Bacon Apple Pie: Because There’s Nothing That Somebody Won’t Try To Ruin

I can’t remember if I’ve asked this here or just on Twitter, but I’d love for somebody to please explain to me the fascination with adding bacon to everything. And I’m sorry, but “because it’s bacon and bacon is awesome” isn’t good enough to fly.

I like bacon. I had some today. It is, in fact, pretty awesome sometimes. But we’re getting carried away with it. Chocolate bacon? Bacon lip balm? Bacon shaving cream? Do we really need these things? Is there a crowd of voices crying out for bacon cologne and I just can’t hear them?

Why in the name of tap dancin’ Jesus on a merry-go-round would you want to smell like bacon all the time? Once you’ve cooked and eaten the bacon, that’s where the happy bacon smell ends. You know what it’s like when you’ve cooked bacon, and then for hours your whole house and your clothes smell like something resembling bacon and no matter what you do you can’t get it out? It’s awful! I hate that! The worst part of cooking bacon is smelling like bacon. The only thing more hideous is smelling other people who smell like they’ve cooked bacon and then gone out in the sun. BOacon? Who would want to smell like that all day long?

And why must now these bacon people ruin the most perfect of food creations, the apple pie? Yes, I think this is what finally sent me completely over the edge on the bacon issue.

That link leads to a recipe for what sounds like a pretty nice apple pie…with a fucking bacon lattice top on it. Why? Just why? I literally felt sick when I read it and still do each time I think about it, as in my stomach feels like it’s doing skateboard tricks.

Please, enough! Just stop! I don’t want to hate bacon, but the world’s obsession with it is making it ever harder for me to enjoy it. It might have been cute or a novelty at first, but it’s not funny anymore.

Note: I know I’m going to be roundly ignored and the insanity will continue, but at least I feel better for having said it.

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