>Ok, sleepwalking must be on the extreme upswing, and wearing pyjamas must have gone out of fashion, because in the UK, Travelodge staff have been trained to deal with naked sleepwalkers. What I find the weirdest about this whole thing is sleepwalkers don’t just sleepwalk, they come out into the lobby asking for newspapers or wanting to chekc out. I think the most I managed to utter the one time I sleepwalked was something about Steve being a sneaky devil. I certainly had no idea where I was going, and managed to almost collide with my filing cabinet. I wouldn’t have made it to the hotel lobby. How do these folks get all the way to reception and manage whole sentences? And why are there so many? And why are they all naked?
Glad They’re Thinking Ahead
Dumb, Dumber and Dumbest
Wow. This is just stupid. Not a single person in this story looks smart. Not a one.
Lets’ begin, well, at the beginning. It all started in the town of Swanville, Maine, when an 18-year-old woman decided that the only way to get rid of those bastard fleas would be to shave the cat. Appalled by this, her brother tried to stop her. What did he do? He tried to cut the chord that led from clippers to electricity. He didn’t try to unplug the clippers. No no no. Get a knife and hack the chord was his solution. Luckily for all involved, he failed, only succeeding in cutting himself, because she kicked him. He supposedly retaliated by choking her and pushing her down. She called 911 and said he hit her, and they’re looking for him through the woods, even with dogs!
Oh come on. Deploying tracking dogs for a scrap between siblings that she started? Give me a fucking break. I’m sure he’ll come home at some point and they can talk to him then.
My oh my, don’t visit Swanville, Maine. Your IQ might suffer for it.
Now That’s A Lucky Boy
Picture this. A three-year-old kid somehow gets out of his apartment at 3 a.m. and wanders into the street wearing only a diaper. It’s cold out. He ends up on a traffic island. He gets rescued by a sex-offender who was convicted of assaulting a four-year-old boy, and he is returned, unharmed, to his home.
That kid is one very, very, very lucky kid. Those parents seem a little slow, and are apparently facing child neglect charges. But holy crap that kid is lucky. Hopefully, he never gets loose again. He might not be so lucky next time.
These People Aren’t Smokin’ In The Brains Department
Most of this article was pretty uninteresting. It said that a lot of women in West Virginia smoke while pregnant. Apparently these women just don’t know it’s bad, and campaigns to bring them up to date on this just aren’t working. Other women are suffering from depression, so that wouldn’t be a really easy time to quit either. But there is actually a pocket of women who say they smoke while pregnant so their babies will be smaller and delivery will be easier.
Can I strangle these women? I hope they’re ready for the lifetime of consequences this could creat for them. Wow. that’s all I can say.
Hey Hidey Ho, Where’d The Old Lobster Go?
This has to be a setup. Somebody really wanted these lobsters to run wild and free. They had to have.
In the middle of the night in Stuttgart, Germany, dozens of lobsters who were going to be sold to people to be made into a nice dish made an escape from an Asian supermarket. This is what they had to do to get away.
- crawl out of their poorly secured crates.
- squeeze through the shutters at the front of the store.
- Slip out the front door, which had been left open by mistake!
Ok, I can understand the crates not being secured properly, maybe someone didn’t put the mesh on right, but who leaves the front doors of stores open by mistake?
Police were called when people noticed the lobsters running down the street, and they have been scooped up and sent to “an animal home” whatever that is. So maybe they won’t be dinner after all.
Weird. I can’t imagine looking out my window and seeing a bunch of lobsters scurrying down the street. That would be…hmmm…fishy? Yeah, that’s it.
The Bad Idea Graveyard Is Expanding
Let’s visit the graveyard of bad ideas again. If you look to your left, you’ll see the don’t touch me cell phone program, and…oh! What have we here? There’s a new resident! Strangely enough, its creators are also from Japan. It is the portable zebra Crossing crosswalk mat. I’m laughing too hard to speak. So this is their description.
* The Pedestrian’s Best Friend
The tyranny of the automobile makes life increasingly tough for ecoconscious pedestrians, and finding a safe place to cross can result in inconvenient diversions and wasted time. Now the pedestrian can fight back. When you’ve found the crossing point that best suits you, simply roll out the the Portable Zebra Crossing in front of you and cross confidently and in safety at your own pace. Warning: on busy roads where there is no break in the oncoming traffic, attempting to roll out the Portable Zebra Crossing can be hazardous.
And these folks are actually asking for money for this. I assume there is no risk-free trial period, and they’ll want their money *before*their customers try this ingenius little plan for the first time.
Those Pants Must Have Really Meant A Lot To Him
All I can say is, good!
I don’t think we blogged about this anywhere, but I’m sure everyone has heard about Roy Pearson, Jr. the idiot who sued the dry-cleaners to the tune of $54000000 for supposedly losing his pants, and even though they said they found them, he said they weren’t his, and on and on it goes. Well, because of all the bullshit he’s caused, including causing them to close that particular shop, he may not be able to keep his judge’s job. Good! There is some justice in this world.
Shall We Head To The Graveyard Of Bad Ideas?
I need somebody to explain this
Anti-Groping Appli
thing to me, because I’m just not getting it.
Snip from the article, which is trying but failing:
The application flashes increasingly threatening messages in bold print on the phone’s screen to show to the offender: “Excuse me, did you just grope me?” “Groping is a crime,” and finally, “Shall we head to the police?”
Users press an “Anger” icon in the program to progress to the next threat. A warning chime accompanies the messages.
The application, which can be downloaded for free on web-enabled phones, is for women who want to scare away perverts with minimum hassle and without attracting attention, according to Takahashi’s website.
Ok. You’re being groped on the subway. I say subway because the article specifically says that this system is meant for use on crowded public transit. Anyway, rather than jump, scream or try to nut the guy, your first instinct is to whip out the trusty cellular and poke at icons as if you’re playing a videogame? Not to mention that all the while you’re having to do your best to ensure that Professor Happy Hands has a clear view of the display. Riiiiight. I know that’s exactly what I’d be doing.
Just for fun though, let’s pretend for a moment that this is in any way practical and that for whatever reason you wouldn’t want to attract attention in case things were to get out of hand. Oh, and for our purposes, we need to assume that the you’re grabbing my ass and I’m not enjoying it chime isn’t going to cause concern amongst your fellow passengers.
You’re riding along on the train when suddenly you feel a hand. Doesn’t matter where it is, use your imagination. the important thing is that it’s an uninvited hand. Realizing that Father Bad Touch has joined the party, you do what any safety conscious woman would do. So, out comes the phone, and flashbeep go the messages.
Realizing he’s been busted, your new friend Bobby Boobtugger wisely figures out that it’s time to get out of dodge. Being the nimble fingered miscreant that he is, he makes a break for it…with the cell phone you’ve been waving at him the whole time. Not wanting to draw attention to the situation however, you say nothing, and off he gets at the next stop, and you’re out a phone and some dignity.
Not sure about you, but I’m wondering where I sign up.
I know this is made in Japan where technology is king, but sometimes things happen that all the fancy gadgets in the world aren’t going to get you out of. At least they’re giving it away for free, because this is definitley one of those times when I’d imagine you’d be getting what you paid for.
Would You Go For A Mygo?
As I write this, I can hear my mother talking in my head. “Don’t be so hard on them. Be grateful they’re even trying something. Whatever comes out of this will be good.” Ah hell. I’m writing this anyway.
Sebastian Ritzler of the Muthesius Academy of Art and Design in Germany has come up with a design for a wacky new cane that he calls Mygo. I’ll describe it first, and see if anyone else starts thinking the same way I do. It’s a cane with a wheel on the end and motors. Inside it, there is a camera and smart sensor combo that measures ground area and perceives objects there, and I assume some kind of speech synthesizer that sends audio feedback to headphones. It is supposed to be extremely tough, waterproof and height-adjustible. It has six hours of battery life, and is estimated to cost $200. He hopes that it will not only replace canes, but dogs as well.
Ok. Let’s break this down point by point. Look at all the technology packed into a stick that the user will slam into hard things repeatedly, some of us at a high rate of speed. It may be in something that thinks it’s tough, but may change its mind after a few days at the office. I’m sure it’s waterproof, I think they’ve mastered waterproofing. I’m just worried about the tough part. I have never heard of another piece of technology that you’re encouraged to swing around and smack into things. You usually handle technology with care so as not to break it.
And, if it’s tough, and filled with gadgetry, how heavy is it? I know it has motors, but are they in it for the same reason Spike, the 200-pound robot, walks back to his docking station to recharge?
Now, where does the audio feedback go? To headphones. What have I said about headphones before? They obscure sound, and inventors of any navigational system being used by the blind should remember that. Think of my ears as your eyes. Would you slap on big crazy video lens-like things over your eyes that would send you special infrared information while driving, even if it meant obscuring your regular vision? How am I supposed to hear traffic and other things around me if this thing is babbling in my ears? Why not use an external speaker you clip to your shirt?
I really like the height-adjustible part. It would be cool to have a one-size fits all cane, that’s for sure. What I don’t like is the battery life, and the idea of having to recharge my cane. I don’t want to leave my house and find out the battery is low on my cane. It’s my cane! It’s kind of critical! If the battery goes out on a GPS device, that sucks, but you can still navigate. If the battery goes out on this thing, and you’re back to using it like a standard cane, and it’s heavy, you’ll curse it all the way to an electrical outlet. And what kind of batteries does it take? Can you get them anywhere? Or, do you have to send your primary means of navigation in for repairs when the battery finally kicks and you need a replacement?
I guess, for all it does, the price-tag isn’t bad. I just find that price a little high for a cane, especially if it has the potential to get damaged. I’m going to use this thing every day, and the risk just seems too much for me to pay that amount.
And we reach the final point, the one that made me want to rip this guy a new one. He thinks his device is going to replace dogs, and canes, “for the few blind people who still use them.” Hmmm. This leads me to believe that he got 0 input from the blind community, because although there are a lot of us with dogs, there are still a lot of us with canes! And you can never even dream that your device will *replace* other stuff. It will only provide another option. Maybe somebody doesn’t want a dog because he just isn’t a dog fan, but he wants to move faster than he does with his cane and thinks this might do it. There are always people who would prefer their cane and people who do the dog thing. It’s a bit arrogant of him to think his device is going to take over completely.
I really do appreciate people trying to build new technologies to help us. I’m just sceptical of some of the new creations, and I hope that when someone gets a brilliant idea, they consult blind folks for some practical suggestions. Maybe this Mygo thing will take off like mad. I just can’t get excited about it personally.