Nofu!

I know this is a pointless post, but what I’m about to describe disgusted me so much that I had to write about it.

I went to this Vietnamese restaurant. It’s a cute little place and they even serve you tea before you order, so I’m a pretty big fan of theirs. I wasn’t feeling that well that day, so I thought, I’ll order this chicken dish that’s on their menu. It has chicken, noodles, and some veggies. What a perfect dish for someone with a stupid cold. And bring on the tea!

So, after waiting a while, and drinking more tea, the food finally came. I was merrily chowing down, enjoying it quite a bit, when I speared into something that almost put the brakes on my appetite. My fork hit it and I thought, that’s the strangest piece of chicken I’ve ever seen. That should have been the warning. I put it in my mouth and started to chew. It was then that I noticed that it was not like chicken at all. It tasted more like rubber that had been dipped in eggs. To my horror, I could finally name this oddly-textured piece of garbage. That name, my friends, is tofu!

Now why in the good Christ would they need to put tofu in this dish? It had chicken in it for crying out loud! I can half understand why they put tofu in vegetarian dishes, although I’d never eat one with those hunks of chewy tasteless crap in them if I knew it would greet me. But I can understand its presence. It’s giving them protein since they refuse to eat anything with a face. And, they must have a different idea of what tastes good because they’re willing to eat things like Texturized Vegetable Protein, *gag*, and vegan cheese! *puke* aaaa! There goes my breakfast! But I asked for meat, I don’t need or want this in my meal.

So Here’s my question to people who have eaten at different Vietnamese restaurants. Are they all big tofu fans and it’s some kind of signature ingredient in Vietnamese food? Or is this one of the hazards of living in this town full of vegan and veg freaks? Maybe this traumatizing experience is all my fault. After all, I chose to live here.

Last Call For Last Call?

Here’s another story update for you.

A few weeks ago I wrote about the Texas Alcoholic Beverage Commission’s brilliant plan to arrest people in bars because they’re drunk.

Well, after almost 2000 arrests and seemingly a lot more public outcry, the program, which they ended up naming Operation Last Call, has been called off, hopefully for good.

Gun Safety Update

Remember the
gun safety video
that I posted a link to a couple of months ago? Well, the star of that clip, Drug Enforcement Administration officer Lee Paige, is now
suing his employer for letting the video get out.

Here are the important parts of the story, just in case the link doesn’t stay active for very long, which it may not since it goes to a newspaper website.

DEA agent who shot himself sues government

BY PEDRO RUZ GUTIERREZ

The Orlando Sentinel

ORLANDO, Fla. – Two years ago, DEA Special Agent Lee Paige shot himself by accident while giving kids a talk on gun safety in Orlando.

Paige, a 16-year veteran, wounded his thigh with a .40-caliber Glock pistol after reassuring children and their parents that the weapon was not loaded.

Someone who captured the gaffe on a video camera submitted it to the Drug Enforcement Administration as part of an internal investigation. The video has since surfaced on the Internet and has been shown repeatedly on late-night national TV shows.

Paige now is suing the U.S. government, saying his agency failed to safeguard the video and leaked it intentionally, thereby violating his privacy.

“As a result of the disclosure … by the DEA, Mr. Paige became and is the target of jokes, derision, ridicule and disparaging comments,” Paige wrote in his lawsuit, which was filed in Washington’s federal court April 7.

Rogene Waite, a DEA spokeswoman in Washington, would not address Paige’s complaint because she said Department of Justice guidelines prevent her from speaking about ongoing lawsuits.

Paige – who has been assigned to the DEA Orlando office since July 2003 – also says he has been unable to work undercover assignments as a result of the notoriety and he is barred from conducting speaking engagements.

Appearing on NBC’s “Today” show Friday morning, Paige said he had cleaned his gun but forgot to release the magazine.

“I was at the point of attempting to demonstrate how the gun could be disassembled and put back together,” Paige said. “It is something I had done hundreds of times throughout my career.”

Paige’s footage was shot on April 9, 2004, as part of “The Game of Life, The Game of Golf” presentation before the Orlando Minority Youth Golf Association.

Paige, who could not be reached for comment at his Windermere, Fla., home Friday afternoon, told “Today” that he is constantly recognized on the streets and when he travels as the officer who shot himself.

“It’s something I can’t get away from,” he said in reference to the video files circulating on the Internet. “It’s caused me a great deal of embarrassment and stress to me and my family.”

Man I. Confused

Can somebody please explain to me how it is that spam is such a profitable industry, because I seriously don’t get it. I go through my spam folder every day trying to figure it out, but so far, nothing. I’m not sure if there’s just something I’m not picking up on, some sort of subtle message that most people immediately understand that I can’t find, but it seems to me that hiding such a message within the confines of “ur dicky s 2 short & ur women r not love u no more” would be next to impossible. Maybe that’s my problem. I see something like that and immediately think ok, somebody from AOL wants to sell me some sort of wang widening thingamabob and just delete it, totally missing out on the life changing greatness that lies within. Maybe I just don’t have the right vision, the ability to think outside the box so to speak.

Or maybe the key is in the names. Perhaps I’ve been living in a bubble all these years and if I were ever to emerge, I would find myself in a world full of people with names like Seafood K. Sexual and Wizjukxwwwielph who frequently toss off missives to their friends and colleagues containing such pearls of wisdom as “High atrium elliptical centrifuge antithesis, click here,” and it’s entirely possible that in this strange and mysterious place, buying breast-enhancing life insurance from these people is a perfectly normal and acceptable thing to do.

Or maybe, and I’m sure this can’t possibly be the case, some of us just aren’t that bright. Nobody could honestly be thick enough to think that the penis enlargement pills will truly have them tucking it into their shoes within a few weeks, could they? Nobody truly thinks that buying spam filtering software through an email from a place they’ve never heard of is a good idea, do they?

Hopefully some day I can solve this riddle and put an end to my torment. But until then, if you need me, I’ll be checking my bulkmail.

Would Idd Be Bozzible Do Gedd Zub Zoob?

If you’re wondering what the hell I’m trying to say, or whether that was English or not, that was me trying to spell what “would it be possible to get some soup?” sounded like with my cold-ridden voice on the phone to Swiss Chalet when I called them in despearation asking if I could get their soup delivered. This was when, miracle of miracles, I found out, yee ha, they deliver soup! That soup rocks! It made me be able to go out and do what I had to do, which seemed impossible before the powers of soup set to work.

Man it made me laugh when the girl on the phone said, “Would you like some orange juice too?” I mean, my clogged nose and crackling voice on the verge of hacking up a lung would be hard to miss, but still!

So to everyone who finds themselves with a cold, no chicken soup in the cupboard, and something to do, Swiss Chalet soup will save you!

Nobody Knows The Perverts I’ve Seen

05 Apr, Wed, 14:03:01
Yahoo:
free dicksucking

05 Apr, Wed, 19:32:07
Yahoo:
naked male wrestlers

06 Apr, Thu, 10:00:19
Yahoo:
stories of girls busting boys testicle

06 Apr, Thu, 11:24:03
Yahoo:
free pictures of naked male wrestlers

06 Apr, Thu, 12:35:53
Yahoo:
randy orton penis

06 Apr, Thu, 13:07:48
Yahoo:
randy orton penis pictures

06 Apr, Thu, 20:29:59
MSN Search:
vomit

07 Apr, Fri, 15:45:48
Yahoo:
Where can I find pictures of Randy Orton’s wife?

07 Apr, Fri, 16:59:41
MSN Search:
GIRLS THAT WILL FUCK ANY OBJECT

08 Apr, Sat, 02:17:27
Yahoo:
Randy Orton penis

08 Apr, Sat, 12:36:01
Yahoo:
randy’s orton’s penis

08 Apr, Sat, 22:16:27
MSN Search:
how to finger fuck a w woman

09 Apr, Sun, 05:44:15
Yahoo:
masturbation and urine with foam

And on and on it goes…Every day…Just like this…Sometimes worse…

For Those of Y’all on Blindtech, Come On!

As a public service from Steve and I to anyone who is blind and can’t spell, or maybe just can’t spell period, here’s a helpful list of words that seem to be hard to spell for a lot of blinks. Let’s call this the blinklish to English dictionary. Feel free to give us suggestions of new words.

  • win amp = Winamp.

  • spybit or spy bot or spy bit or spy bots or spybotsd = Spybot! Can we get any more creative?

  • Down load = download! There is a difference in emphasis when the screen-reader says it for crying out loud!

  • gate way = Gateway! Again, emphasis, children!

  • sacure = secure! Tip off no. 1. the screen reader mangles it. Tip-off no. 2. A helpful list member renames your thread.

***We interrupt this spelling lesson for a short grammar tip. *** Folks, when you have a question, it is not necessary to end your subject line with a question mark unless your subject line is in fact a question. For example, “firewall question” does not need to be, “firewall question?” Are you not sure that you have a question? Are you asking permission? Are you going to heighten our interest with that subject line and then proceed to talk about dogs? Come on, punctuation is important!
*** now back to your regularly scheduled Blinklish to English glossary.***

  • nexessary = necessary.

  • bittorrent or bitorrent = bit torrent. Two words this time. I know I know, it’s complicated.

  • AVV = AVG. It’s a piece of shit, but at least spell the piece of shit’s name right.

  • spy ware = spyware.

  • Notice how I spelled firewall before? It’s not fire wall!

    • And now for the grand finale and our personal favourite…

  • Micro medium player = macromedia flash player. Come on! That’s not even close! I thought he was trying to play mini cassettes!

If this helps someone, just one person, even if it helps them by making them laugh, that would make us happy. Feel free to suggest additions. And, if you just haven’t had enough of me being grammar bitch, read this or this and if you make these mistakes, learn!

Peace at Last!

Remember my loud and crazy new neighbour also known as Stupidhead? Well, apparently her stupidity knows no bounds, and soe does my relief at her exit. She’s gone!

I wouldn’t usually wish eviction on anyone, but frankly, she needed it. If you can believe it, she got worse since the last post about her. There were all kinds of criminals entering and exiting her house, and we know they were criminals because we witnessed them dealing drugs. Plus, dear old Stupidhead didn’t mind using some of the product either. Sometimes I’d knock because I got a piece of her mail, or had a simple question, etc. and when she came to the door, I could tell she was high as a kite. I would knock and a dude would answer the door. I’d ask for her, she’d freak out, run out of the apartment, answer my question, and slam the door in my face. Hello Paranoya!

It gets better. Her friends apparently didn’t know how to use the door, so they would crawl through her window! Piles of them would stay at her house when she was not at home, and it sounded like they were trashing the place. The only reason I knew she wasn’t there was I called over one day at 3 in the morning and asked for her so I could tell her to get her crazy buddies to pipe down, and one of them who sounded stoned out of his mind said she wasn’t even there.

It got to the point where I would be nervous walking down my part of the street just because she associated with so many thugs. I’m sure nothing would have happened, but it was that element of fear. I never know what people are going to do when drugs are involved.

Now I wake up in the morning and don’t hear slam! slam! slam! I don’t smell smoke seeping in from her place and filling the lobby. I don’t hear tales of dudes wanting to “fuck up” other dudes. I don’t wonder if I should call the cops. No more drama! Life is beautiful! Let’s hope the new neighbour rocks.