security gate, and if I thought the security check was thorough on Wednesday, they had surprises for me. We went through and beeped like we always do, then they asked me if I’d like a private room or if we could do it in public. Beginning to feel a wee bit afraid of what they were going to do, I said I guess a private room. Then she was bellowing at the other women, “I need a female assist!” And they touched me everywhere. My boobs, my butt, I had to take my medicine I had for on the plane out of my pocket, my poop bags, and they even opened Trixie’s leash luggage and inspected more poop bags and her gental leader. One of the women was afraid she’d bite her. Dear god. She’d kiss her instead of biting her. So, surprise surprise, I wasn’t set to explode so through I went. Two bags checked, one bag carry-on, my purse, my fanny pack and my elba here..and of course, my little buddy…who just got us bumped up to executive class. How absolutely awesome. I’m being treated like a princess. The guy got me breakfast, which was good because I didn’t get a chance to have breakfast before leaving and all they had was dry cereal. I’ve never felt so waited on in my life. And my little beast flies well. She was a little disturbed at first, but now she’s laying here at my feet. I wasn’t the best at getting her into my foot space, but there’s no one beside me so she’s got lots of room. eeewww this movie is disgusting. Oh well, maybe it will get undisgusting. I hope so.

I hate not being able to touch Trixie. Her leash is looped around my knee and she feels like she’s chillin’, but I’d like to scritch scratch her ears. The tray table is keeping me from getting to her though, that and my ouchy knee.

My stomach is a little unsettled. I hope it calms down soon. I’m so tired but so awake. I’m afraid to nap in case Trixie rises and starts moving. I know she’s tied to me, but still. A little over 2 hours to go. Funny how this flight feels like it’s going faster than the other one. Always that way, isn’t it? tired. sleepy.

I slept a little. Damn it I didn’t do a customs card. Erg. Now the agents will have to do it when we get there. Get this. The flight attendents aren’t authorized to do it. It’s a basic card. Arg just help me fill it out! Ug I hate that. Someone keeps sounding like one of the instructors. There’s this heat hitting my jeans pockets. It must be sunny out. But apparently it’s only 3 degrees. I’m gonna have a brutal shock ahead of me. Not as much as my poor pooch. Must remember when we land that her handle, my coat and the bag are stowed. Handle, coat, bag. Everything else is tied to me somehow. Much love to the detachable handle.

Piss piss piss! Shit crap hell damn crap crap hell! I knew I forgot something. Deep down at the bottom of my suitcase is a binder, and in that binder is Trixie’s health certificate. Piss hell shit crap damn hell piss! How the hell am I going to dig it up? Piss! Oy! I thought I’d remember that. Saboo! And there’s a big bag of dogfood in my bag, 3 days’ worth, and I don’t know if that’s legal. Oh cross your fingers for me. Oh god oh no. piss hell. Hope for me. We descend in about an hour. Hopefully nothing goes bad.

Some things I forgot to say before that I keep forgetting to add in:

Clyde is funny. He’s the retrain, or retread as we started calling them, who liked to play the organ. Apparently he’s a really good dancer and taught the nurse to tango in her office. Don’t get any ideas, it’s just the tango. Anyway, when we were talking about my bum knee, he even knew of a dance you could dance if you had to hold one leg stiff all the time. He’s funny. He’s 85 and he’s getting another dog.

Bahia puked at the grad ceremony. I wonder why.

sedgey’s paw is better. I don’t know if I mentioned that. and his ear is better. Meredeth doesn’t have a broken doggy anymore.

I don’t like the fact that Dynamo, or double D as Amy calls him, still has to pee a lot. I hope she can resolve that. Makes me a wee tad nervous.

My stupid brace. I can hardly wait to get something better. My feet are tired. The way she’s positioned, if I put my feet down they’ll rest on her and that wouldn’t be nice. I don’t mind her head on my foot, but my feet on her? No. Poor beast. I can’t even imagine not having any control over my destiny, but being smart enough to wonder what’s going on but not be able to ask. Maybe I think about it too much, but the poor thing has been shuttled around so much. You will settle down, Trixie, you will.

Please let this flight end soon. I don’t feel the best, and I’m not uber comfortable because of the feet thing.

That is the weirdest headphone setup I’ve ever seen. They don’t clip too well to my ears.

I should probably think about getting Trixie some ice. The poor beast can’t ask for a thing.

I still haven’t set my watch. I should do that at some point. We should be landing within the hour.

We landed! I tried to limp through the airport but I didn’t do well, so Trixie and I got a ride in a golf cart. Trixie-poo, you’ve now ridden on buses, subways, cars, and golf carts! She’s doing really well! She already knows where my apartment door is, where the elevator is, where her relieving spot is, and she’s already pooped and peed a couple times, and no diarrhea! I’ve got her food, her puppy raisers are sending her a bed, she’s quietly nestled on tiedown in my bedroom, and she’s taken a trip to the emergency room with me where I found out that my MCL is a bit torn and that I’ll have to get physio. Heall, damn it, heal! She’s an angel dog. I just feel bad that at first the walks will be really short.

So now the real hard work begins. My journey is only beginning. Hope you enjoyed the first leg.

Carin’s Guide Dog Diary: Day 26

Notes from Steve: Here’s day 26. Turns out Carin messed up my email address when she sent it out. Guess I know how important I am now, hahaha. I mean of all the people to not remember…Gees. Ridiculous.

Also, Carin made it home without incident yesterday and her and Trixie are both settling in nicely. I’m sure you’ll all be hearing a lot more about how things are going as time goes on.

Ok, here’s Carin.

Hope for me, keep cheering, I’m almost there.

This morning we all got the scoop on what kind of environments our puppies were raised in. It’s so cool about Al’s dog Bahia. She was exposed to all kinds of music, which is good because Al was all worried about whether or not he could take her along when he plays music.

Then, while everyone went to Berkeley, I went with the retrains and did rounded corners, which is what I missed the other day when I was completely out of commission. Much to my dismay, the brace started sliding down and Helen was off with the regular class. So I had to hobble through the walk with an ineffective immobilizer. So we only went 3 blocks and turned around. I’m now affectionately called hop-along. This rounded corners thing is weird. Because the corners are rounded, she’ll sort of veer around the corner and you have to feel for her to straighten out. Then you have to halt her and tell her to hop up and she’ll line you up with the curb. I can feel the veer, I can’t feel the straightening out, but she seems to show me the curb, so sweet, I don’t have to fix it.

When I got back here we had a little free time, so I ran to the computer. I feel bad. People email me, and I can only write back short responses. Someone asked me some questions about technology and all I could manage was, “Ug, can I tell you about it when I get home?” People are asking me deep questions about why I want a dog, etc. and all I can say is “I’ll tell you more when I get home.” I really don’t mean to be rude. It’s just I’m checking the email via the web and I want to at least say something but I don’t have the time, or sometimes the mental energy, to say nearly what I want to say. Hope people understand.

I went to the nurse to get the brace adjusted, and she showed me how to do it myself! How liberating! It’s not really uber complicated, just a few things you need to know, and you need to remember to have patience. I’m not the best at it, but if I can’t figure it out, I’ll bug her one more time and make her watch me do it. I feel like such a slow learner. Oh well.

Lunch was good, a cheeseburger. A lady from Graduate services sat at our table and talked about how she answers the phones that graduates call when they have questions. She seemed nice. After lunch, we got presents! vet packs and dog tags! Now I have a year’s supply of heartworm preventative and a year’s supply of anti-flea/tic. Yea!

Then they all went on the miracle mile. As soon as I hear the words miracle mile, I cringe right now. So Audrey took me to go and do some island crossings. They’re weird. They train them to find the island, then you’re supposed to show them the beginning of the island and then walk to the end of the island and then finish the crossing. She talked more about patterning and all that good stuff.

I didn’t go on the night route. When Mike asked if I was going to go, a spike of pain shot through my knee and I said no. I won’t be going on the hike tomorrow either, sniff sniff. Oh well, that’s all small stuf. In 8 years or whenever my puppy retires I’ll try again. I mean how likely is it that I’ll louse up my knee again? *shouldn’t have said that, have now jynxed myself.*

Tonight I talked to my mom. She’s so sweet, I could just hug her. She’s offering to take me to the doctor the day after I get home. I could just hug her. Ah mommy.

I’ve gotta start packing. There’s a lot to pack and I need to make sure it’ll all fit.

Carin’s Guide Dog Diary: Day 28

Flop. Graduation over. Tired. Ok, let’s run down the day quickly because I want to go to the computers, clean off all my emails, talk to Amy and then fall down so I can get up at 3 or so so we can leave at 4:45. Yee ha. Oh I want to practice one more time getting her into the airplane seats.

I got up this morning and started laundry, woohoo. that being done, I ate breakfast. Sausage, eggs and fruit and sweet roll. Then we had the obedience competition. Damn it, Trixie and I were in the final four teams, all newb teams I might add, and we were supposed to have them stay and I accidentally said stay twice. I disqualified her. Beauty won in the end. Yea nylabones.

Then I was packing and gathering up kibble, etc.

Then, the zoo hit. We had lunch and then got all dolled up.

I met Trixie’s puppy raisers, and they are adorable. They gave me a bag full of stuff for her, and they’re going to ship me more! They are wonderful people. They’re so sad that she’s going far away. They couldn’t stop hugging me goodbye. Then they took pictures of us together with our puppy raiser. We got to talk more about her puppy habits and how she even gnawed on her nails and licked her belly as a puppy. She was completely out of her tree. How many sit corrections can we dole out in one sitting? But she eventually settled and was a good girl.

Then we had to hand the puppy back to the raiser for the big ceremony. It was raining, so we couldn’t go out on the graduation stage. We were in the dining room. So they sat us down and after some speeches about breeders and other puppies, they started calling us up. We’d get handed our puppies, say a few words, and the raiser would say a few words. One, if not both of us, would cry. Then it was all over and we got more time to chat. They couldn’t stop hugging me.

Autumn’s mom and her friend were there and decided to help me repack my suitcase. I didn’t really need the help, but whatever floats your boat, chief. She did help me find a bit of missing money which was cool, and confirm that everything was cleaned out of the closet and drawers minus the PJ’s and an outfit. It was a bit overwhelming as they ran around like working little ants packing up Autumn’s stuff, then they were in my area, and my head spun. On top of that, I had to feed, water, and relieve my puppy while this was going on. As I was picking up poop, Autumn was saying goodbye. What a crappy way to part ways, har har.

Autumn is gone, Carmen is gone, Al is gone, Meredith is gone, Frank is gone. It’s just me, Amy, Bernard, Jill and Sylvia I think, Although I haven’t heard a peep out of her. They’re going to load our bags for us and we relieve the pups at 4:30 and then be loading by 4:45. Eekers. I’m just going to go to the computers and send a couple days’ worth of stuff off, maybe bug Amy for a bit, oh and poop the pup, and maybe, just maybe, fall down for a few hours. I’ll have to set the alarm for the last time.

Trixie is tired and confused. She keeps looking over where Autumn and Beauty were, and wondering what on Earth is happening. Poor baby. The poor soul has never seen snow. I don’t know what it looks like back home, but I’ve heard it’s icky, slushy, gross. Alright Trix, have a good snooze. I’m off to the computer room and then I’m sure I’ll be snoring too.

Carin’s Guide Dog Diary: Day 27

Note from Steve: Yes, I realize that we’re jumping from day 25 to 27. I’m not sure what happened to 26, but I don’t have it. that means that it’s either lost in email land somewhere or that one of us made a mistake in the numbering at some point. Since I’m not entirely certain which it is and I can’t ask because A it’s 4:30 in the morning in California right now and B because Carin’s at the airport waiting to come home, I’m just going to go by her numbers. I can always fix it later.

Ok I have to do this one at the end and quickly because it’s ten-to-eleven and I need to crash.

Got up and fed Trixie her last pills with her food and all that. Went to breakfast and to see the nurse about the brace. She said I had it on right, just not tight enough and reassured me that I would get it. She told me I must go to Muir Woods, and the route isn’t that long. So I decided to go.

The morning meeting was quick, we just got our schedule. Mike shook all our hands and left for a meeting, but not before Carmen played that bloody song. She tried to play it in the wrong key, and I, queen of tact…not…said, “Wrong key, chief.” She got the damn song recorded in mp3 and it’s going to be given to all the puppy raisers. She’s apparently going to sing it at some kind of reception tomorrow. Ug I never want to hear that melody ever again.

Boy am I ever glad I went on the trail. We went down this winding path and boardwalk and all that stuff. The water was peaceful, the birdies sang, Trixie did perfectly, everything was awesome. I didn’t make it all the way, but I walked with the nurse and we went a good long ways. She actually strongly advocated that I go and walked right with me. I love Helen.

Then we got hot chocolate and some people checked out a gift shop, a disturbing gift shop if you ask me. Ok, we’re at a Redwood preservation park. All the souvenirs are made out of…Redwood. Hmmm. Strange? Yep.

So we left Muir Woods and came back and had lunch. Then, we had a meeting and got given a gynormo binder of goodness with everything we could ever want. I do have one teeny gripe. In that information is a thing about the harness size etc. but it’s not available in an alternative format. Um, won’t we need that at some point? I’m going to recommend that some of those more important pieces of info be put in an alternative format. But they gave us a ton of shit. Yea ton of shit.

Next we went to the mall. Autumn banged up her knee again today. She thwonked it yesterday so she wasn’t going anywhere. So I took her credit card and got her Mrs. Fields cookies and I got myself some C’s candy for the plane trip back. The guy in C’s candy just couldn’t stop giggling at my dog. I think he fell in love with Trixie, either that or he couldn’t decide if he loved Storm more. Poor Amy had to buy a whole other suitcase and discovered that it’s hard to do guide work and wheel a suitcase. We left the mall and there was a bit of free time, but I ended up on the phone for most of it. Of course I had to feed and relieve puppy and all, but the rest of the time it was yack yack yack. I’m going to pay for that in the morning. I have to do laundry and I have to do it as soon as I get up. Ug.

Then I ran to dinner. Yep, my knee is heeling. Much love, much love to the brace and the patience of the nurses who helped me. Helen especially deserves an award. There are so many people I’d like to give something to. I actually ran to dinner.

After dinner, we had the dumbest lecture ever. It was basically a summary of several lectures. Ug. But then they gave us a tie-down and told us what tomorrow wil hold. Ug. Tomorrow’s busy. Then Autumn’s mom and friend came and that was cool. They gave Trixie a big, heavy bone…that I can see causing trouble. She does not want to give it up. Ok, serious obedience to come.

I finally took the freelance guide back to its proper place. Then Amy and I got giggling and I finally got to ask her the question of are we cool. I love Amy, but she seems to be a bit of a backstabber. So I asked her, is there any reason that you just can’t stand me? I said I’ve noticed she’ll be nice to someone’s face and then say all manner of bad things behind their back, and I asked her if she had a problem with me. She said no. So hopefully she isn’t a real good liar too.

Now it’s late, I mean really late, and I have to get up at 5:45 to start laundry.

Oh yeah, Trixie-boo is Giardia-negative! Do a little dance, jump around and celebrate! No more nasty poops! No more Giardia. Be gone! Out, demon, out! Oh, and that beeping in the hall can stop at any time now.

Carin’s Guide Dog Diary: Day 25

Yea! Things are looking up! Yea! First, the brace is staying on longer. They figured out the metal parts bend. Now that they’ve bent, it’ll stay on longer. It will eventually slide down, but it’ll stay on longer.

I got up this morning after oversleeping and went to feed Trixie. Then I tried to get her pills but no one was at the office. Being behind schedule, I ran around trying to find someone to give her her pills, plus I had to have my brace tightened. I got my brace tightened and had to give up on the pills until after breakfast. Then they actually let me get the bottle of pills to take back so I don’t have to pester them again! Yea! So I had to give her the pills the hard way, i.e. open her mouth, put the pill in, hold her mouth closed and rub her throat until she swallows it. That went ok.

Then I headed out for the bus to go to the airport. They were putting us all through airport security so we’d know what to expect when they screene us. Then the afternoon was the solo route. so anyway I headed out to the bus and we came onboard, and then they said a dog vomited on the bus steps. They were trying to figure out who vomited. Then they got up on the bus and there was more vomit right in front of me. Not a good sign. They said it looked like bile and some kind of food called ID. Um, there they are, phorenzically examining the vomit to see whose dog puked. They can’t figure out if it’s Trixie who puked, or Clyde’s dog. clyde was with us because he decided to go through the security screening because he has a pacemaker too. So anyway, off we went.

The security screening was interesting. Because your dog sets off the alarms, you can either make them sit and stay and walk through, or heel the dog through and both get padded down. I went for the second, I wasn’t sure how well the sit stay would work because I’d be holding the end of a leash, which has metal anyway. The key is never let the screener take your dog away from you, and at the end, make sure they reunite you with your shoes and metal things you had to take out of your pockets.

So we went through, and oh my god, the underwire in my bra set off the beeper! How embarrassing. And they had to clear my zipper, I felt like I was being molested. Ickers. At one point she wanted to know what the bulge in my pocket was. I’m like, um, er, it’s bags to pick up their, um, erm, waste, ya know, poop. She’s like take them out. I’m like sure. Then she just started laughing. Then, when they were wanding the dog, she said something that sounded like “Have her lie on her side.” So I tried, and she rolled over on her belly. Then she was really laughing. I had real trouble having her stay sitting. She would sit and then get up again. Erg. But the security lady was really nice. Oy yoy yoy. When they were wanding me, my brace kept setting off alarms because its sides are made of steel. Then they had to rub this thing across my hands and across the brace to check for traces of explosives. Oy yoy yoy.

It was really cool to be able to do this, because we were learning, and they were able to get feedback about how well they did. So we were training them. They must get sick of seeing so many dogs each month. I made it through the whole airport thing without any trouble. Yea immobilizer! Wooo!

Then we came back and had a roast beef sandwich, and I was full. Next we had a lecture from the infamous Brian Francis about Graduate services, and he explained the vet plan. They’ll help with $250 worth of basic dog care expenses each year plus the cost of flea and heartworm preventative. And if something huge happens to the poor woofer, they’ll help and work out something with you so you pay some and the vet might be able to knock some off. Pretty sweet if you ask me.

Then we went off and did the, gulp, self-orientation or solo route. They dropped Carmen off first, then Sylvia, then Meredeth, then Jill, then me. I got the shortest route, with my gimpy leg. But I still managed to screw stuff up. Ok, it took me forever to figure out where to go after they told me I was at Fifth and E on the south side of Fifth. Hello, all I had to do was cross E, turn, cross fifth, walk straight down E to Fourth, turn down it, find the lounge, you’re done. Simple simple simple. But I was like I can’t see this in my mind! I totally cracked under pressure. Then I managed to cross, have trouble crossing the next street, then screw up finding the right way to go once I got across, then turn in too soon and end up in another parking lot near the lounge. Eek! That was a very, very, very short route and I still buggered it up. Way to inspire confidence in your instructors. Then we all came home after you had the chance to freelance or stay there. I wasn’t moving. I managed to get back in ok shape, but the brace had slid down. Catherine re-adjusted it and I was cool again. She was amazed to here that I was able to relieve her and everything. I just told her I line my left foot up with her and bend primarily from my left side. It was harder, but it was doable. So she may be able to come home with me after all.

Then we got back and we went and relieved her and fed and took her out to relieve again. I’m thinking cool. She’s done her duty. So I give her her bone and she has fun with it. Then we go for dinner, sloppy joe’s. And I had some apple pie too.

Then, oh then. I took her out on our little patio and was throwing a cong back and forth, and suddenly she started circling the way she does when she’s about to drop a poop bomb. I’m like oh no oh no oh no! Sure enough, there’s a nice carepackage at my feet. I luckily had a bag and picked it up as best I could, but managed to step in some smeers. Ug. I cleaned off my shoes and brought the present to the instructors so it could be disposed of. Jessica even hosed off the patio for me. Jessica’s so sweet.

I got a call from Trixie’s puppy raisers! How cool is that? They were all asking me lots of questions and telling me about Trixie. She apparently always had a yellow lab friend. So that’s why she loves Beauty so much. Ah it all comes out. They said she loved tug, but on a rope. I have a longer tug toy at home, we’ll see if she likes that. They even offered to buy me booties or a doggy bed for the Trixter. I could just hug them! They’re coming on Saturday and they want to see her work. Hmmm. I don’t know if that’s a good idea. I’m going to talk to the instructors. They’re so excited to meet me. Oh Saturday is going to be a very emotional day. I’m going to be reduced to a blubbering pile by the end.

Alrighty, crashing now.