I’ve Got Such A Woody Right Now…A Woody And A Few Slivers…

Last Updated on: 24th August 2016, 10:00 am

It’s a new year, and that can mean only one thing. That’s right, new stories about people humping things!

First up (see what I did there?) for 2009 is Jose Raul Moreno-Lopez of Tampa, Florida. Unless somebody has come up with the $7750 required to spring him, he is currently sitting in the Orient Road Jail facing charges of lewd and lascivious exhibition and disorderly intoxication after an incident during which he exposed and touched himself before having relations with a tree.It should also be noted that he did all of this in front of 5 children, which surely won’t do him any favours come trial time.

The incident began 20 minutes earlier at 14302 Hensel Lane. While intoxicated, Moreno-Lopez began punching the ground in a parking lot of the Avalon Terrace Apartment complex, according to a criminal arrest affidavit. He then took off his shirt, threw it to the ground and exposed himself before he “began to make motions against a tree” simulating a sex act, the affidavit states.

By the way, a quick question for the grammar lovers in the crowd. does that last sentence make it sound like the tree was simulating a sex act or am I just reading it wrong?

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