Don’t The Dew

Here’s a refreshing bit of honesty or self-awareness or something. A man caught trying to provide a fraudulent urine sample for a circuit court-mandated drug test identified himself as “Dumb Ass” when the arresting deputy asked him his first name, according to a Bay County Sheriff’s Office report. Asked if he’d just responded with “Dumb …

Have You Heard? If You Drill A Hole In Your New iPhone, You’ll Get To Buy A New iPhone

People will believe any damn thing. This is a fact. And should you decide that now might be a fine time to work out your contrarian muscles and not take my word for it, I give you this. Oh come on, Steve. This is so obviously a terrible idea, not to mention a prank. It …

Wait! Where’s Everybody Going? Come Back! It Says “Muslims Get Out,” Not “Customers Get Out!”

If you’re so determined to make a statement, at least shit out the effort required to find a big enough sign to accommodate it. Christ, what a moron. A Minnesota business owner who wrote “Muslims get out” on the sign outside his restaurant has defended the move, claiming that people were taking the sign “in the …

Our Prices Are Insane, And So Are We

I had heard over the weekend that this existed, but until now I hadn’t seen it. But even now that I have seen it, I still can’t believe that I’ve seen it. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ZmM-2gj5Gc In the television spot, a Miracle Mattress employee, identified by the Dallas Morning News as manager Cherise Bonanno, along with two male employees, …

I Want You To Want Me

And now, today’s reminder that taunting the cops online almost never does your freedom prospects any good. Mack Yearwoodhe used his "Wanted of the Week" poster as his profile pic on social media-SPD arrested him on 8/30/16 pic.twitter.com/J6Cjfjduau — Stuart Police Dept. (@cityofstuart) August 31, 2016 Yes, this Mack Yearwoodhe fellow did indeed decide that …

Who’s Goin’ Dumbass Huntin’? Cops Is Goin’ Dumbass Huntin’!

In case the title makes no sense to you… The festival in question is the Gathering of the Juggalos, so the ICP reference seemed appropriate. In some ways, I’m sure selling drugs at a music festival is harder than it sounds. It’s loud, for a start. A lot of attendees are paying you no mind …

Someone May Be Going To Jail, But I Doubt It’s The Kid. Not Yet, At Least

It’s been a while, but another person has landed in some trouble for gettin’ their Roger Stephens on. This time it’s 71-year-old Beverly Ann Hardy, who now faces a felony charge of assault on a minor thanks to some unruly punk. According to court records, Darla Edwards called police shortly before 11 a.m. to report …

Please Leave A Message At The Tone, Unless You’re Caller Number Four

I have a question. The other day, my dad called me. While we were talking, he said that he had been trying to call my sister but her voicemail was full and he couldn’t leave a message. I texted her to let her know, and when she wrote back, I was floored. “I know it’s …