Seamus was tending bar when a patron came in and ordered a beer and a shot. A little while later another came in and they struck up a conversation. “Let me buy you a drink in memory of my mother land, Ireland,” the first said. “Ireland?, I’m from Ireland too. I come from Dublin. Let’s …
Monthly Archives: February 2019
A Rather Uneventful Wrestling Notepad To Match The Road To Wrestlemania So Far
“You, me and everyone else here knows I have the ability to kill you with my bare hands without breaking a sweat, and the only thing stopping me is my decision not to.” I don’t know who wrote a line that good, but I bet you honest to god cash money it wasn’t one of …
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Proof Positive That I Do Not Belong On “Jeopardy!”
No more must I sit in front of the television each evening wondering if I am smart enough to one day be a contestant on “Jeopardy!” The answer, I discovered last night, is fuck no! What has brought me to this conclusion? This damn All-Star tournament, that’s what! One second I feel like I completely …
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Wroute, Now With A Few Less Routes
One of the first things I said when I heard about Wroute, the service that will Tesla you between Kitchener and Guelph, is that I thought they were aiming too high out of the gate. Unfortunately, it seems they’re starting to realize that I was correct. The owner of Wroute said they expected there to …
Home Of The Flopper
A Nebraska man was arrested for masturbating at a Burger King Sunday night. One of the Lincoln restaurant employees who witnessed the event told police that 24-year-old Khaled Khalil kept entering and exiting the restaurant, and when he’d get inside, he would begin masturbating, 1011 Now reports. The witness also told police Khalil’s genitals were …
Listen To This Or Don’t. I Don’t Give A Fuck
Not a song about snow days per se, but it seems appropriate. I’ve tried, tried, tried And I’ve tried even more I’ve Cried, Cried, Cried And I can’t recall what for I’ve pressed, I’ve pushed, I’ve yelled, I’ve begged In hope of some success But the inevitable fact is that It never will impress I’ve …
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I’d Like To Bump Somebody. In The Head. Repeatedly. With A Shovel
I haven’t been on a plane in something like 25 years, but this shit still infuriates me. Air Canada employee says staff trained to ‘dupe’ passengers at risk of being bumped from oversold flights Seriously, legalized robbery is what that is. Whatever bribes the airlines pay to the world’s governments to get this scam rammed …
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Are You Being Passive-Aggressive To The Computer? That’s What I Thought!
I keep seeing this commercial where there’s this warm fuzzy style music playing and this kid is asking her virtual assistant questions. First, it’s how old is the earth, and then the kid starts asking unanswerable questions like “Do you know how the sun feels on your face?” and “Have you ever seen a shooting …
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Grand River Transit Is About To Change Hundreds Of Stop Names
Not sure how much any of this is really going to mess anyone up, but the fact that Grand River Transit is changing the names of about 300 bus stops as of tomorrow morning seems like something worth a mention. The change is part of an effort to standardize the system and for “wayfinding purposes”, …
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Today In Misheard Lyrics: Angels/Losing/Sleep
Wait for the part about three minutes in where it says “It looks like the wall was in your head” and tell me you don’t hear “it looks like the walrus in your head.” It sounded like that to me today from a distance, anyhow.