Guess I Don’t Have To Tell You To Spread ‘Em

Haven’t had a good old fashioned dumb ass public sex story in a while. This’ll work.

Cops say that Gary Hill and Crystal Frances had shared a pint of vodka before they began trysting in public. Cops learned about the coupling around 9 PM from a female passerby who reported that a duo was poised to have sex in front of headquarters.
When a patrolman went outside to investigate, he spotted the 46-year-old Hill with his pants down having sex with Frances (who was not wearing pants or underwear). The couple, lying down on the sidewalk, was “actively engaging in sexual intercourse,” police charge.

Yes, headquarters is indeed a reference to a headquarters of the police variety. Why wouldn’t it be?

When police questioned him, Hill offered an entirely logical explanation for what happened.

“I’m horny. She was giving it up to me right then and there.”

Unfortunately for hill, the police weren’t having any of his strike while the iron is hot defense and decided to charge him with indecent exposure and jail him on $7500 bond instead of letting him finish. They were also seemingly uninterested in his statement that this is “a Key West moment,” although I’m sure the tourism department is suddenly in a rush to do up some new license plates.

Frances hadn’t been arrested at the time of this report. She was deemed too intoxicated for that at the scene and taken to a hospital to dry out instead.

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