If you have any information on the string of tire slashings in Guelph over the weekend, the aptly namedConstable Ashley Carrwould like to hear from you.
Category Archives: names
This Story Has It All
This tiny news article is great for a number of reasons. There were legitimate fears that graffiti that has started appearing at a Florida school showing stick figures with giant peckers was the work of street gangs, because you know how those hoods and thugs love their penis jokes. Police have been called in more …
I’m Sorry, I Just Can’t Help Myself
Note to journalists everywhere: When writing a story about a guy with a long history of molesting folks on the subway, there’s got to be a better way to describe him than “the 6-foot, 227-pound Johnson”, even if Johnson does happen to be his name. Remember, people like me read these things, and people like …
Stripped Of All Words
Allow me to catch my breath again. So, if a 12-year-old is found dancing nude in a strip bar, that is *not* immediate grounds for license suspension? Why the hell not? As an extra bonus, I think it’s fitting that one of the people charged in connection with making her dance is named Demonica, and …
Truth In Advertising
Charged with murder in the beating and choking death of an elderly woman is convicted sex offender James A. Hole.
Maybe She Didn’t Want Her Boyfriend To Squeeze The Charmin
Well, we have an update about that woman who was found stuck to her john. I guess she wasn’t sitting on the throne for the whole two years, but she was in the bathroom that long. She had been sitting on the toilet for a month. Now, the burning question of how her boyfriend managed …
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Another Name For The Close Enough Files
So there’s a story about a guy who has a child porn stash, had a foul-smelling apartment, gets kicked out and then busted for the child porn when his roomies clean his foul-smelling den. So what. His name was Eric Hardin. Just change one letter, and I’m sure you’ll laugh with me.
I Guess She Had The Fucking Guts. It’s Me Who Lacks The Brain
We’ve all seen the scene on TV where someone has tried everything to persuade a suicidal person not to do it, and out of desperation, they try to snap them out of it. But if you’re going to try that in real life, for one, be sure you have things very much under control, and …
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Fire Or Flood
There was a fire at Leak and Sons Funeral Home. Oh, if only they had had a leak. Maybe they wouldn’t have had a fire.
Sing Solo…So Low They Can’t Hear You!
Um, here’s my chance to look like an idiot. My geography sucks, but aren’t Thailand and the Philippines neighbours? If they are, which I’m pretty sure they are, they have similar militant stances on Caraoke. First, we had our poor unfortunate tone-deaf soul who died in a Philippine caraoke bar, and now we have 8 …