I would very much like to tell you all that I am surprised to learn that people have been accidentally setting fires by putting their masks in the microwave to sterilize them, but that would be a lie. What does surprise me, however, is that the sort of person who would do a thing like …
Monthly Archives: September 2020
Stop Or I’ll Say Stop Again
Am I the only one to whom this makes zero sense? The future of social circles is on the bubble and visitors to nursing homes in “hot zones” like Toronto, Peel Region and Ottawa are being restricted because of the rapid, record-setting spread of COVID-19 as the province injects more cash into long-term care. Premier …
They’d Be Broke
It occurs to me as I sit here with the song playing in the background that the Barenaked Ladies are lucky that they wrote “If I Had $1000000” when they did. Had they written it today, they’d have gotten to the line about buying a house and that would be it. I wish I was …
Drinkin’ And Huggin’ And Kissin’ And Spittin’
Notwithstanding the way he’s approaching the back to school plan, I stand by what I said a few months ago. The Doug Ford that we’ve gotten during the pandemic is a much better Doug Ford than the regular Doug Ford. He’s also a pretty amusing Doug Ford, and not for the usual reasons (mockery, ridicule, …
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Two Important Questions About Online Oktoberfest
Are we calling the kickoff event the Tapping of the Keys or the Typing of the Keg? When one of the event streams malfunctions, should we all sing “I’m Frozen”? I wish I could take full credit for that last joke, but most of it has to go to the well lubricated fellow in my …
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Urine My Hallway. Why?
I can’t help but wonder if, after the successful completion of this mission, it was this person who then made his way to Guelph and shat in that dishwasher the other week. Someone broke in to Norfolk County home and dumped urine in foyer: police They say at least one suspect broke into the home …
WWE Wine. Yes, The H In Whine Is Missing ON Purpose
I am extremely disappointed in everyone involved in this new WWE Wines endeavor. How do you put out this product and not call it “World Riesling Entertainment”? Complete branding negligence is what that is.
Say Healthy People Have Nothing To Worry About One More Time…
Of all the things I’m getting right sick of during this pandemic, one of the worst is having to constantly hear some clown or other say that everyone else is making far too big a deal out of COVID because healthy people have nothing to worry about. Even if we pretend that all of those …
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Use Your Imagination Is Very Good Advice
If the police pull you over, end up searching your vehicle and finding a bunch of drugs, maybe trying to pin the stuff on some guy to whom you had recently given a ride and the vehicle’s real owner might seem like it’s worth a shot. But if you’re going to do that, be very …
Good On You, CHCH
Thank you, you small, independent television station, for putting on a more complete newscast than one of the richest media companies in Canada can be bothered to produce. It’s been more than three years since CTV obliterated a bunch of local sports departments and no, I’m still not over it. I’ll never be over it. …
