So Much For That

Remember the other night when I was all happy because I finally fixed the posting system so that it wouldn’t mangle all of my html anymore and even gave you that link to prove it? Well, that must have been a fluke because everything I thought I fixed is broken again and I honestly have no idea why. All of the settings that I changed and saved are still there but it’s doing what it did before I changed anything.

If you’re wondering why I don’t update as much as I used to, this is a big part of the reason why. I write all of my posts offline because it’s easier for me to do it that way. I write perfectly good html in Notepad and then paste it into the post box and hit publish. What’s supposed to happen is the system will post what I wrote the way I wrote it. It’s a great system when it actually works. The problem is that every time I try to link to something, no matter what I do, the system always breaks my tags and a few times, especially tonight, it even moves words I wrote within those tags to different places or worse yet, manages to put words that were in plain text into the tags and leaves everything else out, completely screwing up not only the tag, but the link itself.

I know that there are other people with their own blogs who read this site and I’d love to know if any of you are having the same trouble and how you managed to fix it or at least work around it if you did. Asking support got me nowhere. they told me what to do and it worked for exactly 1 post so I need some other opinions here.

I’ve honestly just about had it. I don’t want to stop updating and give up on the site, I have too much fun with it and judging by some of the stuff that’s gone on on the comment boards [most of which has been deleted by our board provider because we’re on the free system] and some of the emails and personal comments I’ve gotten from people, I know that for the most part you guys have fun here too. But because of all of the technical problems and extra work that it takes to write everything now, it’s not really all that easy to get motivated to write anything good. I’ve got topics and I’m always finding amusing things to post when I don’t, but when things don’t work like they should and there’s seemingly nothing I can do about it, sometimes I just can’t be bothered to put them up.

Sorry for the rant, but it bothers me to no end when people feel that they need to fix something that wasn’t broken in the first place. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all about innovation and improvement, but I find more often than not that what’s being fixed ends up broken when it’s all said and done. For example, how many times have you seen a perfectly good, well organized and easy to navigate website get redesigned into a completely unusable piece of shit while the person responsible for it crows about it like he’s just done the greatest thing ever and should win some kind of award for it? Well to me that’s exactly what happened when the people at blogger decided to tweak the post editor over the Summer. In fact the only reason that I can post at all is because I’ve got a really smart friend and because I was smart enough to figure out that I had to write some sort of weird half html half plain text mess just so that line breaks would appear properly.

I’m sure that the new system is great for some of you, probably most of you but don’t forget that when you’re blind and can’t see all of the snappy new features and your computer access software can’t either because everything is overly visual, all bets are off.

Anybody who knows me or who has read this site for a while knows that I hate to use the blindness thing unless it’s relevant to the situation because I honestly think that too many blind people wine too much but this time I’ll make an acception and go totally blind guy on you. For an organization that claims that they are working to address access issues, Blogger isn’t off to a very good start. If they really cared as much as they claim they do, they would have put an option in place that would allow people to use the old system while they had actual blind people test out the new one to make sure it actually worked. I’ll bet that would have been appreciated by everybody, not just the blind.

I’m sure that by this point some of you are probably thinking “Jesus Christ, for a guy using a free service you sure complain a lot. You get what you pay for, dick,” and I would probably agree if I didn’t think that you were wrong.

Think about it this way. I might not be paying for the domain name, the webspace, the server, the maintenance of it or anything else associated with the day to day operations of blogger for that matter but if it weren’t for people like me and the millions of other people who use this service, there wouldn’t be a company to pay for in the first place. The business model they’ve chosen leaves no room for argument on that point either, allow me to demonstrate.

It basically works like this. Blogger gives me a free place to write things, and I in turn write them for free. People come to the place where I’m writing them and Blogger gets more hits which translates into more ad money for them which means that they get paid. Sometimes the people who come to read the things I write decide that they want to write things too, so they set up their own place to write things and the cycle repeats itself. Doesn’t sound like a bad little system to me, and it seems that Google thought the same thing since they bought the company. The Google people aren’t stupid, they know a good concept and a good revenue stream when they see one.

But back to my point, that being why I can bitch about what I’m getting for free. When you visit most websites all you’re doing is reading things that other people wrote. don’t get me wrong, you’re an important part of the site because without people to read things that people write, there would be no site, thusly it follows that there would be no need to write things especially if you’re looking to get some money out of it. But Blogger is a different story. They might have built the system, but I’m the content provider. So the way I see it, it’s an even trade if you exclude the fact that they’re getting rich not only off of their hard work, but also off of mine while all I’m getting is a free way to make other people money. Ok, so maybe that’s not entirely fair. This free site does allow me to have my voice heard as well as a chance to promote other things that I’m involved in. But still, I’m doing a lot of the leg work here to make sure that this company survives so as a volunteer worker here I think that I have a right to complain about an organization that isn’t treating it’s employees the way that it should.

The bottom line is that I’m not going to stop posting on the site, but I’m not going to stop complaining and trying to make things right either. So all of you will just have to put up with some technical problems and a little bit of cursing along with your fun. But come on, what do you want for free?

That Helps, Thanks

I’m sure that by now those of you who have been trying to access the Salty Ham website either through our link or on your own have noticed that the site is down and that it has been for quite a long time. But I’d be willing to put money on the fact that not as many of you have taken the time to read the nice friendly error page that greets you when you get there. Hell, I work for them and until about 5 minutes ago I hadn’t read it either. But now that I have, I’d like to point something out.

This is a direct quote from the the page cannot be found message that you get when you try to access the home page. Note the use of the words home page in what I just wrote, otherwise you probably won’t get what I’m driving at here.

“Contact website: You may want to contact the website administrator to make sure the Web page still exists. You can do this by using the e-mail address or phone number listed on the website home page.”

As I read that again I can’t help but wonder how many people are currently caught in an infinite loop trying to figure out why they can’t get that phone number. Come on, you know they’re out there.

I Think Those Weird Link Problems Are Finally Fixed

This is a test post to see if the settings I changed were the right ones. If they were, you should be able to go and check out Boing Boing, which is a really cool constantly updated blog run by some very interesting people that covers everything under the sun.

The coolest part of all of this is that you’ll be able to check it out by simply clickinghere,rather than by clicking on some long ugly link that might not work.

If some of you could let me know if everything looks ok and if the link works it would be much appreciated.

Tough Call

I want you all to do something for me. I want you to read the situation that I’m about to lay out and then tell me where you stand on it and what you would do if you were ever faced with such a choice.

But before I start, I should say that while what I’m about to describe is somewhat based on my life, it is no way a reflection of anything that is actually going on, it’s only something I’ve been thinking about because of the combination of a discussion in the Salty Ham forums and something that somebody asked me today.

Also, even though the people I’m writing about are of a certain gender, I want to get both male and female perspectives so feel free to switch things around as required. Ok, I think that’s everything, let’s do this.

You are a girl who is best friends with another girl. You do everything together and tell each other pretty much everything. Naturally this means that you will not only keep this person’s secrets, but you will do anything you can to help her out when she’s in a pinch or just when she needs a friend. Remember the in a pinch part, it becomes important.

Through this girl you meet a guy. He’s a nice guy, funny, smart, good to talk to. He’s also very close to the girl, possibly even closer to her than you are but to the best of your knowledge, he’s only in that lovely place known as the friend zone and is content to stay there, as is she with him.

As time passes you become pretty close with the guy as well, eventually coming to think of him as another best friend, one on a comparable level to that of the girl. You talk about everything and you develop a pretty deep trust to the point that things which before you would only either tell the girl or keep to yourself, you’re now telling the guy.

More time passes and something changes. The guy and the girl start dating. So much for the friend zone, I guess there is a way out after all. For a long time, things are great. The guy and the girl are happy, the 3 of you are all very good friends, and even though you kind of have a bit of a thing for the guy, you’re happy for them too because 2 of your best friends have found something special.

So things are happy, things are fun, life as you know it has never been better. But then one day something happens. A new guy comes into the picture. At first it seems that the girl and new guy are just friends and nothing more. That’s fine, new guy seems pretty cool and there’s no harm in a friendship. Besides, as cool as new guy is, the girl loves the guy she’s already with too much to ever even think about starting anything with new guy, or so you think until one day you either witness something that you weren’t meant to see or are told about it by the guilty girl who knows that she’s got a bit of a situation on her hands given your relationship with the guy. Whatever the case, you know that the girl is cheating on the guy with new guy. No matter how you come to find this out, the point is that you know.

The question now becomes what do you do with this information? Do you say nothing about this to the guy or the girl and pretend that you know nothing because you don’t want to become caught in the middle? Do you, out of some sort of best friendish need to protect the girl keep your mouth shut about this and say nothing to the guy, hoping that either he finds out on his own or that she comes clean and confesses all the while knowing that your failure to act might screw things up with the guy? Or do you tell the guy what’s going on because of a best friendish need to protect him or do what you think is right, all the while knowing that what you do could screw things up with the girl?

This is where all of you come in. If this was you, how would you handle it?

Advertising Pisses Me Off

No, this isn’t another rant about how marketers have gone too far, although it could easily be one. The problem is that this concept is too funny to get me all that angry.

A company called Wizmark has developed an interactive urinal cake that can not only be used to keep a urinal fresh, but also to promote products and services through sounds and immages when motion is detected nearby.

CMT [Country Music Television] is using them across the United States to promote their programming, and other companies and organizations have caught on to the idea as well, using them to broadcast public service announcements.

All you could ever hope to know about this groundbreaking technology can be found here.

Now That’s Some Hatemail

I don’t generally post other people’s hate letters but this one I found extremely amusing for some reason. Maybe it’s because I’ve never seen one quite like it before. I mean sure I’ve gotten some less than positive feedback to things that I’ve written but for the most part, the person has either had a valid point or has been completely retarded. But whatever the case, you can quickly figure out which side of the fence your hater is on. Not this time. Just click here and read the flame and its accompanying article and you’ll understand.

By the way, I’m sorry that every time I tell you to click on something these days it’s always a big long link and that sometimes those big long links don’t work for some of you. I’ve only had a couple of people tell me that, but it’s a couple more than I’d like. But the blame for this doesn’t fall to me, it falls to the people at Blogger who decided a few months ago to fuck around with the way that the posting system works completely screwing it up in the process, and to Matt, who set things up so that I can’t change any site settings which means that I can’t fix the problems I’m having, which I know how to do thanks to a guy who works for the same good people who caused them in the first place.

But anyway, since Matt has almost dropped off the face of the earth, I’m not sure how long it’s going to take to get things sorted out and back to the way they should be. Thanks Matt, you douchebag. If you were looking for a good way to start some infighting, you’ve found it. Ahh infighting, some things never get old and I figure that with the site’s first birthday coming up very soon, what better time than now to bring up all of the old stuff? Besides, most of the new stuff sucks anyway so why not use the old stuff as something to fall back on?

Ok, now I’m just rambling about nothing in particular. It’s almost like Matt came back and brought some spelling and grammar skills with him. Zing!

New content coming before the long weekend, time permitting as usual. Maybe Matt will even show up and say something. How much can there possibly be to do in that town you live in my friend? From what I’ve heard from other people who live there, once you’ve been to the local coffee shop 17 or 18 times, you’ve pretty much done it all. Besides, since it’s starting to get a little colder in this part of the world, it must be too cold to go outside by now where you are.

Ok, I’m done for real this time. Honest. No seriously, I’m really going to stop writing now. This post is over. Finished. Done. I’m gone. Out of here. You won’t hear from me again until the next time you come here and see something new that has my name on it, or at least not until I respond to a comment or something.

Rules For Singing The Blues

I can’t take credit for writing this but since it’s been emailed to me a few times over the years and I can’t seem to come up with any of my own ideas these days, I’m going to post it. It’s funny, enjoy it.

1. Most Blues begin, “Woke up this morning.”

2. ” I got a good woman” is a bad way to begin the Blues, ‘less you stick something nasty in the next line, like ” I got a good woman, with the meanest face in town.”

3. The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat it. Then find something that rhymes … sort of: “Got a good woman – with the meanest face in town. Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher – and she weigh 500 pound.”

4. The Blues are not about choice. You stuck in a ditch, you stuck in ditch; ain’t no way out.

5. Blues cars: Chevys and Cadillacs and broken-down trucks. Blues don’t travel in Volvos, BMWs, or Sport Utility Vehicles. Most Blues transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Jet aircraft an’ state-sponsored motor pools ain’t even in the running. Walkin’ plays a major part in the blues lifestyle. So does fixin’ to die.

6. Teenagers can’t sing the Blues. They ain’t fixin’ to die yet. Adults sing the Blues. In Blues, ” adulthood” means being old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.

7. Blues can take place in New York City but not in Hawaii or any place in Canada. Hard times in St. Paul or Tucson is just depression. Chicago, St. Louis, and Kansas City still the best places to have the Blues. You cannot have the blues in any place that don’t get rain.

8. A man with male pattern baldness ain’t the blues. A woman with male pattern baldness is. Breaking your leg cuz you skiing is not the blues. Breaking your leg cuz an alligator be chomping on it is.

9. You can’t have no Blues in an office or a shopping mall. The lighting is wrong. Go outside to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster.

10. Good places for the Blues:
a. highway
b. jailhouse
c. empty bed
d. bottom of a whiskey glass

Bad places:
a. Ashrams
b. gallery openings
c. Ivy League institutions
d. golf courses

11. No one will believe it’s the Blues if you wear a suit, ‘less you happen to be an old ethnic person, and you slept in it.

12. Do you have the right to sing the Blues? Yes, if:
a. you’re older than dirt
b. you’re blind
c. you shot a man in Memphis
d. you can’t be satisfied

No, if:
a. you have all your teeth
b. you were once blind but now can see
c. the man in Memphis lived.
d. you have a retirement plan or trust fund.

13. Blues is not a matter of color. It’s a matter of bad luck. Tiger Woods cannot sing the blues. Gary Coleman could. Ugly white people also got a leg up on the blues.

14. If you ask for water and Baby give you gasoline, it’s the Blues. Other acceptable Blues beverages are:
a. wine
b. whiskey or bourbon
c. muddy water
d. black coffee

The following are NOT Blues beverages:
a. mixed drinks
b. kosher wine
c. Snapple
d. sparkling water

15. If it occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it’s a Blues death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another Blues way to die. So is the electric chair, substance abuse, and dying lonely on a broken down cot. You can’t have a Blues death if you die during a tennis match or getting liposuction.

16. Some Blues names for women:
a. Sadie
b. Big Mama
c. Bessie
d. Fat River Dumpling

17. Some Blues names for men:
a. Joe
b. Willie
c. Little Willie
d. Big Willie

18. Persons with names like Sierra, Sequoia, Auburn, and Rainbow can’t sing the Blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.

19. Make your own Blues name (starter kit):
a. name of physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Lame, etc.)
b. first name (see above) plus name of fruit (Lemon, Lime, Kiwi,etc.)

c. last name of President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.) For example, Blind Lime Jefferson, or Cripple Kiwi Fillmore, etc. (Well, maybe not “Kiwi.”)

20. I don’t care how tragic your life: you own a computer, you cannot sing the blues. You best destroy it. Fire, a spilled bottle of Mad Dog, or get out a shotgun. Maybe your big woman just done sat on it. I don’t care.

Fact Or Fiction?

I just found this story while searching for material to use on the radio. I’m not using it there even though I’m sure I could have lots of fun with it so I thought I’d put it here.

But as funny as this story is, I have to wonder if it’s legitimate. I’m having trouble getting my head around the possibility that something like this could even happen. You be the judge.

Man Mistakenly Cuts Off Penis, Dog Eats It

An elderly Romanian man mistook his penis for a chicken’s neck, cut it off and his dog rushed up and ate it, the state Rompres news agency said Monday.

It said 67 year-old Constantin Mocanu, from a village near the southeastern town of Galati, rushed out into his yard in his underwear to kill a noisy chicken keeping him awake at night.

I confused it with the chicken’s neck, Mocanu, who was admitted to the emergency hospital in Galati, was quoted as saying. I cut it … and the dog rushed and ate it.

Doctors said the man, who was brought in by an ambulance bleeding heavily, was now out of danger.

I honestly don’t get it. How dark would it have to have been for him to not see what he was doing? Not only that, but he would have had to have one hell of a hard on for there even to be the potential to fuck up that badly. We’re talking more than porn star level wood here.

Ok, I’ve spent way too much time thinking about this and for the sake of my own sanity I should probably get back to work now and let you guys think about it for a little while. Have fun, and enjoy your KFC.

More People Who Need To Get Out More

I swear on a stack of, um, ible-bays that I’m not making this up. Somebody has actually taken the time to translate the entire bible into Pig Latin. Don’t believe me? Well click this link and see it for yourself.

Only part of it is available on the site right now because of what the person or persons responsible for this work of art call space limitations but what is available should give you a pretty good idea of how much time must have gone into the project, although why all of that time went into it is stil a mystery to me. Oh well, to each his own I suppose. Besides, it’s not like I had to write it, I just find this stuff and give it to all of you people.