Haw Haw Haw Haw Haw!

A dipshit German couple has had their 8-month-old baby taken into state custody and are facing possible charges of child trafficking after
listing the boy for sale on eBay
over the weekend.

According to Reuters, a number of people contacted German authorities after spotting the offer on eBay. “Baby–collection only,” the post read. “Offering my nearly new baby for sale because it cries too much. Male, 70 cm long and can be used either in a baby carrier or a stroller.” Not that the price matters one way or the other, but the parents offered to sell the child for one euro ($1.57).

The unidentified parents are naturally claiming that the post was a joke, though who it was they were trying to amuse remains unclear. Hopefully that kind of material kills in prisons, that’s all I can say.

That’s The Best He Can Come Up With?

Toronto Mayor David Miller has
announced plans
to ban shooting ranges and gun clubs because he thinks closing them down will help put an end to gun violence in the city.

Of course he’s absolutely right, because history has unquestionably shown how dangerous Olympic athletes and gun collecting hobbyists have been to our existence over the years. The sheer number of gang-related incidents these criminals have been involved in is simply astounding, and it’s nothing more than pure insanity that they have been allowed to continue their activities unchecked for so long.

Seriously now, does this guy have any idea what the hell he’s talking about? I’m by no means a gun supporter, but I’m not so blinded by hysteria that I’ve forgotten who the real problem is. And in case there’s any question, the responsible people with registered firearms, the ones who like to do a little target shooting now and then, they aren’t it. The people we need to worry about aren’t the ones you can trace to a real name and address, they’re the ones you find when it’s too late.

Shutting down these places accomplishes nothing other than scoring political points with likeminded goofballs. It won’t get guns legal or otherwise off the streets. It won’t stop people who want them for evil purposes from obtaining them. All it does is alienate folks who weren’t a problem to begin with. It’s a worthless proposal put forth by somebody who from many accounts is a worthless Mayor. I used to have no opinion on the man either way, but if this is his grand plan to save Toronto from becoming a murderous hell hole, maybe the detractors are right.

Obey Your Thirst, Except When Riding A Horse!

I have so many questions about this story. Juliet Brown, 9, was riding a horse with her dad. She got thirsty, so they stopped and got a pop. When she opened it, the horse spooked, bucked her off and dragged her for a mile and a half. Not surprisingly, the poor kid died.

So now the questions. I’ve only ridden a horse three times, and never have I felt confident enough that I could ride the horse and drink something at the same time. I figured I would be wearing the drink, or choking on it when we hit a bump or the horse made a sudden move. So that’s amazing that the kid felt that comfortable on the horse. Had she done that before?

Second, where did they stop to get this pop? Were they riding down the street? I was just confused, not a big deal.

But finally, would the sound of a pop can opening be similar to a whip cracking to a horse? Like I said, I’ve only ridden a horse 3 times, so I don’t know.

All I do know is that would be a horrible way to die. I feel for the family.

Well Who You Callin’ Moon Pie, My Real Name Is Michael…

That’s a new one. Is it good enough to belong in the oompa loompas/Egypt-obsessed stranglers/drunken stuffed dog-screwers/teddy-bear plant stand shrines files? I’m not sure, but it’s weird.

Picture this old guy in a convenience store buying some stuff. As he leaves, he gets ker smucked in the shoulder by a random yellow bag. It happens again, and again, and again. He leaves the store, and it keeps happening. He returns to the store with the person in tow who is slinging the random bag, who now stands beside him shaking the bag and screaming “Hi yuh!” The store folk call the police, who come and get Michael Farquer, the offender. What was he swinging at the old man? A box of Moon Pies!

Is the funniest part of the story the fact that Farquer was swinging a box of Moon Pies, or the fact that he’s been arrested for something similar before? I can’t decide.

Thanks For The Free Weed, Dumbasses

Dog misses planted drugs in Japan, customs embarrassed

A customs agent hoping to test Narita airport’s sniffer dogs put 142 grams of cannabis into the side pocket of a randomly selected suitcase, officials said.

“The dog couldn’t find it and the officer [then] forgot which bag he put it into,” a spokeswoman told journalists in Tokyo. “If by some chance passengers find it in their suitcase, we’re asking them to return it.”

The cannabis is worth about $10,000 in Japan, which has some of the strictest anti-narcotics laws in Asia. No one has brought it back yet.

Officials said the unnamed 38-year-old customs officer who planted the drugs was acting against regulations, which require a more controlled environment to test the airport’s drug detecting dogs.

“I knew that using passengers’ bags is prohibited,” the officer was quoted as saying by the customs spokeswoman, “but I did it because I wanted to improve the sniffer dog’s abilities.

“The dogs have always been able to find it before.”

The man has been reprimanded and there is no word on the fate of the pooch that failed to find the drugs.

Take That, Plastic Problem

After seeing this video, I got thinking about something I read the other day that could help a lot with all the plastic we produce. Daniel Burd, a 16-year-old kid, has founda couple of strains of bacteria that, when combined, can break down plastic! Yeah! Hopefully we won’t find out later that this could cause more problems.

We should still cut back on plastic, but it would be cool if we could break down our existing plastic bag mess. You go, Daniel Burd. You’re going to do great things. Hold up your first prize from the Canada-Wide Science Fair and be proud!. Unlike me who wound up going there 15 years ago with some pictures plastered with phenolphthalein that turned pink when exposed to ammonia, you belong there. Not only do you belong there, you certainly deserve to win.

Dear Richard Peddie

Before you go spending gobs of money on another soccer team, could you do me a favour and work on getting a few other things done first? Things like sorting out the Leafs’ management situation or maybe making sure that the teams you already own are the kind of teams that have at least a fighting chance of winning something in my lifetime? Or more importantly, replacing yourself with somebody who doesn’t have his head completely up his own ass? If you’re upset that I made that last statement, I’d be happy to use your own words to prove my point.

“It is a very interesting area where we feel many of our ideas would work,” said Peddie.

All I can say about that is one thing. 41 Years.

Love,

Steve

I Think I’d Rather Be Humped

Police Blotter newspaper columns are some of the most entertaining and confusing things you’ll ever read, often leaving you with more questions than answers. One example of this springs immediately to mind, and now here’s another one out of what appears to be Lake Park, Florida, though Small Town Misfit is claiming Palm Beach.

On Monday, May 19, a man parked his car for repair at the Earl Stewart Toyota dealership in the southwest corner of the lot, and left his keys with the service department.  Deputies later found his car on fire at 549 Merrinac Terrace.

First I’ll ask the obvious question. What the…? Now I’ll ask the other ones. To anybody who knows the area, how far apart are these 2 locations? To anybody familiar with the story, what happened next? Is somebody getting fired (pun intended)? How much of a piece of shit was this car before the blaze? Was whoever did this trying to help the guy out by torching it for the insurance money? Or maybe we need to look at this another way. Given all the stories of vehicular molestation we’ve had up here in the last little while, was somebody trying to get over a bad relationship by taking his anger out on the next car he saw?

Anybody with answers, I’d love it if you’d leave a comment or click on my name and send me an email. A mystery needs solving here, so help a brother out.

You Ask, We Ask More

25 May, Sun, 14:43:10
Google:
is Cody Eugene Williams black

Well how should I know? A better question is why do you care? Do you know a white Cody Eugene Williams and want to assure yourself that he hasn’t been getting funky with your car? Or, did you see a black guy giving your precious baby the eye in the area where this happened and wonder if it was him?

Why do people search for some stuff? I’ll never ever know.