Of all the sites on the internet, this is one.
Things have been kind of slow around here lately, so to give you all something to do until we come up with more ideas,
here’s a fine collection of newspaper and advertising stupidity.
I love the comments on each item. Whoever did this is pretty funny, even if a lot of the source material was lifted from the Tonight Show.
Have fun.
I can’t decide if this guy is lucky or unlucky. He was having some pain, so doctors had a look at him. they thought he had a large tumour, so they operated to remove it and found out that it wasn’t a tumour but a surgical towel that had been left inside him 25 years ago.
If I were him, I’d be asking them to do a quick inventory to make sure they had all the towels they started with.
In Canton, Ohio, if you don’t cut your grass, you’ll go to jail. This law was apparently created because the city was sick of having to cut private lawns. So…how does this law help with that? You go to jail for something that really doesn’t need jail time, and if you’re in jail, how can you cut your grass? I would assume that while you’re in jail, the city would have to cut your grass. Way to go, fellas. That was good planning. But the entire council voted for this. Oh dear.
Informal survey time. Has there ever been a ring announcer worse than Bruce Buffer? If there has I certainly haven’t seen him, because that guy sucks in spectacular fashion. He seriously infuriates me. His wacky mumble voice drives me nuts, and his constant habit of putting the emphasis on the wrong syllables makes me want to do harm to people and objects. I wish I could do him justice, but there’s no way. Watch this and you’ll start getting the idea. And next time you’re watching UFC, pay special attention to him. You won’t be glad you did, but you’ll definitely wonder for what reason other than loyalty he is paid to do that job. I’m sure he’s a great guy, but if you need to pay him for something, let him sell programs or drinks or do anything else that doesn’t involve microphones. Speaking is just not for him. By the way, if you’re thinking about defending him, don’t waste your time. If you honestly think he’s any good whatsoever you’re either wrong or deaf, end of discussion.
The only reason I bring this up now is that I just finished watching the WEC Show from last week. If you don’t know, the same company that owns UFC also owns WEC. But even though they’re owned by the same people, they don’t use the same broadcasting crew. the play by play is handled by people who aren’t Joe Rogan, and the ring anouncing is handled by a man named Joe Martinez who is so far and away not Bruce Buffer it’s absurd. It’s seriously mind-blowing that they’ve got this guy toiling in what a lot of people probably consider the minor leagues and Bruce Buffer is all over TV and pay-per-view.
Speaking of the WEC show, if you’re an MMA fan, watch it. Actually just watch the 2 title fights. Those fights are seriously everything that MMA should be. They had it all. Back and forth action, great exchanges standing, awesome ground work, lots of near finishes, the whole 9 yards. The Miguel Torres vs. Yoshiro Maeda fight in particular is something that everybody needs to see. If they don’t rematch those 2 at some point down the road they’re crazy. The Pulver vs. faber fight was pretty much a 1-sided ass whooping, but as far as 1-sided ass whoopings go, it was great. Jens got it handed to him, but he was right there the whole time and maybe I’m crazy, but it wouldn’t have surprised me if he had wound up finishing him. This was my first time watching Urijah Faber fight and Jesus Christ, I’ve never seen anything like him in my life. It seemed like he could have gone another 5 rounds, the guy’s a machine. It’s too bad that these top 2 matches couldn’t have switched places with some of the stuff on the EliteXC show that aired on CBS the night before. They would have made one hell of a statement for MMA on network TV, unlike some of the poor officiating and lacklustre fights we ended up getting. I’ll definitely check out WEC again, it’s pretty good.
That’s all for now. I’m off to burn out on combat sports a little more and enjoy my air conditioning. Feel free to leave comments or emails. We like that sort of thing, even when we’re getting yelled at.
If ever there was somebody with a name perfect for getting arrested for possession of gay child porn,
Dick Dickinson
is certainly that man.
The strange thing is that Dick isn’t actually his given name, but rather the one he chose to go by because for some reason Lindsey wasn’t working for him.
My question is why, if you know you’ve got these skeletons in your closet, would you not choose Bob or Lloyd or Ray or pretty much anything else? Christ, he may as well have just called himself Youngboy Manlovinson and saved everybody a whole lot of time.
If you’re this dumb, should you even be driving to begin with? Woman Calls Orem Police To Free Her From Her Locked Car
A woman called Orem police Friday afternoon needing help because her battery died and she was locked inside her car.
When police arrived, they found the woman sitting in the car, unable to get herself out. She couldn’t hear the officers instructions through the rolled-up windows so she motioned to them to call her on her cell phone, according to police.
Once officers were able to talk to the woman on the phone, they were able to tell her how to manually operate the slide lock mechanism on the inside door panel to open the door and free herself.
“I’m just glad she had a cell phone to call for help,” an officer said.
I’m glad too. It would be a shame for such a gifted and special individual to be taken from us because of a switch.
Boy, the folks making decisions for the US military are sure a thoughtful, kindhearted lot. Not only have they been nice enough to call disabled soldiers back to active duty in war zones, but now they’ve come up with the splendid idea of putting a trauma recovery centre right down the road from a firing range, I suppose in the hopes that the people housed there will be ill enough to deploy again soon.
Nice work, imbeciles. That is all.
I love it when unrest happens right in my own back yard, though I guess in my case it would be parking lot.
I was typing something up a few minutes ago when what sounded like a commotion caught my attention, so I stepped out to investigate. I’m glad I did, because we now have our dumbass of the day, even though she may well have had a pretty good point.
What greeted me when I walked outside was an argument between a man and a woman. The woman was berating the guy, saying that she didn’t want to deal with drugs around here and that he needed to go. Another man who said he was her neighbour soon came out to help her, but he’s not really important to the story. What is important is one of the last things the woman said.
“I don’t want you and your drugs here. People like you are the reason these buildings are no good. There are kids that live here, you fucking piece of shit.”
I’ll give you a moment to let the irony of that statement sink in before I lay the best part on you.
Ready? Ok then.
As she’s cursing this guy out, she either doesn’t know or doesn’t care that at least one of the children she’s trying to protect is standing right there, wellwithin earshot, trying to play with a ball.
I’m all for swearing to get a point across, but there’s a reason why they don’t call the well-known organization Save theChildren, Motherfucker! If they did it would have no credibility, much like she does now. Nice going, lady. I’m sure those kids are damn well safer thanks to your heroic efforts to vanquish no-good cocksuckers from our humble fucking home. Way to go, bitch!
Always the type to be hip with the times, it appears that line dancing is
all the rage in France these days.
But the fact that they’re something like 16 years late to the party isn’t why I’m posting this. Oh no. I’m posting this because for lord knows what reason, there is a movement within government to have it regulated. Yes I said regulated, as in controlled, with rules and requirements and courses and…
French civil servants say line dancing should be submitted to the same rules as sports such as football and rugby. This means imposing training courses for line dancing teachers and a state-approved diploma for anyone who wants to give lessons or run clubs.
Amateur instructors will have to take 200 hours of training under the new rules. Professionals will get 600 hours, including such subjects as line dancing techniques, “the mechanics of the human body” and the English (or at least Texan) language. They will also learn how to teach line dancing to the elderly.
The cost of the courses, about €2,000 (£1,570) for the professionals and €500 for the amateurs, will be largely met by taxpayers. Mr Chauveau said the regulations highlighted the French state’s obsessive desire to organise all public activity. “France is the only country in Europe apart from Greece where sport is controlled through the state,” he said. “Line dancing is now considered a sport, so it is being controlled, too.”
Texan language? Now that’s funny, y’all.
But seriously, if these laws go through, I’m not sure I’ll be able to complain about how my tax dollars are being spent ever again.