Sleep Talkin’ 5. The Bit, I Believe, Is Still Alive!

In our last installment of let’s make fun of what Carin says in her sleep, I thought this little bit would be a thing of the past now that Santa had arrived. But apparently, it still has some life in it, although a little less.

There’s one interesting pattern we have noticed: if there is a massive increase in sleep jabberings, I might want to check the calendar and see if my mask and hose need replacing. It’s the weirdest thing. I don’t feel the mask losing its effectiveness, but as soon as I have replaced it, I marvel at how much less tired I am, and wish I’d done it sooner. Hopefully I’ll learn for next time.

Also, I have upgraded my water chamber to one that can handle distilled water and filtered water. This is such an improvement for when I’m travelling. I thought distilled water would be an easy thing to get, but I have found that it’s not. Not every drug store carries it! I went to a hotel in Anaheim, and we went to a Wallgreens and a CVS and neither of them had the stuff! We even tried a 7-Eleven and nope! I would have had to go to a Walmart or a Target that was much further away. We ordered it on Uber Eats, and the person tried to bring us something that was not distilled water because it turns out the place was out of stock even though it was marked as available to order. We eventually found it, but it was just so much trouble! If I can avoid that, I will. But enough Santa jabber. Let’s laugh at my sleeping antics.

Carin decided to give us one more for the road around 4 o’clock this morning.
“I had an identical idea,” she told no one in particular. “Gonna build a big ‘ol Courtney thing with plants around it.”
I’m fairly certain I know who Courtney is, but I’m not so sure what’s being built in her honour. Is it in her honour? Maybe it’s meant to keep her out of someplace?

I have no idea! Who knew I was also into landscaping in my sleep life?

Pretty sure this concept is still dead because her sleep machine is a miracle worker, but Carin’s nighttime brain is doing its best to try keeping it alive.
She’s still sometimes convinced that things are broken and need immediate, panicked repairs. Some things never change, I suppose. Unfortunately, now and then this involves her sitting up in bed, trying to turn off the damn machine and then not knowing why she did it. I’ve caught her at it a few times and managed to stop it, but there was one night when she beat me to it.
Carin: “Something needs fixing right away! This should only take a second.” *pushes button*
Me: “Did you just turn off your machine for no reason?”
Carin: “I do believe I did.”
So far, my favorite new era thing happened on Sunday night.
I rolled over, and all of a sudden…
Carin: “Oops.”
Me: “What did you do?”
Carin: “I just heard what they said.”
Me: “No one said anything. I just rolled over.”
Carin: “Oh. I thought I heard somebody making fun of me and my all masked up voice.”
It is amusing to make fun of her all masked up voice, I’ll admit. But it’s much more fun when everyone is awake to hear it.
By the way, “doe doe doe doe doe doe!”
Carin will understand that. And I’m pretty sure she won’t know what she was trying to tell me.

Hahahahahah! Nope I don’t remember the “doh doh doh doh doh doh!” one at all. But I guess I was sure something was broken. One night I shut off the machine in my sleep, and then I had a dream I was turning blue and had to be rushed to the hospital. Then I realized why I might have been dreaming that. The poor machine wasn’t doing its air foofing thing. And nope, I don’t remember telling Steve about people making fun of my masked-up voice.

That was pretty amusing. I wake up to Carin chuckling and saying “right, I get it. That’s pretty funny.” Of course I asked what it is she got, and she tells me “the joke that they sent out and put up. The one with the picture.” Then there’s a long pause. “I don’t know what it’s a picture of so I can’t explain it to you.”

And I can’t explain it to myself either. The picture is all gone.

This next one happened around the time when I probably should have replaced my mask.

Carin: *Shuffles around like she’s going to get up or shut off the machine*
Me: Whatcha doing?
Carin: Nothin’. Just sleepin’ over here.

And on a somewhat similar yet different note…
Carin: I see what you’re doing over there.
Me: What, sleeping?
Carin: I thought it was some of that freaky stuff.
Neither of us knows what that freaky stuff would have been.

Once, we were visiting a friend, and I yelled “Stop!” in the middle of the night. I think poor Steve was worried I would try and go somewhere or do something. Thankfully, yelling is all I did.
And then there is a large chunk of time when Steve can’t catch me jabbering until when I once again needed a new mask.

“Don’t you dare. Don’t…you…dare! Do not make me waste all that time on Google with the quack quack ducks.”

It’s really weird waking up and getting told that I said that, and having no idea why. Quack quack ducks? What are ducks doing on Google? Did ducks learn how to type? Kind of like monkeys and typewriters writing Shakespeare? Does Duck Duck Go have quack quack ducks too? Were the ones on google defecting from Duck Duck Go? I have so many questions. I thought maybe I meant quack quack docs, like fraudsters putting up websites that I found when googling my symptoms, but it seems to be ducks!
Steve says “It was definitely ducks. “This wasn’t one of those times when I woke up to you talking. I was already laying there awake and heard it clear as day.”

Carin was having herself a night on Monday. Twice I woke up to her saying “Dammit, I don’t have it. I thought I had it.” I don’t think either of us knows what it is. I definitely don’t. But my favourite was “What have ya got there, douche bag? I don’t think so. Nope…nope…nope…nope…nope…” I feel like there might be a story to that one. I hope she remembers it.

Hmmm. I don’t remember what I was dreaming, but I wonder if Domino was the douche bag. His hobby of picking up things off the ground is going to be the death of both of us. Yeah, I have a lot to write about Domino. A lot.

In the wee hours of this morning, as I lie softly sleeping.
Carin: “AAAAAAAAAA! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! AAAAAAAAAAAAA!”
Me: “Are you ok?”
Carin: “Yeah. Think so.”
Me: “Are you having a nightmare?”
Carin: “No. I just thought you were having trouble getting out of the path of that crazy whatchamacallit.”
Me: “The what?”
Carin: *silence*

Once again, I have no memory of either doing this, or the dream that could have caused it. I have no idea what the crazy whatchamacallit was that was going to mow Steve down. I did have a particularly scary dream one night when I was away where I was convinced someone had rigged my CPAP mask and if I breathed just the wrong way, it would set off a bomb. I hope I didn’t say anything very colourful that night. At least I was downstairs so if I did, nobody but the dogs would hear me.

Twice last night, Carin woke me up laughing in her sleep. Like literally laughing. Ha ha ha ha he he he he he.
The first time I asked her what was so funny, she said “look at that nice display.” Of course, I asked what was in it. She said “I don’t know, I don’t have it right now.”
A few hours later when she laughed again and I asked the same question, she excitedly said “look at the bouncing boingy sproingly thing! It’s got springs! Where’s it going?” No clue what it was or where it ended up. I wonder if it was some sort of marvellous toy type situation.

I can’t believe I laughed in my sleep. I wish I could have seen that thing, whatever it was. But I have a new mask again, so hopefully Steve will get a few more months of peace before I pull any more stunts.

I’m Here From The Stats Can, There’s Nothing To Fear?

Hi! It’s me, ya know, the completely absentee blogger? I don’t think I’ve written anything since…January? Gees! I have a metric boatload of things I want to say, but this one feels kind of timely and important.

The other day, I was working away and my phone rang. I didn’t recognize the number but for some reason I answered it. On the other end was some dude who said he was from Statistics Canada and I had to answer some questions about the workforce. He then told, not asked, me about a letter that I received in the mail and about the fact that someone was at our house the day before and left a yellow notice on the door. When I told him that there was no notice, he kind of implied that I must be either lying or an idiot because there was a yellow notice on our door! We happened to have been out of town the day they supposedly came by, and we didn’t find any notice when we came back. But this guy would not be dissuaded. Then he started repeating that this survey is mandatory, and asking for names and dates of birth. At this point, every alarm bell about phone scams and phishing started clanging and clattering in my head. What do they tell you are the three big scam red flags? They make you curious, tell you it’s urgent, and appear to come from places of authority. While this one didn’t make me curious, this person said he came from the government, and there was a sense of urgency or at least necessity when the guy kept saying completion of the survey was mandatory. He got told that I was not answering any questions over the phone, and asked if there was somewhere I could call. I guess he was prepared for this and he gave me a reference number and a phone number to call back.

Of course, I googled the phone number and did find out that Statistics Canada is doing a Labour Force Survey where they ask the same people questions about how much and where they work over the course of six months.

So I called them back and did the survey. When I was done, I gave them some feedback that maybe chasing people down on the phone and demanding personal information in this time of phone scams isn’t the smartest way to get their data. I don’t think they took me seriously, saying this was more efficient than printed mail and email. Ok then. But as soon as I called in and said “I got a weird call about a mandatory labour force survey…” I only got that far before the woman was chuckling on the other end of the phone as if to say, “Here comes another person who didn’t want to answer our caller’s questions.” How efficient can that be?

I don’t know what the solution is, but maybe they should train their people to not be so damn pushy! And maybe they should train them that Canada Post can lose mail or be slow to deliver it…but then again, if the people making the calls live here, they should already know that.

So if you get one of these pushy people calling you, it might be legit. I’d still check though. But it has better chances if they tell you to call 1-833-977-8287 after you tell them “I’m not answering your questions. Where can I check into this?” And after you’ve done your first survey, the next ones can be done through a link in your email, so you don’t have to keep scheduling phone calls. Phew! I know I was happy to hear that.

I don’t mind completing these things. I just don’t like feeling like I’m getting taken for a ride. This is the government who also put out anti-fraud information. I know it’s a different arm of the government, but they should know better!

This Conversation Is…Well…Done

Not a lot to say about the story itself here, but it does remind me that I don’t think we’ve agreed on a male equivalent to Karen yet. We really ought to get on that. I mean if Karen is going to be out here stabbing the poor guy, he probably deserves a name.

A woman having dinner at Ruth’s Chris Steak House in Manhattan stabbed a male patron after becoming enraged by his arguing with an employee Friday night, police said.
The 24-year-old man began squabbling with a worker at the upmarket Midtown steakhouse just after 10 p.m. — and made such a scene that it disturbed diners at nearby tables, including two women enjoying a meal together who told him to quiet down, according to cops and sources.
When he didn’t, one of the ladies grabbed a steak knife and stabbed him in the back, the law-enforcement sources said.
She and her friend then fled on foot — without paying their bill, sources said.

Wanna See My Carrot?

What’s up? I’ll give you a hint. It rhymes with doc.

A Warren County, N.J., man is accused of exposing himself to trick-or-treaters while wearing a pink bunny costume Monday outside Phillipsburg, authorities said.
Phillipsburg police were dispatched to a home on East Boulevard in Alpha, based on a report of lewdness called in to the Warren County 911 center, county Prosecutor James Pfeiffer said in a news release.
Arriving officers spoke with witnesses who said Thomas Mohring, 52, was exposing his genitals to a woman and her 10-year-old son while they were trick-or-treating on Halloween, according to the release.
“As officers approached Thomas Mohring, he was attempting to cover a hole in the crotch area of the costume,” Pfeiffer wrote in the release.

This is a rather old story that I just found in my never ending stash so it would surprise me if it hadn’t been resolved by now, but so far I can’t find any updates on it. The two charges he faced at the time could have put a stop to the hopping and flopping for a shade more than seven years, though.

The Day I Discovered That Wrestling Might Not Be Real

Not sure exactly how it happened, but today I ended up watching a bunch of videos of wrestlers telling stories about the Iron Sheik. Videos like this one, for example.

Somewhere in the midst of it all, I remembered something.

When I was in grade two, part of our routine was listening to a newscast once every day. I think it was usually the CBC, but there may have been others. We would all sit at our desks, the teacher would turn the radio on and we would pay the best attention that a group of six and seven-year-olds could. When it was over, she would go around the room and we would each pick one thing that stuck out to us. She would ask us questions, we would ask her questions, and we would all come away having learned a wee bit more about the world. I don’t know how many classes did this or still do it, but I’m sure glad mine did. Looking back, aside from my radio and TV dial twisting obsession, these current events sessions did more than almost anything else to help me understand how important the news is. Thanks, Mrs. Kenyon.

One day, amongst all of the usual politics and conflict and AIDS and acid rain, I heard something I wasn’t expecting.

“Police in New Jersey have arrested two wrestlers.”

“Wwwwwwwhhhhhhaaaaaaaaat?”

Well, I know what my story is going to be today.

And then it continued.

“Hacksaw Jim Duggan and the Iron Sheik were pulled over…”

Aaaaaand my brain exploded.

How did Duggan and Sheik end up in the same car? Did Sheik kidnap him? I watch every show! These guys hate each other! I’ve seen Duggan go after him and Volkoff with a 2×4! There’s definitely no way they would be together willingly. The fact that there was beer and drugs involved was way down my list of concerns in that moment, because something really weird was going on here.

I can recall expressing all of these feelings to the class, but for the life of me I can’t remember what anyone else said. I was very confused and a little let down that day, though. It was a bit like finding out that your parents are Santa Claus. But it’s been 37 years since then and I’m still out here watching stupid amounts of wrestling, so I guess I got over it. And even after this, I don’t think I was completely convinced that it was *all* “fake”. Maybe some of it was, but this other stuff…totally legit.

In 1987, Duggan and The Iron Sheik (Khosrow Vaziri) were pulled over by New Jersey State Police before a WWF event, suspecting Duggan of driving under the influence. After a search of the vehicle and the persons, police discovered that Duggan was under the influence of marijuana and alcohol, while Vaziri was high on cocaine. Small amounts of cocaine were also found in the vehicle. Duggan received a conditional release while Vaziri was placed on probation for a year. The scandal that erupted after two in-ring enemies were found drinking and doing drugs together led to the end of the angle, the Sheik’s release, and Duggan’s temporary departure from WWF. Duggan soon returned to wrestling.

The Heritage Cup Tournament That Wasn’t

This is going to be old news to most of you who would care about such things,but since I’m just now watching episodes of NXT from last summer, here goes.

I don’t want to complain too much about the Heritage Cup tournament. The round-robin concept is a very un-WWE-like thing to present, and I mean that in a good way. The company has done the same things in the same ways for so long that it’s nice to see them trying something different. But I think maybe we could try a little harder, because I shouldn’t have to be annoyed by watching great wrestlers have good matches.

If you aren’t familiar with it, here’s how the Heritage Cup works.

  • Matches consist of six three-minute rounds with 20-second breaks between each round.
  • Matches are 2-out-of-3 falls.
  • Falls can be won by pinfall, submission, or countout.
  • Once a fall occurs, the round ends.
  • The match ends once a wrestler has won two falls.
  • In the event of a disqualification or knockout, the match instantly ends without the need for two falls.
  • If all six rounds are completed, whoever is ahead on falls wins the match.

It’s WWE’s take on British Rounds rules, and aside from the fact that we must stuff every television show so full of commercials that we often miss an entire damn round or more of each match, I like it. (See new things, trying.)

Ok, back to the tournament.

If I like the Heritage Cup, what’s my problem with it?

It’s simple, really. The trouble is that it’s not a Heritage Cup tournament. Yes, the winner gets a shot at the Heritage Cup. But to earn that shot, that person must win…a series of regular wrestling matches. No rounds, no multiple falls, no special strategy. You’re proving you’re worthy of a shot at something by being good at something that’s not the thing you’re supposed to be proving you’re good at. It’s a bit like me saying I’m qualified to be a hit songwriter because I know how to type and have a basic understanding of rhymes.

If they don’t want to take up so much time on the shows with Cup style matches, that’s fine. But instead of not having them at all, why not just modify them? Rather than each round-robin match going six rounds, do four. It would be like MMA. Most fights are three rounds, but the championship matches are five. That I could live with. You wrestle some four round matches to earn a shot in a six. There’s continuity there. But as it is, it’s driving me more and more nutty the more I have to think about it. And that’s too bad, because there’s no good reason it has to.

If they ever do this again, I hope they’ll listen to me, or if not me, everyone else who had better have been ranting about this at the time.

What Flavour Were they, Kill Pickle?

It sucks that this happened, but on the other hand, a guy shooting a stranger in the face outside of a strip club because he wouldn’t share some potato chips with him is exactly why we have a food feuds tag. And hey, it sounds like the bullet recipient is going to be ok. He even got his own self to the hospital, which is almost assuredly more than I could expect of my own self in a similar situation.

Officers found the 31-year-old with a gunshot wound to the face that was deemed non-life-threatening.
Preliminary investigations show the victim was confronted by an unknown man outside of Lusty’s Adventure in the 40 block of Stanton Avenue, police say.

The victim told police the suspect shot him with a handgun after he refused to give the suspect some potato chips.
Police say the suspect then fled in an unknown vehicle.

This is Lusty’s. It wound up being exactly what the name makes it sound like it’s going to be, but I had to look it up on the off chance that it would be a weirdly named grocery store or something.

Oh, and police did eventually arrest a suspect.

No, Steve. No one needs your “Did they rough him up?” joke. Yes, we know it fits because strip club, but we’ve already made it ourselves. You’re good.

Will You Stop!

An AI generated Gorilla Monsoon telling rapid fire wrestling and dick jokes for an hour on a pretend podcast with AI generated versions of Bobby Heenan, Mean Gene Okerlund and others is one of those things I didn’t know I needed in my life, but I sure am glad I watched it.

If you’re a casual fan, I can pretty much guarantee that you’re not going to enjoy this. But if you’ve watched a shitload of wrestling in your life and have spent so much of the rest of your time reading and listening to podcasts about it that you understand a whole lot of obscure references, have yourself some fun.

Thanks, Alan.

Bunches Of Bloopers And A Big Thank You


I hope everyone had a nice Easter weekend. Mine consisted of a family brunch and a trip to AEW Collision in London. I want to take a second to thank our friends Barb and Alex for setting us up with tickets to that second thing. Twas extremely amazing of you to do that and trust me, a fine time was had by all. I think even Carin, who has just about 0 interest in wrestling, will remember it. At times it seemed like she was having almost as much fun people watching as I was having watching the matches.

This was my first live AEW show, and I absolutely got our friends’ money’s worth out of it. It ran about four hours between the Ring of Honor segments, the live Collision and the episode of Rampage that they filmed when that was over.

There were quite a few memorable parts, but I think my favourite was Adam Copeland coming out to start Collision. Everyone lost their everloving minds, including perhaps the one guy in the entire building who was determined to boo him out of it. Between that and Matt Cardona showing up as a surprise to except the open challenge, that segment was easily the coolest of the night as far as atmosphere.

Sadly the video is missing Adam’s entrance and the first “this is awesome” chant they got when they had barely touched, but hopefully you get the idea.

Like I said, this was my first time at AEW, but probably not my last. If you’re on the fence about going when it comes anywhere near you, go. Trust me. You’ll enjoy yourself.

And now, enjoy this compilation of Easter news bloopers to wind things up. I hope you’re having as good a Monday as those rabbits did, or at least that you got to eat some nuts this morning.

Sultans Of Storm


Laszlo Buring gets the originality points today.

“Riders on the Storm” has never been one of my favourite songs, but I quite like “Sultans of Swing”, so this works for me.

Riders on the Storm, if it were written by Dire Straits.

Went with a Lady Writer/Sultans of Swing kind of approach for this one, raising the original tempo quite a bit. I tried to work a few of Ray Manzarek’s piano riffs in there, with the walking down the Dorian scale type of stuff.