Of all the sites on the internet, this is one.
23 May, Fri, 17:30:42
Google:
pictures of randy orton penis please
What’s with people writing search queeries like they’re talking to the search engine? “Can I have some Randy Orton penis pictures, please? If it’s not too much trouble. Thank you ever so much!” It’s a computer. It doesn’t need to be talked to. You’re actually screwing up your search by throwing in pleasantries. But the image of someone politely searching for porn is too funny.
If you’ve ever wondered what exactly makes a person a life-long premature ejaculator, now you know.
The definition was developed after lengthy critical evaluation of the evidence presented in more than 100 studies on the sexual problem published over the last 65 years. It was unanimously agreed by the experts that the definition of lifelong premature ejaculation should be a combination of three key factors:
— Ejaculation that always or nearly always occurs prior to or within about one minute of vaginal penetration.
— The inability to delay ejaculation on all or nearly all vaginal penetrations.
— Negative personal consequences such as distress, bother, frustration and/or the avoidance of sexual intimacy.
Two things to note:
1. It took scientists from 10 countries to figure this out.
2. The full results of the study will be published in something called the BJU International, which is a fine place for them when you think about it.
Apparently
car fucking
is more widespread than we thought, at least so says
this story from the Telegraph.
I don’t have enough confidence in my abilities as a writer or reporter to think that I could ever do this thing justice, so I’ll let the words of Washington’s Edward Smith do the talking for me.
“I appreciate beauty and I go a little bit beyond appreciating the beauty of a car only to the point of what I feel is an expression of love,” he said.
“Maybe I’m a little bit off the wall but when I see movies like Herbie and Knight Rider, where cars become loveable, huggable characters it’s just wonderful.
“I’m a romantic. I write poetry about cars, I sing to them and talk to them just like a girlfriend. I know what’s in my heart and I have no desire to change.”
He added: “I’m not sick and I don’t want to hurt anyone, cars are just my preference.”
Then there’s this, which is so goddamn awesome that I can’t help but get to wondering if this guy is working us.
Mr Smith, 57, first had sex with a car at the age of 15, and claims he has never been attracted to women or men.
But his wandering eye has spread beyond cars to other vehicles. He says that his most intense sexual experience was “making love” to the helicopter from 1980s TV hit Airwolf.
The rest of the article is oddly fascinating, including the revelation that there are at least 500 people hanging around the internet who are also willing to admit to and openly talk about their car loving ways. The surprising part isn’t that these people exist, but that if there’s 500 of them talking about it, there has to be a lot more of them living in silence.
If there’s a lesson to be learned from this…I have no idea what it is. the best thing I can come up with is invest in a car cover. then again, perhaps these people would look at one of those in much the same way as many of us would look at lingerie, so it appears that’s probably out.
Some of you might remember the
story of Pat Dykstra,
the woman who called 911 from behind the wheel of her car to report that she was too drunk to drive. Well, strange as it sounds, and to me it sounds quite strange because I can’t remember 1 case of this in my lifetime let alone 2 in the same year,
it’s happened again,
this time to an unidentified man from Seattle, Washington.
DISPATCHER: “911 What are you reporting?”
DRIVER: “I just don’t know if I’m safe to be driving.”
DISPATCHER: “OK. Where are you right now?”
DRIVER: “Uhhhhhh, somewhere between Kent and Southcenter.”
DISPATCHER: “And why wouldn’t you be safe?”
DRIVER: “I’m pretty drunk. I don’t feel good.”
It’s nice that these goofs are calling themselves in, but it would be even better if they had the sense to call for a ride before it came to that point.
From the company that brought you
let’s try to run a charity cafe out of business
and le’ts fire a nice lady because she had the nerve to give an infant a free Timbit comes another blockbuster.
If all of these things aren’t company policies and are decisions left up to individual franchisees, then the company needs to step up and start either legislating common sense or doing background checks on people who are buying in to ensure that they have at best a shred of compassion for their fellow man or are at the very least smart enough not to advertise the fact that they don’t.
Arrested Tuesday for calling 911 15 times in the same night because he couldn’t get a cab quickly enough is
Kevin Lewis Waits.
Bonus: The theft of service charge he’s facing probably stems from his not having enough money to pay the taxi that had come for him by the time the cops arrived.
We have an update on the wizard supply teacher, this one even more disconcerting than the first story, but for different reasons.
The first story said Jim Piculas was fired for wizardry. Now this story claims there’s more, and I can understand some of it being somewhat more serious. I’m still not sure if immediate termination was necessary, but maybe if I saw the details of the stuff he supposedly did, I’d tell him to not let the door hit him on the ass on his way out. They mentioned not following the lesson plans. Whatever. I had lots of supply teachers just let us do our homework, or they brought in stuff of their own. But it depends what he was substituting for lesson plans, I guess. The report then mentioned letting a student be in charge of the class, which he said didn’t happen, but that’s all hearsay for now. Finally, the most serious was use of profane language and failing to control the class. I understand the profanity being bad, but the failing to control the class is still ambiguous to me, because I can’t count the number of times our class completely terrorized supply teachers and were nothing but a pile of brats, especially when we were the age of these kids. Our class made a teacher quit teaching, for crying out loud! But I remember seeing supply teachers who had 0 pull in the classroom come back afterward. If all of the teachers who couldn’t control us were terminated, the board would have to hire a rash of new teachers. But it depends how out of control we’re talking. If this is all true, then it sucks that everyone seized on the wizardry, and the news folk didn’t try to dig a little deeper. But it gets far worse than shitty research, and none of the players manage to redeem themselves.
First off, let’s pick on Jim Piculas himself. He went to the media and overemphasized the wizardry claim to get attention. Then he was shocked, appalled, and horrified that people jumped all over it, gave him the attention he was looking for, and contacted the schoolboard about his case. Hey numbnut, what did you think would happen? Did you think people would do nothing? Sure, some would, but when you’re trying to provoke rage and anger, don’t you know that that’s what some people will do? You look like an ass.
Now, let’s slap Joe Public around for a while, because he is an idiot. Some people, after reading various incarnations of the story, decided to take action. They let their fingers do the walking through the yellow pages, and found various school officials, including board of education member Marge Whaley. But did they leave a well-thought-out message expressing their displeasure? Nope! That would require too much effort! Instead, they called her a fucking idiot, and an incompetent turd on her voicemail. Ok, Joe Public, let her earn incompetent turd status before slapping her with it, because I find that insult to be funny as hell. People need to realize that yelling explitives and not well-reasoned diatribes at officials doesn’t usually end well and you probably won’t get heard properly. What good is having a one-sided conversation anyway, aside from the fact that you feel better after leaving a pile of steaming vitriol on someone’s voicemail? It certainly won’t reinstate Jim Piculas.
But wait, the multidirectional stupid stick is heading over to give Marge Whaley a sound thumping, because she deserves it. She said, and I quote, “It really made me stop and think, because I go to the Internet for information, say, to look at information on medication I’m taking. Now I’ll be more careful. You really can’t count on every Web site … because you’re likely to get information that isn’t true.”
Uh, duh! And you’re responsible for the teaching of children. What was one of the first things I was told when being introduced to the internet? You have to weigh the source because anyone can post anything. There are no research standards, and no publishing body that screens stuff. If you really need information, look for credible websites that you know are affiliated with real live well-established companies or bodies. Or, cross-reference the hell out of what you’re looking for. Don’t just believe everything you read. I know this woman is from a different generation, one that didn’t even get the internet when they were teenagers, but come on! This shouldn’t be a revelation to anyone anymore.
They mention in the story that people google out people’s names to see what the internet has to say about them. Let’s do what we can do to move this one to the top of google. Jim Piculas Jim Piculas Jim Piculas Jim Piculas Jim Piculas Jim Piculas! Ah, that’s good. And,for good measure, Marge Whaley Marge Whaley Marge Whaley Marge Whaley Marge Whaley Marge Whaley.
I still think there’s more to the story, and I’m sure it’s only bound to get weirder. Hopefully we’ll see more of this as the ride continues.
Since we’ve somehow gotten into the habit of following things like this, it’s time for another exciting (yes I used that word intentionally) instalment of Stuff People Hump.
This time the perpetrator is 18-year-old Callum Ainsworth of Kilwinning in the UK, and his victim is
a car.
Callum Ainsworth, 18, is accused of running along a street naked, bending over the vehicle and simulating sexual intercourse.
The alleged offence is said to have happened near Ainsworth’s home in Crannog Way, Kilwinning in February.
Ainsworth denied public indecency at Kilmarnock Sherriff Court and faces trial in August.
I’m not the kind of person you’d normally find defending somebody who had sex with a 13-year-old girl, but you know what they say about every rule having an exception. And if there was ever a time for an exception to be made, I think this is it.
Morris Williams, 22, has been
sentenced
to 5 years in prison and 6 years probation for having relations with 13-year-old Alisha Dean after meeting her on MySpace. Williams says he thought that she was 18, a fairly common excuse for this sort of thing and normally not a very believable one. The difference here is that the girl has already been involved in a similar case that sent another man (24-year-old Marlon Mills) to prison, also for 5 years.
the girl’s father, Jerry Dean, seemed happy with the sentence.
“One of the reasons for the law is the fact that minors have poor judgment,” he told the media.
Minors and bad parents it would seem.
You’d think that after the first case the MySpace would have come down and her parents with help from the authorities if necessary would be trying to help her turn her life around, but as the article points out, “Dean’s family admits Alisha still stays out late and has yet to delete her misleading MySpace page.”
I can’t help but think that the wrong people are being dragged through the court system here, and I can’t help but think that sooner or later it’s going to happen again. And when it does, I can’t help but think that these shithead parents and their shithead kid will face no consequences whatsoever. Yes minors have bad judgment, but at some point somebody has to take some responsibility for it. In a perfect world, the next person to be sitting in prison beside Williams and Mills would have the last name Dean and would be related to a little brat who has ruined 2 lives in a very short time. Maybe then she’d come home early and stay off the damn internet.
I’ve always wondered if it’s possible to figure out what Trix is thinking. Now, apparently there is something that can analyze barks. Israeli prisons are using it to interpret their guard dogs’ barks. But what I find more disturbing than the fact that they’ve invested all this money in technology that analyzes sample barks which are coded by humans, so the technology is only as good as the human interpreters, is that they let their dogs run around free and unaccompanied. How is this safe for man or beast? Any good trained dog can make a mistake, and with the training these dogs receive, that mistake could be deadly. And, if a prisoner decided to hurt the dog, and succeeded, who’s there to defend the dog? I know they can be pretty vicious, but so can humans.
This whole thing is just strange, and like in the case of the caller sincerity analyzer, I wonder how effective it really is. Some things just can’t be automated. But I guess only time will tell.