What? I Need an Escape Route?

Before I write a big post about the holidays, I just had to write this down because, well, it belongs here. Attention all dumbasses! When you decide it’s time to carjack someone, you might want to know where you’re going if you manage to steal their car. Otherwise, you might end up having to admit …

I’m Still Scratching My Head!

And shaking it. Am I awake? I am. I was watching the news, and the music start sup, and the lady comes on and says, “Tonight, we’ll tell you why scratch tickets aren’t the greatest stocking stuffer idea…” I’m like what the hell? What could possibly be wrong with a goddamn scratch ticket? Don’t take …

They got Sick! Real Quick!

Ok, this just pisses me off because I thought people knew better. Taken from the story in Google News A five-year-old boy needed a liver transplant after he and his family were severely poisoned by wild mushrooms they picked in Waterloo and ate for dinner last week. Ok, how did a whole family miss the …

So…

It’s early on an average Saturday morning. Outside the window, there is a quiet, sunless, breezeless yet cool and somehow sticky 17 degree day. Inside the window, there are 2 angry blind people trying to figure out how it is that with no heat on in the apartment, there could possibly be an atmosphere best …

I’m Sure She’s Very Proud

The following is a public service announcement brought to you by the good folks at Vomit Comet. When you’re flying somewhere with your Mom and you don’t want her to know that you’re carrying your penis pump with you, there are probably better ways to hide it from her than telling security that you’ve got …

Stupid Day couldn’t be a Better Name!

Thordora came up with a good name for today. Stupid Day. It must be if a mother will let her children play in the *parking* lot and entrance of the apartment building where I live without thinking this was a bad idea or considering relocating their games to a giant park nearby. Seriously, I got …