Those 12 Steps Will come In Handy, Since He May Soon Be Walking Everywhere

If only Donald Blood III had humbly asked his greater power to remove his shortcomings, perhaps none of this would be happening. To be specific, the shortcoming that prevents him from being able to distinguish a paved parking lot from a grass-filled lawn. That one’s causing all kinds of problems for him right now. And …

I’m Guessing He Lost The Race

So you’ve just stolen a car. What do you do next? If you’re David Williams of St. Clair, Missouri, that’s an easy one. Pull up beside some officers assisting a stranded motorist on the highway and see if they want to race, then gun it! Luckily or perhaps not given how things ended for him, …

The Guelph Public Library’s Free Internet Access Is Safe…For Now

In April, I wrote about the trouble the Guelph Public Library was about to have thanks to the Harper government cutting the funding that makes free internet access there possible. Today, there’s an update on the fundraising effort that Cam Guthrie launched to help save it. According to the story, funding for 2013 has been …

What The Heck Are Camel Toads? Are They Dangerous?

Clearly I need to start reading newspaper advice columns again. This amazing question actually ran in the Ask Leslie column in the Hays, Kansas Daily News in June of 2005. If you don’t believe me, take it up with Randy from This Is True. And while you’re there, subscribe to everything he offers. Now where …

We’re All A Little Safer Today Thanks To The Harper Government’s Tough On Charity Agenda

Reasons the Harper government sucks, number…oh man, this is getting to be way too many digits. They’re just the worst. Now and then, with approval, prison inmates were spending their own money to order pizza and chicken from local restaurants. They were being charged extra for the privilege, and a large portion of that extra …

Happy Birthday To…Me!

Yes, it really is that time again. I have no idea where the hell this year went but I’ll be honest, I’m glad it’s going. For a lot of people (myself included), 2012 has bitten it pretty hard. I didn’t almost die like in 2011, but that doesn’t mean people close to me didn’t or …

‘Twas The Evening Prior To A Celebration Of Marketing And Religion

I have no idea who wrote this, but my god is it awesome. ‘Twas the nocturnal segment of the diurnal period preceding the annual yuletide celebration, and throughout our domicile, kinetic activity was not in evidence among the possessors of this potential, including that species of domestic rodent known as mus musculus. Hosiery was meticulously …