30-24? Is That A First?

Being the punctual guy I am, I’m just now getting around to watching UFC 83. It’s been an historic show for a number of reasons. It’s the first time UFC has come to Canada and judging by the crowd it won’t be the last. It set a new UFC attendance record so yeah, they’ll likely come back. They’d be fools not to. But who cares about a full house or huge money at the gate or even Georges St. Pierre winning the welterweight title back in his hometown. the thing I’ll likely remember most about this show is the epic and heroic performance put on by one Kalib Starnes.

I would try to describe it for the benefit of those of you who missed it, but I’m sure that in a million billion years I couldn’t possibly do it justice. if you picture a fight between a scary man who kicks really really hard and another man who appears to have taken a wrong turn and wound up in a cage rather than the indoor track he was looking for, you might start to get the idea.

Kalib Starnes, the man’s man that he is, ran away from Nate Quarry for 15 full minutes. Why he did so I have no idea. He says he hurt himself early after a kick, but considering that he was already well on his way to showing that he could give our good buddy
J
a run for his money come Olympic season long before a single kick was thrown by either man, I’m not buying it. If you’re hurt, there are a lot of ways to say so. For Christ’s sake you can flat out say “listen, I’m not wanting to fight anymore.” If you’re hurt and can’t keep going, stop going. Don’t back up for 3 rounds and think you’ll win just because now and then you stop to give the guy a poke or half ass try to take him down.

I think this is the first fight I’ve ever seen get a full crowd “boring” chant, not to mention the “boo” “yea” thing that happens during John Cena matches when he’s exchanging punches with somebody. It’s also the first time I’ve ever seen a judge score a fight 30-24. Yes, Kalib Starnes was so ungodly awesome here that he lost 3 rounds 10-8. Well, everybody’s gotta be remembered for something, I suppose.

I don’t know if we’ll ever truly find out what his problem was that night, but his problem now is being out of a job. Yes, he was fired. You’re stunned, I can tell. Hopefully he does well in his next line of work. I figure that as long as he remembers that the big loud cars are on the opposite side of the drive through window from him and doesn’t get scared and run away from those mean nasty french fries, he should be ok.

Life Imitating Art A Little Too Much

It’s gotta suck when you’re in a play, your character is about to take a heart attack, and you actually take one. Luckily, the other actors figured out this was not part of the scene, got him some help, and he’s recovering. But I can’t even imagine the terror going through his mind. He must have been afraid that everyone would just be thinking he was doing an impressive job…until it was too late. Luckily that didn’t happen, but it’s weird all the same.

Typo Or Editorializing? You Be The Judge.

Ok, it was weird enough that a guy was dared to punch a camel and did so, but this fine phrase made me giggle:

He accepted the dare and was detained afterward by security personnel, but he soon escaped and tried to run from the park with his fiends, police said.

Oh, those fiends. Those devilish animal-abusing fiends. Or was it friends? I don’t know. Maybe his friends are fiends. They did dare him to punch a camel after all.

How Much Is ThatDoggy Through The Windshield?

Doesn’t everybody know that you shouldn’t drive a car with Sparky the chihuahua on your lap? Doesn’t everybody realize that that could lead to an accident if Sparky moves unexpectedly and causes you to strike the gas or brake, or jumps down and hits it himself? But when a bill was proposed to ban the ability of drivers to drive with pets in their laps, people flipped out!
People, stop driving and talking on the cellphone, and stop driving and cuddling fido. Fido goes in the back, or on the passenger’s seat, but he does not go on your lap! As was finally said by a sensible person after everyone was done being idiots, “”I love dogs, I love being close to them. But when I’m in a car, pushing 3,000 pounds of metal at 60 miles an hour, I also like to keep my fellow motorists alive.”

thank you! I wish everybody thought like that. But if they did, we wouldn’t need this bill.

Go Directly To Jail. Do Not Pass Go, Do Not Collect $1

Angelique R. Vandeberg could find herself with a lot of time to sit in the corner and think about what she’s done.

The 28-year-old woman is facing up to 3 years in prison for allegedly
shooting her 8-year-old daughter in the leg with a BB gun to win a $1 bet she had made with her boyfriend while the 2 of them were drinking heavily.

Police began looking into the incident Wednesday after a school counselor reported it to police. The girl was shot three or four days earlier, but a circular bruise with a white-colored point in the middle remained visible on her thigh, the counselor said.

The girl said the shooting occurred in her mother’s bedroom, where Vandeberg was with her boyfriend after she had consumed 10 to 12 beers.

The boyfriend bet Vandeberg $1 she wouldn’t shoot the child, then handed her the BB pistol. Vandeberg took it and shot the girl. The bullet, which did not break the skin, bounced off her leg and struck her 7-year-old brother, who was not injured.

The boyfriend then grabbed the gun, ran out of the house and drove away. Vandeberg told her daughter not to say anything, advising that the incident was a “family thing” and the mother would go to jail if the girl told.

For her part, Vandeberg says her daughter is making up the story to try to get her in trouble, but for what we do not know. she says that the injury is actually 3 weeks, not 3 days old and that it was the result of a fall from a bike.

Riiiight.

I’ve known some smart 8-year-olds in my time [hell, I’d like to think I was one] but this seems way too logical a story for one of them to not only come up with, but stick to. The involvement of social workers prior to this incident wouldn’t appear to do our mother of the year’s credibility any favours either.

Hopefully a few years of not being able to go outside and play with her friends at the beer store will set her back on the straight and narrow. If not, hopefully Sheboygan County will do the right thing in spite of it’s policy of trying to “keep families together even in cases of child abuse” and get these poor kids away from mommy the maniac before somebody makes her another offer she can’t refuse.

Something Tells Me This Isn’t One Of His Better Cases

Listening to the defense lawyer, Jason Grey, talk in this story makes me dizzy. Come get dizzy with me.

We have an odd story about Manuel Balbin allegedly torturing a teenager who he thought stole his Playstation. That was weird enough, but then his lawyer opened his mouth. He didn’t start off wonderfully by saying that the words are worth nothing because they are the words of a gang member. He quickly followed this up by saying that his client was not a member of a gang, even though he has gang insignia tattooed on his shoulder. His final confusing statement was that this whole rigmarole wasn’t torture, but a gang initiation. But Mr. Grey, how can your client be part of a gang initiation if he’s not a member of any gang?

Listen, buddy, other people have already been convicted. Maybe you should just say he’s nuts, his street name is insane after all, and try and convince the judge he needs help. This method isn’t working.