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Last Updated on: 26th October 2020, 05:50 pm

I’m noticing a theme with TV commercials that is really starting to bug me. They don’t tell you what they’re for anymore! I have talked about this before when I cursed Sobeys to the ends of the earth, but it’s getting worse, and I have assembled a flock of them to prove my point. I want you to click the link and pretend you didn’t see the video name and close your eyes. Can you figure out who is the company behind it, or the product being sold, or both?
Let’s start with this one, because apparently lots of people don’t know what it says. For months I didn’t know either. I don’t know what words I punched into google to figure it out, but the mystery was finally solved. It sounds like a cool message, strong women breaking barriers and all that. It’s too bad the one barrier the commercial didn’t break was the one preventing me from knowing what the hell it was for.

What TV commercial wasn’t this song in? But in the case of the one above, it never says what it’s for. Who knows how many commercials I have watched with this song in it and had know idea if it was for cars or clothes?

Or how about this one? I thought it was some kind of community ad urging you to go eat out at a restaurant. Nope, it’s for Coke.

This one pissed me off because it was talking about all these simple things to do with banking, but it would never tell me what the heck bank it was for.
Now that I know it’s for Simplii Financial, it makes perfect sense. But why must I be a detective to figure this out?

This one contributes to the theme, and makes me laugh. If you’re not paying attention soon enough, doesn’t it sound like “Gurgles around and around and around”? If it’s selling peanut butter chocolate Cheerios, then maybe that should be its slogan. I know my stomach would gurgle around and around if I ate those. Barf! And gurgle!

Now, we’re moving into the commercials that I haven’t figured out yet. There are two that are just melodies. Since I can’t hum to Google, I’m out of luck.

There’s one with this guy giving what looks like a lecture and he says something like “If someone knew all your secrets, knew how much you owed and could use it against you, would you let them into your house? Of course you wouldn’t! The problem is you already have.” It must be something about data privacy or Facebook awareness or something. It’s too bad I don’t know what it’s for and I can’t seem to find out.

There’s another one that just says “Ever notice how much brighter the sun is after a storm? Maybe that’s just Mother Nature’s way of letting us know what we’ve missed.” You know what I missed? The point!

The one that kills me is some sort of accessibility commercial. It talks about making things work for everyone, whether you’re small or tall, can’t see well or can’t hear well, use a wheelchair, walker, or cane, we should make it that everyone can get around everywhere. That’s a great message, but would you care to let the people you’re trying to help in on it? Did the commercial happen to be captioned as well? Just sayin’.

I can sometimes go through whole commercial breaks where I don’t know what any of the commercials are for. That’s ridiculous! When I was a kid, I could count on one hand the number of commercials that didn’t say what they were for. Now I run out of fingers and toes!

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1 Comment

  1. This is definitely getting way out of hand. Last night during the news there were two breaks I noticed where at least 3 ads in each were entirely nondescript. the only one I might have even the most remote shot of figuring out is the one that plays a few seconds of Everyday People by Sly & The Family Stone, but I’m not even sure I care enough to bother.

    And yes, it’s “gurgles around and around”. It’s not even arguable.

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