If you’re going to steal a set of new tires, you could do worse than targeting a car dealership. Those places are, after all, a rich source of new tires. But it’s worth remembering that they also tend to be a rich source of security systems, which means that should your acquisition mission be successful, …
Category Archives: news
I’ll Be Right There, Officer. Just Dropping Off The Bail Money
Good idea: Ditching the money as quickly as possible after robbing a bank. Not so hot: Ditching the money by running outside and depositing it into your own account via the ATM attached to the building. State police arrested McRoberts Williams Saturday after they say he robbed the Wells Fargo on Old Capitol Trail at …
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Good Luck In Life, Kid. I’d Say Break A Leg, But…
Reading this, my mind goes back and forth between two thoughts. As someone who grew up around my share of irresponsible drunks, I kind of hope this motherfucker never drives or sees his kid again. But the way that Canada and the U.S. treat these things, I imagine he’s already doing both regularly. As someone …
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The Best News Bloopers Of June, 2022
The news, like the cream, is topical. Back to you, Sebastian!
Hahahahahaha! You Should Have Seen The Look On What’s Left Of Your Face!
Guys, check this out. I put a fake gun in the middle of this here shelf full of real ones. When Stefan comes in, I’m gonna grab the wrong one and blow his fuckin’ face off by accident! It’s gonna be great! We’re all gonna laugh so hard! Except for Stefan, naturally. He’s not gonna …
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When I Said Call A Waaaaambulance, I Didn’t Mean Right Now
If you think the people who complain about Amber Alerts waking them up in the middle of the night because they can’t be bothered to mute their phones are total shitheels (they are, for the record) get a load of this guy. Man alive. https://twitter.com/HIOWAA/status/1464712303098703872 If you’re like me and can’t read the message in …
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So They’re Sex Offenders, Then?
Here’s an especially silly and pointless example of useless politically correct language. Sex offenders in Colorado are getting a new label after the state’s Sex Offender Management Board voted to change the terminology referring to them. CBS Denver reported board voted 10-6 to change the term sex offender to “adults who commit sexual offenses” during …
On The Bright Side, He Probably Blew A Few Of His Own Moles Away, Too
I think someone may have seen all those stories in the news about massive property damage caused by people trying to get rid of pests and said “hold my beer.” Then he politely asked if you would walk to the fridge and get him another one, because he’s not going to be walking anywhere for …
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Sticky Keys
Hard drive joke goes here. And I may never touch anything in a Walmart again. According to an arrest report, Alexander Pearce, 28, was captured Friday afternoon on store surveillance video “hunched over a laptop with his hands in his pants.” Pearce had been barred from the retailer since July, when he was arrested for …
Or Else She’ll Fry
You’ve got a problem. There are a couple of drug cases hanging over your head. One for being caught with meth and fentanyl and another because you sold meth to an undercover cop. You’re going to need a good lawyer, but those can get pretty expensive. What to do…what to do? I suppose you could …