Ho Ho Hope I haven’t Been Ho HO Hosed Again

Well, it looks like, if this is the truth, I’m going to have to swallow my rage at the removal of the words “ho ho ho” from Australian Santas’ repertoire. It appears that wasn’t even close to the truth, or so the folks who trainSantas in Australia claim. They say they only told them to use “ha ha ha” if the kid was spooked by ho ho ho and it had nothing to do with slang terms for prostitutes.

Hopefully I’m not wrong again, but this one came from snopes, who seem to do their ho ho homework. I can see both scenarios, and I really don’t know which one is the truth. I’ll just put this version up, and only time will tell.

>Try And Dig Yourself Out Of This One

>Wow, this Minneapolis cop should run off with this Orlando cop to the island of assholes so they can never be seen again. When you’re a police officer, and there’s a bus full of old women stuck in a snowbank, you don’t a. refuse to help and b. give a lady who’s going to shovel them out herself using a police shovel a citation!

Luckily, higher-ups apologized profusely and made things right, but what a prick. It’s guys llike that who give good cops a bad name.

Who Needs Taste When You’ve Got Dirty Slogans On Your Kids’ Panties?

This next story about panties definitely beats the Chinese takeout panties from years gone by. I’m really wishing Steve had mentioned what department store he was in when he saw those, because that could have been important now.

Anyway, we have a new story. Wal-Mart was selling panties that said “Who needs a credit card” on the front and “when you’ve got Santa” on the rear, and these were for kids. Rightfully, this made some parents upset, and Wal-Mart removed the panties. I was going to say pulled the panties, but that sounded wrong.

Who the hell would buy those for their kids. I’d still love to know how the Chinese takeout undies are selling now.

I Love The Smell of Great Korea In The Morning…It Smells Like…Victory.

This is kinda creepy, but is it underhanded? I’m still not sure.

In South Korea, volunteers supporting one of the candidates have been spraying a perfume called Great Korea into the crowd at ralleys. They did the same at the polls. They say it’s in the hopes that people will remember what the candidate said and vote for him because of the smell, and they could be right.

Part of me wonders if that’s any different than campaign slogans and commercials that grab your attention, but to me, a smell seems more subliminal.

I guess he won, so I wonder if the smell helped. It sounded like he was already doing well with or without some perfume mist in the crowd.

Some People May Find This Offensive, And That’s Good

Man, in all the flurry of political correctness, we’re getting stupid. But of course this is no news to anyone. What we’re forgetting is sometimes not sanitizing someone’s words is more useful than not offending anyone.

Let me explain. A while ago, city councilor Sandra Tucker of Dacono, Colorado, copied a big, long, offensive, not so funny joke onto a public blog. Wanna see exactly how unfunny it was? go read a PDF of it. Any blinks who want to read it should feed it through OCR software like Kurzweil or Openbook. I would have copied it to the blog, but when I ran it through Kurzweil, it was coated in garble. But I was able to get the gist of the joke. It sucked. Basically the joke was that being a democrat was worse than being a black, Jewish, gay, drug-addled, one-armed, AIDS-afflicted, unemployed orphan in a wheelchair who had a Mexican boyfriend. *Yawn*. Anyway, they asked her to take the joke down and she resigned.

Why did they even bother to take it down? It would do more to undermine her career to leave it up, put a note under it to the effect of “the views expressed here are those of Ms. Tucker and do not represent the city.” Then people can see the person they voted for for who she really is and make an intelligent decision about whether they want her back. Or, the people can ask her to resign because they don’t feel she represents them properly. Why not expose her for the complete and utter douche she truly is? When will people realize that offending people is sometimes a good thing?

I know she can’t become black or Lesbian, and she can only choose to be Jewish, but it would be fine justice if she became disabled, lost her job and somehow got AIDS. I would wish that her parents died, but they don’t deserve to be part of her bad carma. Then she can take another look at that joke and wonder if it’s funny.

DNA, Baby, That Spells Hahahahahahahahahah!

This is just too funny. James Watson, one of the guys who figured out DNA and its structure, started making racist assumptions and trying to back them up with science. He said that Africans, and black Americans who descended from them, just weren’t as smart as white people. Then, he decided to put his genome up on the net for all to see, and lo and behold, he had a lot of African genes!

All I can say is even if he isn’t dumb, he sure looks it.

I Didn’t Know Homeless People Had DVD Players

I don’t know how to feel about this story. I think it’s great that high school kids are raising money for the homeless, but does this really sound like a hard night?

Sure, it was cold that night, but the kids could go inside for pizza, coffee and hot chocolate, play some basketball games in the gym, or play twister in the hallway. Or, they could just lay on an air mattress in their cardboard box with a portable DVD player. Is this really enlightening them on what it’s like to be homeless? I’m all for safety, so if a kid didn’t dress warmly enough, I could understand sending him inside for a while, but this just sounds like a party instead of an eye-opening experience. Like I said, the only redeeming part of it is they had to raise money to be there, so it’s not like they can just show up for a game of twister.

Blow Me!

Since I can’t think enough to compose a long post, how about we start the new year with this snowblower duel story from December. Can you imagine watching this? It sounds like something out of a comedy movie.

It all starts in Levis, Quebec. A 72-year-old woman decides to get out the snowblower and clear her walk. But she sends the snow straight into the neighbour’s driveway. I have to mention he is 43. He gets mad, and blows it back to her. She blows it back at him. Then it goes back to her. Lather, rinse, repeat for ten minutes. Ten minutes? Can you believe this goes on between two grown individuals for 10 fucking minutes?

This made these large children so mad that they faced each other in the street to have at it, and the dude grabbed the old lady by the throat and threw her on the ground. Her husband tried to come to the rescue, only to be punched several times. Eventually, the police had to drag the man away.

Come on everybody. All this over snow? I know snow pisses me off, but lordy that’s a little extreme.

And here’s a small sidenote to the Edmunton Sun. You will notice that the beginning of this article is eerily similar to the snippet you had displayed before trying to get 12 bucks out of me for the full article. I found it elsewhere. Maybe that woman had the right idea when she started eating your paper seven years ago.

Why Is My Name…?

A mother was sitting on the couch reading a book when one of her children walked up to her and said, “Mummy, why is my name Daisy?” The mother replied, “Because when you were born, a daisy fell on your head.”

A few minutes later, the next baby walked up and asked, “Mummy why is my name Rose?” she replied, “Because when you were born, a rose fell on your head.”

Finally, the last baby walked up to her and said, “BLAS CLAFLAS YIFRASSAM TASSM POONNFFFIINRTY.” The mother replied, “Please be quiet, Fridge.”