No no no,! It’s *fisting*!
Category Archives: news
Well Boys, Have I Got A Deal For You!
The story itself is a bit old, but the idea of drive drunk, damage car, head to dealership and attempt to sell damaged car is new to me. Officers say the calls started coming in around 4:40 p.m. Monday. They say witnesses reported seeing a SUV hit the median of the Lloyd Expressway near the …
I Appreciate Your Honesty, You Bloodthirsty, Murderous Douche
In America, there exists at least one honest Republican. I can hardly believe it. In response to yet another deadly shooting in an elementary school, Tennessee Representative Tim Burchett finally decided to cut the shit and say what everyone has always known to be true. “We’re not gonna fix it.” Rep. Tim Burchett (R-TN) on …
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Police Are Hoping To Speak With Karma About The Second Murder
For a lot of reasons, I’m pretty sure I would make a terrible murderer. I don’t think I’ve got it in me to kill anybody, for a start. And even if I did, the relentless regret and anxiety would almost certainly do me in soon thereafter. Or perhaps it wouldn’t even have time, because I …
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They Didn’t Relish Paying So Much, But They’ll Like It Even Less When The Cops Ketchup With Them
Not condoning this whatsoever. These guys probably shouldn’t be seeing sunlight for a decade or two. But $6 for a hot dog? What the hell, man? Jeremy Delgado, 21, and Bobby Wynn, 19, were arrested after APD officers spoke with witnesses at the scene and reviewed HALO cameras in the area of the incident. Through …
Reach Out And Touch Yourself
I’m not sure whether I haven’t been paying the sort of attention that I should be paying or if Adam Smith is opening up new frontiers in the obscene phone call space, but this is new to me. A Florida Man admitted that he was naked and masturbating when he dialed “numerous random phone numbers” …
May I Take Your Order For Less Than I’m Worth If You Can Find Me?
Meet Freshii’s new ‘virtual cashier’ — who works from Nicaragua for $3.75 an hour A couple of things here. I’ve never been to a Freshii. To tell you the truth, I’m not entirely sure what they sell or even how to pronounce the name of the place. Is it freshy? Fresh-eeeee? Fresh-eye? Fresh-2? But whatever. …
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Best News Bloopers Of February, 2023
Or perhaps that should be “nudes” bloopers. I wonder how much free stuff that poor little kid at the ball game got. Watch it, Drew!
Somebody’s Putting The Long In Long Beach
Yes, there’s the obvious meaning of the joke in the title. No, nobody in the video bothers mentioning whether or not the man cannon being utilized in full view of the hair salon was, in fact, long. But what was long, and also the reason why I really titled this the way I did, was …
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Now They’ve Got Two
It’s not every day that the same person is involved in multiple hit-and-runs, especially when that person is the victim. The details are pretty gruesome and I feel awful for this woman and her loved ones. But holy hell, how drunk do you have to be in order to be the second perpetrator? Is it …